Club me now! (Clubbing in general)

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Product:	Clubbing in general
Date:	21/02/01 (92 review reads)
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Advantages: You might get lucky

Disadvantages: Expenisiveeeeeeeee

The top ten reasons not to frequent municipal nightclubs in the UK.

1) There are two types of girls in life. One that wears high heels once every three months for weddings and funerals. And the ones that go to nightclubs twice a week and regularly fall off them trying to hold a straight-line, usually called Kelly or Manda.

2) Guys are not designed to dance unless they like bands like Soft Cell and wear tight clothing. Girls are looking at your butts, not your cool steps chaps when you’re doing your embarrassing thing.

3) Bouncers are not standing out side in the winter rain for fifty quid to pay the mortgage. They are there so you respect the ground they walk on and no the way of the heavy. And of course to sell you ecstasy.
Be prepared to be pinged with a baseball for dropping a Billy Piper sly look.

4) The music is loud and rythmless making it impossible to dance to hence making sober guys look real Pratts so they can retreat to the bar for more beer until they fall over.

5) Beware of young lads called Daz and Paul with one ear ring and a wet fringe who ring round their mates to make shaw there Ben Sherman shirts are not all the same and suitably color coordinated for dazzling effect.

6) Guys, bring out at least 40 quid, as girls never seem to have a quarter of that in their purse when it comes to buying a round. New independent women has not made it into provincial nightclub world.

7) The girls hunt in packs and if you have the guts to approach them you may well do rather well. Never approach a pair as the pretty one who has the ugly friend who makes her look even sexier will suddenly forget that she came out with her to attract more guys over and have sympathy pangs resulting in a short shift in your ear.
8) Don’t arrive at 10,30 for a cheaper entrance fee as the place will be empty and you will spend all your and her beer and fag money before midnight.
9) If you haven’
t pulled by the erection section (last half hour) get moving as no girl is going to chat up a loser by the bar red eyed and feeling sorry for himself.

10) Leave before two, as the taxi rank queue will be all the way to the Specials police van after the hour.
Keep your eyes on the ground to avoid the piles of puke like molehills on a cricket pitch (An English delicacy).
Remember if a young guy called Gary hasn’t pulled on a Saturday punch up is just as fore filling to his macho working class ego before work at the factory grind on Monday.


All facts were true at the time of press, and are related to the Ritz’s ot the world.

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