Depends who you are with (Eastbourne in General)

Member Name: mpafp

Product:	Eastbourne in General
Date:	02/08/03 (247 review reads)
Rating:

Advantages: naff can be fun

Disadvantages: naff can be naff

I recently went on holiday to Eastbourne with my girlfriend. Possibly, if we were incredibly wealthy, we would have gone somewhere else. This did not stop it being perhaps the best holiday in my life.

All along the coast of England there are places such as Eastbourne which stand as a testament to the faded Edwardian glory of the British seaside. Nobody really wants to go to the British seaside anymore because, if we?re honest, it?s shit. You go down onto the beach, picking up fag ends and dogs turds as you go, and you spread your towel on the cleanest bit of sand you can see. It will probably be a kind of yellowy-grey colour. You sit there for ten minutes, buffeted by the gales which incessantly stream along the English coastline, before you finally decide that some concession to tradition must be made, and you remove your t-shirt (...jumper, coat, long-johns, thermal underpants, boots...) to reveal a pasty body protected only by a bit of skimpy swimwear. That pastiness -- it is worth mentioning at this point -- will not change no matter how long you spend here. You leap to your feet before you have time to collapse in a wailing ball of self-pity, and start running towards the ocean. You are soon caught up with by a ferocious-looking dachshund who fixes his teeth playfully into your calf while its owner stands watching stoically, a faint smile of satisfaction playing on his lips. You beat off the dog with a handy plastic spade, to the outrage of the owner, and continue towards the water, where you plunge in headfirst. When you resurface you are kneeling on some particularly painful rocks, up to your neck in the icy water, your testicles have shrunk out of existence and you have seaweed in your mouth. It is at this point that you notice the sewage pipe...

And so it goes on.

Eastbourne is little different from any of these typical places. Some of them have funny counterweighted cars which take you up and down cliffs, but Eastbou
rne does not. It does, however, have a bandstand with a rather impressive band, as well as the typical fish and chips, rock, candy floss and batter doughnuts which constitute a seaside diet. Our hotel (Prince?s Hotel) served the worst food I?ve ever experienced (including in both my past schools), but did have a really lovely receptionist, who gave us advice about what to do, and endearingly told us to go and get ?mashed? on Sunday night. There was a huge amount of old people knocking about the place, which has the advantage of making you feel really youthful and cool. It rained the majority of the time.

Basically it?s really naff. However, naff places are the best places to go with someone who is very important to you. With the right person, adverse conditions will lead only to a greater appreciation of each other, and the excellent comic material that shitty places provide results in some satisfying mutual entertainment, and some rather distinctive memories.

I?d recommend a holiday in Eastbourne to people who really enjoy each other?s company, especially if you are in love enough to amuse yourselves in the hotel room whenever the outside conditions get too much.

M

Summary: