Macleans 40+ Toothpaste

One day I sauntered into the bathroom and caught a glimpse of a hideous old crone scrutinising me from the depths of the shaving mirror. I grimaced. The crone grimaced … and in doing so, displayed two rows of irregularly shaped, beige, tombstone~like teeth. “Who the hell is that?” I wondered breathlessly, assuming that I was the unhappy recipient of a visit from An Immortal from The Other Side. For the past three decades my brain had been reassuring me that I was 21 years old. Unbeknown to either of us however, Old Father Time had quietly crept up from behind, and belted me with his ugly stick. Middle~age is excellent if you’re ...

In my old age I quite enjoy the pastime of Supermarket browsing. Much as it irritates my wife on occasions I am often game to try a new product. Imagine my intrigue when I came across this novel product in the oral care department the other week that could have been tailored specifically for me. Macleans have produced a new toothpaste formulation for the mouth of more mature years. Called Macleans 40+ the benefits claimed are as follows: "New 'age defying' formula specially developed to care for maturing teeth and gums. Its special balance of ingredients will fight bacteria that can lead to gum problems, gently yet effectively clean areas ...

Toothpaste? Uh? You're going to review toothpaste? Got to be a twist here somewhere. Has it got beer in then? Or Vimto even? Neither. It's a plain and simple review of a new toothpaste, so cut the snide and listen. Or read. Shock news: The-Operator, 41, has all his own teeth. Except for the four that were removed for "cosmetic purposes" when I was 13 that is. Yes, I wore a brace for three years or so on the premise that my peggy-weggies would look magnificent once the springs had forced them back into their correct positions. I can still remember the consultant pointing to the name on my sportsbag in his surgery as he was fitting the ...