5 Fu**ing aces?!? You are taking the p**s... (Poker)

Member Name: angry chris

Product:	Poker
Date:	29/11/02 (335 review reads)
Rating:

Advantages: Great fun, Winner takes all, Can't lose the car/house/wife etc.

Disadvantages: Takes a while to master, There are some cheats out there..., I know, I've seen em in action!

Thanks to Channel 4's excellent "Late Night Poker", this popular card game has come back to the fore somewhat in recent years. Until recently only played by wealthy cheats in casinos and horny students in a variety of forms, more people are getting the urge to get some chips and play some cards.

Being a skint, gambling sort, I stumbled into this mullarkey down the local drinking cesspool. With almost all of my money having disappeared into the robbing fruit machine, this was a definate last chance saloon. 15 minutes later and with tail firmly between my legs, I left the pub in what can only be described as "mild rage" before kicking several bells out of an unfortunate nearby tree. Typical of my luck that night, the tree won...

Traditionally, there are two main types of Poker-Stud and Draw. Personally, I think they are both crap. For more info on these games, check out on of the other ops on this topic. I'm gonna take you through the game played on Channel 4: No limit Texas Hold 'em.

Players sit around a table and are dealt 2 cards each which they can look at(and then hide from the other players!!!) and place bets accordingly. A "dealer" button is passed round the table, with the person to the left of this having to put into the pot a compulsary bet known as a "small blind", while the person to the left of that puts in a "big blind". This is how there is a pot in every hand.

Players can either "call"-put in the same amount as the big blind, "pass"-throw away their pitiful hand, or "raise"-up the ante by sticking an extra wad of cash into the pot in order to get rid of weak-willed players. If this happens, a player can re-raise if they like, or they can call the bet by matching the raise.

If a player has a big fat hand or is becoming "short stacked" and fancies a last desperate bid for some cash, they can bet &quo
t;all in" and chuck their full stack into the pot. Players consider this as a normal raise, and have to match the bet to continue.

When all the bets are in, those remaining will see 3 cards dealt. This is called the "flop" and these cards are community cards and can be used by all the players in order to help make a five card hand. They are not taking from the table! They are "used" by all players together with the two cards they were dealt, and must be left on the table for the use of any player.

Then betting begins again with all those still in. It is as before: pass, call or raise, but if the first player to bet(the original caller/raiser from the first round) decides to "check"-see another card without adding money to the pot, than all players left can also check the bet around.

A 4th card is put into the community hand, and again can be used by all players left.

A final round of betting takes place, the same as before, and this time there will be a "showdown"- the hands will be played. If a player makes a large raise and the others fold in response, the raiser is not at liberty to disclose his hand!!!

A 5th card is dealt, the "river" card, and the hand is decided in accordance to the following ranking system(weakest first):

High Card(ace high etc).
One Pair.
Two Pair.
Three of a kind.
Straight(2,3,4,5,6 etc).
Flush (five of the same suit).
Full House(one pair and three of a knid 2,2,3,3,3 etc).
Four of a kind.
Running flush(straight with the same suit 2,3,4,5,6 of hearts etc).

The player with the hand highest up the rankings wins the pot.

Hold 'em has several advantages over many other games. All players start with the same amount of cash, so you won't be throwing your car keys into the pot!!! In a pub with mates, £50 quid each should be more than enough, but in a casino about a grand is
how much it will cost before you can take a seat.

Unlike many other games in Casino's, you are not playing a rigged game against the dealer-you are only playing the other players. Take care when nominating the dealer-make sure he is not someones best mate or brother/sister, or you may find some suspisious hands being dealt.

The winner takes all! The game is played until there are only two people with money left, and they play "heads up". The winner takes the cash.

Hold 'em is a bluffers paradise. Because everyone can see the flopped cards, it is very easy "represent" a card in the deck.

The game is not decided in five minutes- it can last hours and is therefore a great idea if you and mates have nothing to do and want to make a night of it.

TIPS

Pick a style of play and stick to your guns. Either be patient or aggressive, do not change mid game.

Although it is a perfect game for bluffing, be careful. If you place a weak bet on a bluff, then you might find yourself being sucked into a pot you cannot win. If you chuck everything into the pot to frighten everyone else out of the hand, someone might just have a monster hand.

Do not get whittled away by the blinds: keep betting and stay active in the game.

If you are playing against people who are less than pro's, try using a "double bluff". Pretending to be hesitant about betting when you have a royal flush will normally draw opponents with good but weaker handS into the pot.

Be subtle- if you have a good hand and then throw a massive amount of cash into the pot, people will fold like a cheap suitcase. Try "trap-checking" instead.

If you find yourself short-stacked, try and go all in as soon as you see something worth a bet.

If you are dealt two picture cards, especially aces and kings, try having a bet. You have a chance of a high pair, or at least a g
ood kicker.

Be careful betting on pairs which can be beaten by something higher in the flop.

Try to stay off the hard stuff when you play. Your judgement will be poorer, despite what you think at the time!!

If you smoke, have your cigs near you when you start-do not leave the table and be wary of anyone who does.

Play in a neutral venue like the pub. Only go a mates house if you know them well. Do not play for huge amounts-would you really like to send you mate home early after taking all their cash?

If you wanna look cool and wear shades, do not wear a £3 pair you bought at the market. Chances are they are reflective, and will show the other players your cards!!

Play the cards and no your opponent. Do not allow yourself to be "bullied" by the loadmouth of the table. Just do not get involved, stare ahead and play your cards.

Do not respond to gaoding or talking when in a casino-the person is trying to get information out of you, and they probably will, so stay schtumm.

Try to avoid games with gangsters, hoodlums and other associated bad lads. Even if you win, you will probably not get your money. There are some cheating ba**ards out there.

Oh yes, and if an opponent turns over 5 aces, slowly rise from your seat, remove the person from theirs, and then proceed to beat several bells of s**t out of them...

For more info, if you are confused, or if you wanna see the pros play the game, watch the final of Late Night Poker on Friday night at about 12.30am on Channel 4.

Have fun and good luck!

Thank you for reading and rating this opinion.

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