Imperial Finger! Raves Darling. (Seat Ibiza 1.4 5-door)

Member Name: Muffin_the_Mule

Product:	Seat Ibiza 1.4 5-door
Date:	31/07/09 (245 review reads)
Rating:

Advantages: It's not a Bus

Disadvantages: It's a Car.

In June of this year, after a prolonged run of the RAC delivering me home from work via the hard shoulder of the M25, and once being towed for a mightily useful 30 feet by the Velvety Hi-Vis adorned Traffic Wombles before they stopped and left me stranded on the M4, I'd had enough.
I was in the market for some wheels. Some proper whips dude.
I was going to buy a car. Actually buy an actual car.
Of my own.

It's the nearest sensation to feeling like an excited child without risking misunderstanding peasants with pitchforks.
Luckily for me, the entire banking system had collapsed across the globe, and as a way of an apology for the inconvenience, the not-so Alistair Darling offered to give me £2000 for my bucket of nuts, so long as I bought a shiny spanky new new car.
After careful deliberation and driving lots of different makes and models of cars that were way out of my price range, I set my budget at £7000 and suddenly came over all sensible and rather than get a very basic brand new and possibly Korean car, I'd get a better specification, and probably electric windows if I bought a 3 year old car instead, forfeiting the £2000 discount but saving about £5000 on the same brand new versions.
In my price range were Vauxhall Astra's, Ford Fiesta's and Focuseseses, and other ones, that I didn't like much.

What did I buy? I bought a 5-door 2006 Seat Ibiza 1.4.SE DAB.
There are some numbers and letters there that the friendly car salesman kindly explained to the somewhat bewildered man who was blinking at him.

The 1.4 Engine size means I can poke along comfortably on the motorways in any lane I choose and I won't have to lean forward going up hills like I had to in my old 1.0 Corsa, and pootling around Imperial Town I benefit from around 40 imperial miles to the imperial gallon, and the fuel tank costs about £50 to fill, when filling at a scandalous £1.04 a litre. That's £4.70 a gallon. Is that good? Who knows.

The 'SE' in some mystifying car way means my wheels are not steal but they are Alloys, I get spot lights for when I drive into the foggy 1930's London, the seats are a bit bucketed to annoy any full sized Americans I might meet, the Air Conditioning for when opening the electric windows just won't do, a CD player (CD's kids! remember those?) and disc brakes front and back, instead of those rubbishy drum brakes, obviously.

The DAB bit is what made me buy the car. I decided I wanted it before I'd driven it because it had a DAB Digital radio, and also an IPod connection in the glovebox. I didn't even have an Ipod at the time, but I did have gloves. Having DAB in my car means I can listen to Radio One 3 seconds behind everyone else in the traffic jam and occasionally sounding like I'm under water, or I can scroll through a seemingly endless choice of easy listening before finger-raving to the Gaydar station.

All together, it meant that I was getting what I considered to be a nice collection of extras compared with the Vauxhall and Ford choices.

And it was a nice blue-grey colour too.

Time to show a proper manly interest and pop the bonnet.
Crushingly for my grease monkey ancestors, I'm not the DIY type - I retired my screwdriver after an incident where I managed to make the kitchen light switch control the bathroom bulbs - so I was delighted when, under the bonnet, Seat have helpfully made all the things that plebs like me are allowed to touch coloured brightly orange - the washer bottle reservoir cap, the oil filler cap, and the dipstick, that's the wiry thing that you always pull out and have a look at knowing full well that you haven't got a cloth to wipe it with, so your efforts are pointless.
Everything that cost money to fix is protected beneath a bit protective piece of moulded plastic that carried the Seat Logo, but should really say "Do not touch under any circumstances."
This however, wouldn't be a concern, because this was my new car and new car's don't break down, because that's not allowed.

The dashboard has both a rev counter and speedometer, and there's a digital display that tells you all sorts of information like the temperature, so you can sit in your car until it gets warm enough to get out if you please, and average speeds and mpg figures, all at the toggle of a button, although surprisingly fascinating considering you're supposed to be looking where you're going rather than how many hours you've been driving for.
Then there's the hoarder's favourite; the secret cubby holes. I've got a slot thing that's big enough to slide my phone in but too small for me to put my hand in to get it out again, there's one cup holder behind the handbrake and there's one that pops out of the dash making me feel like I'm Scotty on the Starbuck Enterprise.
It was almost a week before I found the top secret pull down compartment that's by my right knee and is the perfect size for a bag of Wine Gums and some sunglasses.

The boot is plenty big enough for the weekly shop, or one of those child-carrying prams, with or without child.

When it comes to actual driving, my daily commute takes me on the A41, the M25, the M4 and the A316 - a route which is essentially Radio 2 Traffic and Travel Bingo, eyes down for a full house, average speed 9 mph.

On Motorways, there's very little road noise, although even if there was I'd rectify this by turning the radio up, and the engine will happily achieve 70mph in fourth gear and for only 4 Revs.
That's right. Just 4.
It'll also go a bit quicker in fifth, and you don't necessarily have to move out of the way when someone in a Vectra and a Bluetooth headset starts trying to look in your boot.
On the A roads it's nippy, in the Jeremy Clarkson terms, not the Britney Spears way and in car parks, the power steering is very light and one-hand parkable and the engine idles very quietly - to the point where you occasionally rev the engine just to dispel the fear you've stalled without noticing.
It goes around corners in a timely manner, and as I haven't hit any walls, animals or people whilst doing so, I'm going to say that the overall handling is very agreeable so it possibly doesn't matter that the insurance group is only a 4.

In heavy rain and after accidentally having to go through a few pedestrian-splashy road puddles, I did find myself pulling a bit of a terrified face when I approached the traffic lights and the car decided to slow down a bit, but it was as though actually stopping wouldn't be on the menu before eventually the breaks kicked in and I came to a complete stop about 3 inches away from the car ahead of me, although this is possibly more a judgement of my driving prowess than any fault of the car.

Overall, I'm delighted with my purchase even if I do have to pay a man at the bank £210 a month for the next 36 months, I've got a car I can needlessly unlock and lock from across the road, and that is enough to entertain me for at least 35 of those.
That, and the fact I might find more secret drawers.

Summary: Brum would be Jealous

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