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Gloucester, city of life
Gloucester in General
Member Name: DeusXM
Gloucester in General
Date: 24/02/02, updated on 24/02/02 (187 review reads)
Advantages: Doesn't take up too much space on a map, good for rugby, makes you feel better about yourself and your own town.
Disadvantages: When ice forms in Gloucester, people say hell's frozen over.
I live in Gloucester. Therefore, maybe I'm biased. But I've been to some really awful places in my time, and in my top 100 worst places to be, Gloucester rates somewhere about number 28, slightly better than Hiroshima 1945, but worse than in a locked freezer.
Why do I feel like this? Let's take a virtual tour, shall we?
Most visitors to Gloucester arrive at the bus station via the National Express. Ok, have we got off the bus? Good. Now, try to avoid all the pigeon shit that seems to rain from the roof, and hold on to your wallet. When the bearded man who hasn't changed his clothes since 1987 comes towards you and demands alcohol, run. Do not try to hide in the Photo-me booth because there's already a heroin addict in there, and he's not good at aiming the needle.
Once you've run out of the bus station, you hit the taxi rank. Dodge the speeding cars and cross over to the next street, where the local buses stop. Feel free to trample on the dozens of hooded-topped 12-year-olds outside Games Workshop, avoid the strange urine-like smell coming from the back of MVC, and then you enter into King's Walk, Gloucester's answer to Harrods.
Some of the shops are alright, I mean, they've got an HMV, an MVC, an EB. Step out into Eastgate Street.
Avoid the homeless person with the big dog outside BHS. Now, let's have a quick look at the endearing people of Gloucester. Notice how they all look extremely pissed-off about something? That there are large amounts of unfeasibly ugly women with legions of kids trailing behind, complaining?
This is the problem with Gloucester. There's very little to do here except procreate, which makes the problem worse really, but never mind. Otherwise you've got a choice of the variety of pubs at the bottom of Eastgate Street, and there's Liquid, which is someone's attempt at creating a low budget nightclub. It's conveniently loca
ted next to the bomb site that is Gloucester Leisure Centre under construction, which has been under construction for the last 2 years, and looks to be set that way until the legions of kids learn how to drive.
Next to the bus station is the big car park, Gloucester's major tourist attraction, and conveniently located underneath is Crackers, Fred West's idea of a good place to go for a night out. Remember him? The guy who raped and killed loadsa women? He lived in Gloucester.
If you want to go and see something in Gloucester, I suppose you could do worse than try the museum or the Cathedral. Both tend to be completely empty because Gloucester people 'don't want nuffin' to do with that there fancy book learning'.
To be honest, the Council have tried to improve things. I mean, we nearly got an industrial waste incinerator put between the hospital and the major residential areas, but this wonderful plan has been put on a back-burner for a while.
If you're really at a loose end, you can go to the cinema, which is conveniently located too far away from the town centre.
Gloucester offers the very best in British and American cuisine, be it the roast pork van or the delights of MacDonald's and KFC. Sarcasm aside for a moment, there are some great curry places in the city which are worth a look at, and Deep pan does do excellent pizzas.
The city is also a major cultural centre for the south-west region, being a base location for Peruvian panpipe players, homeless guitarists, and even features people who will put coloured things in your hair in exchange for large sums of money. At the Guildhall, you can also see tribute band after tribute band, and the lesser known art of shouting at people is well supported.
Gloucester has a lot to offer in terms of sport. On Friday and Saturday nights, gloveless boxing takes place outside many establishments
, with the focus on spectator participation. The park, safely located next to Fred West's old house, provides a perfect location to perfect your football skills as you dodge the hypodermic needles (remember to bring your ball pump!), and Gloucester even has a multiple sports terrain next to the River Severn. In the summer months it is used for rugby and football, and in winter, swimming and water polo are options when the river floods and covers the field completely.
Perhaps though, the best thing about Gloucester, is the number 94 bus that takes you to Cheltenham. Providing, of course, the bus is running that day.
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