An assault on the senses (Listerine Original)

Member Name: allybally

Product:	Listerine Original
Date:	05/11/07 (607 review reads)
Rating:

Advantages: Kills germs and everything else in its path

Disadvantages: The taste, the smell, of the horror of it!

Listerine and me – our haunted history
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Even now, at the age of 31 years old with a family of my own, I still wake up screaming in the middle of the night, drenched in a cold sweat as the memories of my childhood. I can remember, as if it was yesterday, standing, shivering in my nightie in front of the bathroom mirror, being taunted by the inconspicuous bottle of mouthwash perched on the shelf in front of me.

I can almost hear it’s maniacal laughter now as my mother or father would shout in to me from the other side of the wall “Don’t forget to use the Listerine!”. I can feel my nose start to twitch and my taste buds recoil in fear as I lift the capful of mouthwash towards my mouth. My throat closes up and my stomach twists into unhealthy knots as I dare to place the cap to my lips.

“On the count of three. One…Two…Two and a quarter….”. Eventually, Three would arrive and with eyes closed and nose plugged I would tilt my head back violently, reluctantly allowing the horrendous fluid to flow into my mouth swigging it around between my cheeks trying not to inhale the noxious aroma more than was absolutely necessary.

Then of course, there was the cold burn that set in once you had expelled the Listerine from your body; spitting the gargled devil juice into the unsuspecting sink below you; The desperation with which you grabbed for the pre-prepared glass of water; The stars you see from behind your closed eyelids as you try to block out the taste, the horrible, horrible taste.

Ugghh. There’s that shudder down my spine again.

So why, having long-since escaped the mouthwash obsessed chains of my parents, do I now have a bottle Listerine (albeit a newer, less frightening flavour) standing proudly next to my sink at all times? Because it works.

Who’s responsible for this torture and how did his evil little mind come up with it?
********************************************An American (figures!) inventor named Jordan Lambert first developed Listerine in 1879 (and I am fairly certain, the taste hasn’t changed since then). 15 years later, named after the pioneer of antiseptic surgery, Dr Joseph Lister, it was being used by dentists as an effective way of fighting off bacteria What made matters even worse, is that Lambert, roped in his family as co-conspirators and together with his son Gerald, began pushing it on the unsuspecting public in 1914. The poor suckers never knew what hit ‘em. From that point on Listerine was established as one of America’s most popular hygiene and personal care brands.

What does it do and does it outweigh the horrific crimes against humanity?
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I will give Listerine its dues. It has stayed popular for all these years because of it’s unrivaled ability to reduce plaque buildup, reduce the risk of gingivitis and other gum diseases and offer 24 hour protection against those nasty germs we are always hearing so much about.

I can argue until the dogs come home, but the simple fact of the matter is, that after more than 100 years experience, endless research studies and plain old ‘The proof is in the pudding’ way of thinking, Listerine is top of the class as far as dental hygiene and antiseptic mouthwash goes.

As Listerine Antiseptic was awarded the American Dental Association Seal of Approval, we finally have proof that anything good for you, tastes bad! The ADA is recognized for having the highest standards in dentistry across the world.

What pleasures await your tastebuds
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Unless you are going to wash the Listerine down with a Caramel Cheesecake, there is no pleasure to be had in it’s use except for the knowledge that your mouth is germ free and healthy. If the initial taste, akin to rubbing alcohol isn’t enough to put you off, the lingering taste not unlike that gained from licking your cats’ dirty litter tray, should do the trick. To top it all off, the taste does not go away, no matter how hard you try (and trust me, I have tried). It hovers just above the tongue, smacking it routinely with the reminder of the bitterness you would expect to find after sucking a 98-year old’s toe for too long.

A scent of roses or wet mouldy armpits?
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I struggle to describe the smell of Listerine except to say, it smells no better than it tastes. I imagine, that if you were in the hospital for a long period of time, you may compare the smell to a newly sanitized bed pan. It is a very medical and sterilized smell and from its smell alone, I wouldn’t be surprised if it doubled as a reliable paint thinner. No wonder Listerine is number one at fighting plaque build up - The little blighters smell it coming and jump ship!

Are they all as terrifying?
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Luckily, Listerine has moved with the times and it’s product range has slowly begun to evolve. It now includes some relatively palatable antiseptic mouthwashes that clean well and keep you from banging your head against the wall until you slump into unconsciousness.

I use Cool Mint as the after taste isn’t as bitter or long lasting. There is also Fresh Burst, Vanilla Mint and Natural Citrus (Who are Listerine kidding? This is like watermelon flavoured chewing gum – completely unnatural) Of course, big hard men stick with Original…. Until you run crying from the bathroom like a bunch of blubbering babies!

Retail information – if you are still remotely interested.
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Listerine is lurking smugly on the shelves of every self-respecting chemist and supermarket. Boots… Superdrug… Semi-chem… Asda’s… Sainsbury’s… Tesco’s… they’re all guilty!

Most bottles come in a standard 500ml bottle, although there is a 750ml bottle available for the truly sadistic amongst you. The label is simple with the brand in bold black letters across the front. For 500ml you can expect to pay approximately £2.45 for the experience although, keep an eye on Boots as they are sneaky and tend to put it on a 2for1 deal quite often.

Who shouldn’t use Listerine Anticeptic Original Mouthwash – Lucky bums!
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I was surprised at the amount of people Listerine doesn’t cater for but it is clear there are a lucky assortment of people for whom Listerine isn’t suitable. If you don’t belong to one of these categories already, I suggest you reconsider your stance – quickly!

Vegetarians – contains cochineal extract
Alcoholics – at 26.9% alcohol it’s a risk but the unbearable aftertaste could be enough to make it the last time you touch alcohol!
Jews/ Muslims – It isn’t Kosher/Halal so strict followers of this dietary practice should steer clear.
Pre-pubescent children – great as a threat if you want your kids to stop growing up too fast
Diabetics – Well, they can use it but not without checking with their doctors first.

Is it worth it?
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Today, we are faced with so many choices and mouthwash is no different. Why suffer the agony of Listerine Original when some of the other more subtle flavours promise to do the same job just as well? Listerine has been doing the trick for over 100 years so who am I to fault it now? It may be true that it has been killing germs for more than a century, but it has also been killing tastebuds across the globe for as long. Listerine may be the brand of choice, and as a user myself I stand behind this household name. I don not, however, condone the continued use of this liquid sandpaper in a bottle! Ditch the original and delve into the world of more acceptable Listerine flavours!

Summary: An effective but deadly mouthwash to fight plaque and kill germs