Alf Goes Skyline: Aefra Challenge (Nissan Skyline)

Member Name: SlyClone2k

Product:	Nissan Skyline
Date:	24/11/03 (1809 review reads)
Rating:

Advantages: Big, bad, fast

Disadvantages: No room to drive it, expensive

Authors Note

Aefras challenge struck me as an extremely difficult opinion to write. I guess there are a number of factors that effect my undertaking; I only passed my driving test at the age of 28 (I'm now 30) and I've only bought one car, a Ford Sierra that had gone 250,000 miles before I acquired it for the whopping sum of £100. I currently own a fairly un-noteworthy Honda Concerto. It does what it's supposed to do but hardly turns heads. Finally I have very little engine knowledge. Sure I can tell the difference between an air filter and a distributor cap, but that's about as far as it goes. To this end I thought perhaps I might fill this section with one of my trademarked fiction pieces, and it really is fiction!

Magnificent Machine.

Alf Mellow loved to travel. Travelling was something that had become a fundamental part of his make-up, though his wife preferred Rimmel. For the last couple of years Alf had been driving the car he had bought for his wife, a bright red Ford Fiesta. It was, as Alf often said, adequate. But it didn't come close to matching the prestige that BMW 318 had before Alf had wrapped it around a tree the day after he'd lost his job. Of course there was something about that BMW that bought out the worst in him; a creeping sense of arrogance filled the mind with its creeping tentacles. Alf guessed (in his xenophobic way) it must be all the German spirits trapped inside the fabric of the car. The beemer had been a good car and had provided him with thousands of belligerent motoring miles, the Fiesta plenty of stale lady-like ones. His passion for Gran Turismo had enflamed a desire for a new car. Something he hadn't had before. It was time for something new.

One day Alf drove past the Nissan garage and had been surprised to see a glittering Skyline R34 V Spec standing on the forecourt beckoning him to buy it. A pleading whisper filled his mind, 'Come on Alf. Touch me. Feel me. He

ar me roar.' (The car was well a
ware it wasn't particularly original)

The midnight blue metallic paint reflecting the light that someone had obviously taken the time to angle for maximum effect. The shadow falling from the side pronounced the bulbous front. A front that housed an engine that packed in nearly three hundred horses. Alf wasn't even sure what it was doing on the lot. But it had his name on it.

Unfortunately it also had a £50,000 price tag on it. Some one appeared to have slapped that right over his name, so only the top of the A could be made out. Alfs shoulders slumped, he slid a little deeper in to the foot well of the Fiesta and fixed his mind back on buying food for the rest of the week

A trip around Tesco on this Saturday afternoon left Alf feeling even more despondent. The slow moving trudge of people shopping, shuffling toes and weary heads whose only attempts to reach normal speed was during a launch for the last piece of cheddar. Alf left the slow moving shop and entered his slow moving car. Slowly he passed by the garage once more, trying to ignore the call of Skyline pleading to him with its grumbling mantra. Alf returned home determined not to let the car get to him.

But the car would not let go, every minute and every hour felt like a life time. Alf?s yearning to accelerate and drive at speed chewed at his desire bone life until finally on the following Sunday afternoon his resolve caved and he found himself admiring the car from a foot away. Almost unaware he had dressed in the Armani he had bought in a clearance sale from a Knightsbridge store, smoothed down his unruly hair and with rare flourish presented himself to the sale assistant who had keenly spotted a potential buyer.

The salesman's eyes sparkled like emeralds. The commission almost creating pound signs across his pupils. Alf looked closer. The salesman was actually wearing contact lenses. "Nice car isn
'
t it'."
"Sweet." Alf replied, the beauty of the car striking him almost speechless. The salesman began his pitch.
"You can see how big the engine is just by looking at the bonnet, but despite its supposed to having 280bhp this engine is tuned to reach the optimum amount. This beauty can reach 40 in less than 3 seconds. Can you imagine that?" Alf drooled while the salesman continued. "I'll show you under the hood."

The salesman, Mark (Alf noticed his name badge) drew the keys out of his pocket. Attached to a chrome N the keys glittered like platinum. Inserting the key the door to the chariot popped open to reveal the dark interior. The occasional fleck of red highlighted the detail and trim, whilst the white o-meters stood out from the dash like beacons of light on a foggy sea. The final streak of red on the revometer indicated those final couple of thousand of revs where the engine would scream for release. Alf's vision was obscured as Mark reached in to the car and popped the bonnet. The hood lifting a fraction and the voice inside Alf's' head increased with volume equal to the amount.

Alf walked to the front of the car. A gazed upon the huge chrome turbo packed creation. The sales man stood next to him and chattered away words that drifted past Alf as he stared. The monologue almost entirely wasted, all but the last few words, 'a test drive if you want. Of course I'll need to see your license.'
Despite the growing turmoil inside Alf held his composure. Reached into the jacket pocket and carefully plucked out the wallet he'd stuffed full of paper to make it look flush with 20's slid out the license and handed it to the salesman.
'I have to take a photocopy of this for the records,' advised Mark and on his heel he marched toward the sales office leaving Alf to continue staring. A twinkle caught the Alf?s eye. The keys. Mark had been good
enough to
leave the key sitting on the front seat. Alf strode to the side of the car and plucked up the ring by the 'N', the master key hung from and dangled catching the light as it swung back and forth in a hypnotic manner.

The next few moments were something of a blur for Alf. He'd stepped into the car. Closed and locked the door. He slipped the key into the ignition with one hand as he adjusted the seat with the other. The engine turned over and at idle the chug of the motor filled the cockpit. The car throbbed with potential. Alf pulled down the seat belt and clipped himself in. Depressed the clutch, engaged the silver gear stick to first and whilst applying pressure to the accelerator and with the metronome tick emitting from the indicator slowly edged the car off its prime position on the sales lot. The car handled like a shark, a gentle flick of its tail flicked the car along at a gentle pace, but a stronger stroke from its power source and the beast accelerated to attack speed with a lightning response.

As Alf drew on to the slip road that joined the M1 Alf could hear the incessant chatter his conscience telling him he must go back. Deep down Alf knew he had to stop. But the opportunity was there and it never would be again. He couldn't stop now, and as he took the car further from the show room the voice of reason dwindled until it could barely be heard over the rev of the engine and the sound of the dump valve releasing its awesome power.



**Do take part in the Guides' writers' challenge CARS/MOTOR BIKES OF MEMORY. You don't have to be the owner or driver, just tell us of a car or bike which stayed in your mind. The rules re.....there are none. Just add a little consumer something. The only stipulation is that it should be in Motors category. If your choice isn't in the database dooyoo will give some priority to Motor suggestions (as long as they are flagged Motors). Opinions with s
ome consumer interest will be eligible for crowns.**

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