Junjo Romantica. Pure Romance. Boy x Boy; ass x ass. Or something like that. I'm not a yaoi character, I don't know how this works.

Saying that, I'd like to commence reviewing Junjo Romantica using the yaoi methods invested in me from fujoshi from far and wide.


1. Let's stare into their eyes as they unsettlingly quiver.


Take a look at the art. A quick Google will tell you all you need to know about this.

Ok. Ok. Fine! The art...sigh...it hurts me to call this art. I just need to create a slideshow of everything that is wrong with this:

a. Yaoi hands
These guys make basketballs look like yoyos.

b. Tiny heads
Misaki must have to shop in the child section every winter.

c. Eyes. Don't look directly at them.
They'll follow you around the room.

d. Have I mentioned the hands yet? Look at them.
I refuse to get over this.

e. Clothes. I thought gay guys were meant to be stylish?
It's amazing to me that they can do their buttons up.

f. The eyebrows are both overbearing and transparent at the same time.
Like a ghostly mother-in-law.

I can't talk about this anymore, I have to save something for my therapist.


2. Let's 'accidentally' put our hand on their crotch.


I will be frank, inspired by Frank at talktofrank.com: the sex looks like a dwarf fighting with a robot made from a deckchair.

On a more serious note... I understand that a lot of the audience *cough* 12 year old girls *cough* are only interested in this because of the sexual content. I'd rather not get deeper into it than that. I can only say that not only the drawings of the sex bother me - and they are truly heinous, like occular herpes - but the story behind these scenes, too, are unacceptable. This is not sex. This molestation. This is sexual assault. This is rape. Misaki does not want to have sex with Usagi (can't believe I just typed Bunny in romanised Japanese with no irony whatsoever). Usagi forces him - whether it's because he knows he's gay, or he just doesn't care if Misaki doesn't want to have sex with him, it's wrong, it's wrong, it's wrong. Fiction or not: Wrong.

There's also a more... disturbing dimension to Usagi (did it again, whoops). Usagi mentions that he was molested/raped by another person, which "made him gay". He also collects teddy bears and children's toys, leaving them around his apartment and bedroom. I don't know. It's unsettling. I would love to dissect this with the cast of Criminal Minds, but, I don't have rights to that show.


3. Let's tragically misunderstand one another.


The story is just...misunderstandings heaped on top of misunderstandings. It's nail bitingly awful, but so are most romance movies: girl meets guy, coincidences ensue, girl and guy have sex and decide to live happily ever after. I am no rocket surgeon, but in comparison Junjo Romantica is neither different or worse than the average romance story. Apart from the penises, I guess it has more than the average...


4. Let's make love and listen to death from above


Don't read this. Don't let others read this. Stop continuing to let this travesty happen. Thank-you and goodbye.

miwa score: -100/5

Recommendations: 70s mothers of shoujo manga Keiko Takemiya and Moto Hagio have some great boy's love comics floating about, beautifully drawn, compellingly written, and executed with a dignity today's modern garish comics lack. "Heart of Thomas" is coming out this month, published by Fantagraphics, so be sure to look out for it if you're interested. I also like the work of "Shoowa", Nakamura Asumiko (beautiful art, to die for, weird stories), and Miyamoto Kano.

P.S. Don't tell anyone I wrote this. Especially my mum.