Producers Marc Abraham and Eric Newman aren't known for their imagination having already made a Dawn of the Dead remake they instantly reached for something else that was in no need of a remake and remade it. Well they say they didn't, they call this a prequel. They said that to remake John Carpenter's The Thing would be like "painting a moustache on the Mona Lisa". That being the case it looks like Mona's got two big handlebars going down the side of her mouth because the plot of this film recreates almost identically what happens in the original bar a few minor changes.

A giant spaceship is discovered under the ice in Antarctica (as if that never happened in Alien v Predator) by Norwegian scientists and they draft in Kate (played by the hot one from Death Proof (Mary Elizabeth Winstead)) to help them investigate the body of a creature frozen in the ice. Lo an behold the bloody thing escapes and in a mass of tentacles and teeth the disgusting mess of a creature that really could only ever be described as a "thing" starts taking members of the crew out. Luckily just as in the original the crew are all heavily armed. Sure when you're running a research base in the South Pole with no civilisation within miles you need a lot of armaments such as flame-throwers, phosphorous grenades and all types of guns to keep you safe just in case you ever find a dormant alien. The problem with the Thing is that Kate soon realises that it can replicate humans and you can't trust anyone as they could in fact be the Thing. And so they're picked off one by one until only the ones you expected to last the longest, last the longest.

It really does play out almost exactly like the original. Bunch of bearded men chilling in a rec room on a base. Dogs get a bit peeved at the aliens presence. The paranoia and the feeling of isolation that takes hold. Even Joel Edgerton as the American helicopter pilot amongst them doesn't look unlike Kurt Russell with his tiny eyes (like a vole). However, it really lacks a certain something that the original had. It's not as gritty and as dark nor as exciting. Maybe due to its lack of originality you just feel like you've seen it all before. It's been said that it was a lack of female cast that caused the original to flop at the box office but I'd also say the all male cast in the original gave it more of an edge of the world, brink of civilisation feel.

The creature gets a lot more screen time and the CGI is rather hit and miss. At times creating some truly gruesome creatures and other times creating something that looks just like CGI. A dissection scene unveils a human body in the gut of the creature which allows for a more realistic looking style of gore, however, the original film was never about gore horror. It was about the suspense and tension which this film sorely lacks as much as it lacks Ennio Morricone's original score.

There are more Norwegians in this film than you'll ever see in one place ever (except maybe in Norway) and they're an unremarkable bunch as far as acting goes but they're lack of fame and general bearded genuineness is a nice touch. Joel Edgerton of Warrior fame plays an insignificant role and even Mary Winstead isn't all that exciting nor as attractive in a Parka coat as she is in a cheerleader costume in Death Proof. Adewale Akinnuoye-Agbaje of Oz fame is notable in that he didn't die first as you'd almost expect of the black gentleman and as what almost looked like what was going to happen. It's never quite clear as to why the main Norwegian scientist is such a prat either except that he's a lot like the scientist in the original. Hence remake.

All in all it's lack lustre and I've seen the term premake thrown about referring to it's remake-prequel amalgamation. If you've seen the original you just don't need to see and definitely won't want to see this film but I reckon for those who've never experienced the original they'll find this entertaining in itself. It does very nicely dovetail into the plot of the original which would start immediately after this film ends and there's a certain fan boy moment of excitement as you recognise what's happening at the end but that does not save the whole creation which is nothing but a great big dirty moustachioed Mona Lisa.

Of Importance

The Norwegians drive about in these yellow track vehicles that look like Wall-E's big brother.

These guys find a massive spaceship and the body of an alien. They NEVER actually bother looking at or investigating the spaceship whatsoever! It's also bizarre that this bloodthirsty disgusting mess of a creature would be capable of driving or inventing such a spaceship.

The big decayed creature that Kate is cutting up at the beginning of this film looks like a Kebab.

If you don't want to make a remake don't base all your characters and your plot on the original film and don't give it the same name etc etc.

Trailer

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a1OpwEu7l&#820 3;uk

Written by Phelim McC. Back off.