The Centre Of All To Fear (Alnwick in general)

Name: Peakly

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Product:	Alnwick in general
Date:	25/11/00 (136 review reads)
Rating:

Advantages: A Lovely Old Castle, A Pretty Old Park, Quaint Little Houses

Disadvantages: An Foolish Council, A Huge 'Chaver' Population, The Centre Of All To Fear

I've lived in Alnwick for the majority of my life. I share home here, I attend schooling here, I walk the streets here. It is my duty, to warn you all.

As the darkness falls upon our quaint little Alnwick, there comes a mighty storm of evil. The gates of hell break wide, and demons of the night come forth in their hords. They come, not as bearers of death, but of torture, and they are mercyless. We locals call them 'The Council'.

The Council are infact, the slaves of Satan. We speak of them with shouts and fists of rage in the comfort of day, but at night, the name is known only in whispers, compounded in that falling fables of our dreams. They leave ours roads un-gritted, charge us to park by our own homes, and laugh in the face of the youth, who seek with desperation for something to do.

Alnwick, is a lovely place to visit. As a place to live, it's not so great. Every year we have 'Alnwick Fair' and 'Alnwick Music Festival'. If you come to both these events on year, you won't fail to me taken in by the quaint, old-fashioned events. Stalls and stalls of crafts, organic bread, garden statues. Roads blocked by marching bands and bag-pipe weilding Scots. Come along one year, and you will have a great time. See it every year of your life, and the appeal dies down. Here, all but our greedy shop-owners despise both these events. For most of us, the fairs and festivals spell only hundreds of American Tourists having fits over our castle, and the same mundane brass-bands and events we ignore for two weeks every year.

For shopping, Alnwick is average. The town is dominated by the over-priced Safeways, which has a huge monopoly on the entire community. One day, myself and friends hope to over-throw the dictorship of Safeways and burn it's harrowing halls to ashes. The town also has a Woolworths and a WH Smiths, as well as a huge array of crappy gifts shops and charity affairs. I
f not for the lack of sea-side, one could almost be forgiven for thinking they have taken a turn and ended up in Blackpool at times.

Alnwick has roughly one million first-schools, five million middle schools, and one, fat high-school. Because we are in Rural Northumberland, the government doesn't see fit to fund our education (we will only all become farmers anyway, right?), so our equipment is lacking.

The population consists of three main people:

The Old
The Chavers
The Bored

The old is fairly obvious, while the term 'chaver' may not be. A 'chaver' is the kind of scum those of us who want to leave Alnwick depise. They talk with almost offensive Northumbrian accents, smoke, wear ridiclous bright sport clotes, have bleached hair and are generally stupid. I may sound like a monster, but if you lived here you would know. As far as the youth go, it's a 70:30 split, Chavers:Normal People. The Chavers will drop out of school at 16. If they are female, they will have varying amounts of children to different men, eventually marry one, then support their family with crap jobs while smoking a lot and looking older then they really are. The males will spend the early part of their adulthood driving around picking up 15/16 year old years and smoking a lot. Most will seek fights at the weekends when they get drunk, and nearly all will walk with a strut, as if they are carrying invisible television beneath each arm. The normal people, like myself and my friends, are different. Maybe we have more money or two parents or something, but we all tend to want to stay at school and get the hell out Alnwick, leaving the Chavers to feel like big-shots within our sleeply town.

Alnwick is a beautiful place, with a lovely castle and park and so forth, but beneath the surface their is nothing. The Council provide us with little in the ways of activities, and most of the towns attentions go on tourists ra
ther then residants. Come here for the fair, buy your rock then leave. If your thinking of setting up home, try Northern Ireland instead.

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