I have a Masters of Science degree in Operation Management from The South Dakota School of Mines and Technology so I am going to explain the game of Operation. And lots of other games too.

See Assmonkey is over here writing an op on how to play operation and I need to show that upstart punk a thing or two. Apparently he is coming for the holidays with my sister and we play board games in my family. Now it ain't like the families on commercials, no we often resort to violence and a might makes right mentality when the rules are vague. Usually I win all the games that revolve around innate reasoning abilities and factual knowledge, I am the king, but that humpty back git Popeye often challenges me in games of skill and chance. I do not like that since Popeye is now stronger than me and can kick my ass. So what is my option? I cheat.

You Brits may find this offensive that I so readily admit to cheating but I do not care. In our house we play for money and I will be damned if I let that rich bastard Assmonkey take any of my cash or that twerp Popeye who already spent most of my money on comic books.

So how will I cheat in Operation? It is easy. We do the "Lord Mountabatten after the INLA version of Operation" where the player has to basically run the whole board and we time them to see who does it the fastest. So since I can not always rely on switching the battery or putting Vaseline on my tweezers I have come up with another ingenius approach to Tomfoolery and shenanigans. I went to the Salavtion army store and bought another set of the game "Operation" and I took the pieces and I put them in my friend Mike Lincolnbocks daughters gem tumbler, that thing you put stones from your driveway in it and it makes them into polished worthless stones from your driveway. I ran it for a couple hours and it basically kept the shape of the items but made them much smaller and easier for me to remove without hitting the buzzer
and lighting up the blokes nose.

While I was there I found some other useful props for cheating. I like to play Stratego, it is some game played on a checkerboard with various ranks of soldiers and spies and bombs and you have to move your pieces and kill off the enemy. I basically ditch all my lower pieces and use extra boms and spies. This works best on my mother as she is unable to conceive that her son is such a cheater. She nevers thinks to compare my pieces with hers. (I win lots of money at bars comparing my pieces to other men).

Monopoly is best won using the Italian socialist model of monetary policy. Basically I make sure I have a lot of extra money handy, so it goes to say, wear long sleeves when playing monopoly.

Ever play Battleship? It is a dumb game but I can usually take a game or two from someone by this manner of cheating. It will result in a heavy argument if caught but that is why you need to be quick and place the pieces where they should be after you sink their battleship, then you put them where they belong. Now I hold my U-Boat back and do not have that on my board. I then deploy it under another of my ships, and why not? Subs can go under other ships so why can't mine? People tend to bicker over this but usually since they are a guest and it is a holiday they would ratehr lose their money than come off as a sore sport.

Like Candyland? A good way to play this is to take the "bad cards" and bend them up and deface them so that people will know which ones they are just by seeing their backs. But then you also deface some normal cards so people do not know they are a bad card. then you slip it in the stack towards the end and the other player tends to fold and quit rather than deal with getting a known bad card and starting over. Of course I always try to stack teh deck of cards in games like this. It is very elementary.

Cheat hard and prosper