ClubM - There is a god... (Tall Trees Country Club (Cleveland))

Member Name: turtonhot

Product:	Tall Trees Country Club (Cleveland)
Date:	20/05/02 (1322 review reads)
Rating:

Advantages: Drinks offer, fine ladies, huge

Disadvantages: a bit out of the way, undesirable townies

I'm a Tall Trees regular so thought I'd share my opinion's with you all.

I've been attending the Friday night £15 all-u-can-drink now for over 2 years on an almost weekly basis. I also attend most of the monthly "Retro" events.

Not being a big clubber, I won't be able to give you lots of details regarding the style of music.

Right. Friday night, as mentioned, is £15 all-u-can-drink. This is for "strictly" over 20s, but I was going when I was 16-17, and there are many "young 'uns" in attendance. This is usually a very busy night, although is considerably quieter on the Friday nights before Retro. It attracts lot's of coach parties from all over the North, and there are also a great deal of locals present.

Quite often you experience agonising 10-15 minute waits at the bar for a drink, which can be frustrating. The best plan is to arrive at 9pm, when it opens, and begin to load yourself as the bars are almost deserted until about 10pm. If you're still standing by 1am, the bars have quietened down a lot as everyone hits the dancefloor.

If you're lucky, you might be blessed with a silver VIP band, entitling you access to a bar/lounge area on the top level, with fans, large leather sofas and a very quiet bar. These bands are only available if you have contacts in the club or hotel, or you're a celebrity, although 70% of people in this VIP area use "recycled" bands, usually repaired and stuck together with chewing gum! But the management never seems to notice.

The clientelle is mixed. Tall Trees is located near Yarm, quite an affluent area of the north east, a far cry from the urban terraced jungle of central Middlesbrough, only 7 miles away. So you get quite a lot of, how shall i put this, "undesirables", wearing stripey lacoste jumpers, huge Rockport shoes, pastel coloured ben sherman shirts, and more gold than Fort Knox, who get
aggressive when they don't get served immediately, can't tolerate a stranger looking in their direction etc. But this is commonplace in most nightclubs. It's quite humourous to watch some of these being ejected from the club before 11pm, drunk as ever, sat on the side of the fountain with their heads in their hands and their Ben Sherman shirt covered in vomit. Occasionally, one poor fellow will fall backwards into the ice-cold fountain! Oh how we laughed! In the past few months, Tall Trees has become quite a Mecca for these types, subsequently downturning many people's opninions of the place.

On the whole though, the place is generally very friendly, unlike other local nightclubs (namely Millenium), and it's no surprise to find yoruself engaging in drunken conversation with total strangers!

LAYOUT: On the Friday's, the large ballroom suite, known as the "Alexander Suite", is not open. This is reserved for the Saturday night events and the Retro nights. But the rest of the club is open - a large reception leading around to a large bar overlooking the health club's swimming pool, with stairs leading up to the ever popular "Library Bar", overlooking the car-park and fountain, as well as the main club area - 2 levels (3 including the VIP) looking over the dancefloor, with bar's all around. On warmer evenings, there is an outside patio, with benches and tables. Perfect for chilling out for a bit.

DRINKING: The main bars are usually very busy, so it is a good idea to make extensive use of the "Bottle Bars", bars serving only bottled lager and alcopops. They are only supposed to serve 1 drink at a time, but if you're crafty and point to a random group of people, you may be able to blag yourself 5 or 6 bottles! I'd avoid the pints of lager - usually disgusting, and stick with the spirits/mixers or the pints of "Diesel", or if you're a southerner, known as "Sn
akebite Black" (I think). Tequila and orange is my personal favourite.

MUSIC: Mainly cheese, so music would not be to the liking of the hardcore clubber. Their night is Saturday, and of course the Retro nights. In the main club area, the DJ usually plays a 70s-80s-90s mix, although recently this has been replaced by the local radio stattion 96.6 TFM taking over the stage with dancers and clearly-miming unknown pop stars. Up in the library bar, the night starts with mostly cheese, early 90s stuff (Groove is in the Heart etc), but later on moves to a bit of chill-out dance.

PULLING: A haven. Scattered ass everywhere you look. 50/50 male/female ratio. Full of classy birds, although watch out for the "Gorillas In The Mist", brought out by your own alcohol consumption. There are also quite a few undesirable females, with bleached blond hair showing roots, wearing those gold moveable clown pendants. But the presence of the fine classy ladies cancels this out. You've got a VERY GOOD chance of pulling at Tall Trees, whether male or female.

So, in conclusion, my opinion is that it's still an amazing night out (why else would go every Friday?), although its best days are over. DEFINITELY worth the long trip up though, and surely to be a night you'll never forget!

Enjoy!

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