From ingrown toe-nail to Mrs No-nail (Foot Care in General)

Member Name: Otjiwarotji

Product:	Foot Care in General
Date:	11/10/01 (980 review reads)
Rating:

Advantages: Eventual relief from a painful condition

Disadvantages: Slow painful recovery, Expensive if you have to go privately

"OH my God, it's all gone horribly wrong hasn't it?" I cried in horror as I looked at what remains of my big toe, now horribly blackened, swollen, oozing pus and throbbing like hell.

"No, thats coming along nicely" said the chiropodist, as she replaced the dressings on my toe a week after having my ingrown toe nail removed.

Nicely, thought I, good heavens what on earth would it have looked like if it wasn't doing nicely!!

As you have probably guessed I am sitting here with a large bandage on my right hand foot (is a foot right handed?) and feeling very sorry for myself and I want some sympathy! What I don't want are any more of those awful jokes and puns, Oh come on I don't have to repeat them do I? Nor do I seek any sniggers and titters or to be told don't make a fuss it's only a toe nail for heavens sake! I KNOW it is ( or was) but it HURTS and the great news, the really lovely humdinging SUPER news from the chiropodist is that it will GET WORSE before it gets better!! Oh wonderful.

I have had painful toes for donkeys years, I can still hear my Mum's voice " You'll regret wearing THOSE when you're older" nodding at my new tottery pointy toed high heels. But with the insouciance of youth I didn't care, well I do now and Oh I wish I'd listened. It was about 6 months ago when I realised that the pain in my toe nail was so bad I was visibly limping, I realised because people told me "you're limping " they said, "What have you done?" Of course when I answered in my pitiful, give me sympathy voice " It's an ingrown toe nail" they actually laughed, thought it was hilarious for some reason, but I didn't.

I couldn't cut it, I couldn't touch it, it was so sore and swollen and yet I was terrified to actually go and see someone about it, I had heard the phrase " toe nail removed" and it made
my blood run like ice in my veins, I didn't want it REMOVED, it was mine for heavens sake, I've had it since I was born you know so it's even older than my teddy bear and I would never have HIM removed! But I admitted defeat ( yes De FEET thats one of those puns I'm not going to mention) and limped off to the doctors and do you know what he said .....
"Oh thats nasty, you need that seeing to" I told him yes thats why I was there and he told me I would have to go and see a chiropodist, privately, apparently there is no NHS funding locally for feet!

So I looked through yellow pages ( let your fingers do the walking if your feet can't) and I picked one at random, I had no choice, I had no idea who to go and see so I chose one with a lot of letters after her name ( thats always guaranteed to impress me!) who said she did home visits. I was quite nervous on the day she was due to come. I really was in such a lot of pain now, I only had to brush my toe against anything and the pain shot up my leg and I could no longer wear shoes.

Now I suppose I should have been a little bit wary when she turned up with a large pair of pliers in one hand and an inflatable tele-tubbies chair under her arm!! But when you're in that much pain you're past caring, believe me. So she came in, inflated her little chair and sat expectantly in front of me and I showed her my toe and she said "OOH that IS nasty, you want that seeing to !" now where have I heard that before. To give her her due she was reluctant to try and do anything but I was in so much pain I had waited almost a week for this appointment and it had grown steadily worse, I just wanted someone, to do something, any damn thing to make it better.

So she cut it!
Just like that!
Snap with the pliers.....
and I
went
THROUGH THE ROOF.

I think you probably heard me scream, wherever you are, you must have heard that.

And th
en she said, once I had stopped crying, " you don't really need a chiropodist, you need to see a podiatrist" and I thought "well why the hell didn't you say that before"

So I looked in Yellow pages, it's really quite hard to read Yellow pages when you're lying on your back in bed with your heavily bandaged foot on a cushion, but I managed and sure enough I found Podiatry, surgery, Ingrown toe nail removal !!! and I made an appointment.
This was at a clinic and the lady who saw me didn't have an inflatable chair, there wasn't a teletubby in sight and she had a very classy dentist type of chair which I reclined in while she looked at my nail ( what was left of it) and said...
You know whats coming here, don't you...
"OOH thats NASTY .... you'll need that taking off"

I'm ashamed to say I whimpered when she said that, I was getting good at whimpering, I whimpered when I got into bed on a night and the sheets brushed my toe. I whimpered when I drove the car, but mainly I whimpered because I was going on holiday in less than a week and I had put all this off for so long there wasn't time to have it taken off before I went, so we decided to wait until I got back, from Cyprus. Admittedly she tried to make it a bit less painful and she bandaged it very neatly, but she did say I wasn't to get it wet, or let anyone stand on it. So, no swimming, no beach activities and total paranoia at busy Larnaca airport where 10,000 people with trollies all wanted to stand on my foot. But we did have a nice time (see Cyprus delights for holiday info) and all the time I was able to look forward to going back to have it pulled off.

To say I was a bag of nerves was an understatement, I arranged an appointment for one evening after her usual pedicures and trimming of nice normal nails, she said it was so she could make the surgery sterile for me but I knew it was so there would b
e nobody around to hear my screams and so she could clear up all the blood afterwards. I needed a stiff brandy before Brian could even get me in the car to take me there.

I laid down on the reclining chair and she was very calm and gentle and she said she was going to give me an injection so I wouldn't feel it, well she gave me 4 injections into my big toe and that didn't hurt much at all. Oh and bliss as the anaesthetic took hold and the pain stopped for the first time in months. Then I closed my eyes as she started to do her stuff and I was really tense and then she said, suddenly "Oh that WAS nasty, I bet you're glad its gone" and it was off and I hadn't felt a thing. I was well wrapped in bandages, she even gave me the nasty thing to keep as a souvenir, I AM looking forward to frightening people at parties with that! I'm told that it will ONLY be about 8 weeks before it's all healed up and I will be able to wear shoes again!

Then I came home and the pain didn't start up for a whole 12 hours, until the injection wore off in fact. But I am assured its doing very nicely now even if under the bandage it looks like a mouldy plum. Which is why I am sitting here, with my bandaged foot on a cushion, reading Dooyoo and writing ops and looking for just a little bit of sympathy.

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