A better sexual version (Monopoly)

Member Name: Cammij

Product:	Monopoly
Date:	03/07/02 (658 review reads)
Rating:

Advantages: More fun, risque, loud

Disadvantages: kids don't understand it

I am a contrary person. That's what my father said when I got sent to the accepted school. They say I just have a compulsion to do things "the other way". Maybe this is true, but for most every non conformist, and granted, 98% of non conformist are in the prison or asylum they belong in, a handful of non conformist find novel ways to brighten the world.

Here is a recent example of how I am a contrary person. I have this cousin Garrit. He is tall, handsome, and he works as an aeronautical engineer. He sort of looks like a Calvin Klein model without the sexual ambiguity. So after hearing some fellow lesbian locomotive driver talk about paying $500 per dose of babyseed I got Garritt in on the game. He would go to the fertility clinic and "donate" his samples for $100 per time after they did all these tests on him, physically, mentally and all that jazz. He was making a good sideline there and I would drive him to clinics all over the city and we would have to buy lots of pornography and pumpkinseed oil to keep him going. So after a few prosperous weeks he tells his fiancee what is going on and she totally flips out, not as much about how he is compromising their intimacy but that he could have a gazillion kids running around that he won't know. So he decides he is just gonna let two thousand bucks a month go. But then I had an idea. I found this guy named Lamont Tucker, and for what it cost us to hire a nice girl for a back alley liasion he virtually filled up a coffee cup for us. This way Garritt did not need to deal with his issues (pun intended) and we still made our money. He just finds Lamont, gets his contribution and then goes to the clinic like always and does a swaparoo on the clinic. His Carpal Tunnel syndrome has dramatically declined and he is happy with Kate again.
I think about what we are doing all the time and laugh. It serves some guy right that can't send a live one up his wife's tummy that he gets s
tuck with Lamont's baby. Lamont is homeless and deranged. These people will have to deal with their racist souls when instead of a Aryan superman they paid for they get a half caste 9 months later. And how will these women explain it? No husband will believe them and I think the lesbian couples will get real mad, accusing the bearer of having cheated with the other with men since the baby won't look like Garritt. This is an example of how I am contrary.

So what does this have to do with Monopoly? A lot. You can imagine that I don't like playing by the normal rules. And that is right. I am just so contrary. But I think I have created a far more fun game.

First off it is called "Monopsony", sure lots of people change the game but they think they are so brill for changing the board to the names of their local streets. But Monopsony means a single buyer of goods or services and although it isn't the best term to summarize my game it is the best name. See the point of my game is to start off the game with lots of money and lose it all.

Here's how it works, you split up all the money amongst the players at the start of the game. Then you play like normal but each player has to buy any property he lands on. There is like 15,340 dollars in the game so if you have 3 players each gets 5130 dollars and you roll for the otehr 10, with 4 players it is 3,830 dollars each and with 5 people it is 3,060 dollars, and if you have 6 people together you should be having an orgy not playing board games.

Now you run the game like always with people who land on a property having to pay the owner rent, but in my version if you land on your own property you have to pay rent into the "Free Parking (free Bonking)", since, as any man who rents a flat to an unwed single mother knows, visiting your own properties usually results in losing some of that properties income that moneth (or for me and my tenant Sheniqua
every other day). Tehn when someone lands on Free Parking they get all teh money in the middle. Also you have to pay $200 every time you pass go.

The real exccitement of my game is my Chance and Community Chest cards that I custoime made and can send anyone who asks the Tif files to print their own.

Here's a sample of some of mine.

Replacing "you win Beauty contest receive $75" I have a nice nude anatomically correct Uncle Pennybags gif with the motif "You win long dong contest receive $100"

"Territorials get activated to fight Iraq lose all income to Free Parking until you pass Go again"

"Youngest Daughter Marries a West Indian lose you least valuable house on the board"

"Wife catches you in bed with her brother, lose most valuable property you own"

"Get arrested for beating up a hooker, donate most valuable hotel to be a battered womyn's shelter"

My get out of jail free card has OJ Simpson's dream team on it and says, "Get out of jail free, pay $3000 for legal bills"


It is actually rather difficult to lose all of your money when you are even trying. Just for the record the five most commonly landed upon properties are Illionis avenue, Go, B&O railroad (Incidentally I work for the B&O Railway's owner CSX), Free Parking, and Tennesee Avenue, so you do not want to improve Illinois and Tennesee if you own them. There is a far out cool website devoted to the discreet probabilities involved in the game, it is www.tkcs-collins.com/truman/monopoly/monopoly.shtm l another neat site that has some alternate rules that I wanted to plagiarize is www.boardgames.about.com/library/weekly/aa100101a. htm . It focuses more on playing the game correctly according to tournament rules.


After reading my initial feedback I was getting hammered by people for not writing some dull review of the most bana
l facts about the game (like they are reading about stupid board games such as bingo and Scrabble and need all the facts). So just to appease these idiots I will say this much, the game was invented during the great depression which was invented by the big banks, but since only a few people like Roosevelt could spend teh Depression plotting to start a global war normal peopel needed a game to play so the inventor, Charles Darrow built a game based on his Atlantic City home. Then Parker Brothers bought the rights and now more money is printed for Monopoly games every day than is printed by the Canadian Treasury. The best investment of the game is putting a third house on New York Avenue.

Here are some interesting facts about the game. 150 million sets have been sold worldwide since it came out in 1935. There have been 3,200,000,000 little green house produced, this is twice as many plastic green houses than real houses in the world. In WW2 real money and maps were smuggled in Monopoly sets into Allied POW camps to help them escape. The longest Monopoly game ever was 1680 hours.

Cheese and Rice! I still feel obligated to explain the stupid game so I quit getting NUs (especially by idiots who come from Kingdoms where a ruler owns all property and a Monopoly is a given not an exception).

In this game you try to get all the money by shrewdly investing in properties that are delineated into color families, utilities and railroads around a square board. You income rises as you consolidate the various complete properties, all of which have differing values which increase as you travel around the board. You can improve your property value by buying houses and hotels. There is elements of luck and chance as various "Wild cards" called chance and community chest can alter the rhythm of play. Monopoly is a retarded game for people who do not know how to have fun or have to entertain people who are too ugly to try to swing with. 250 mil
lion people play this game in the world and all of them are stupid.

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