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Windsor Ontario my trips
Windsor in general
Member Name: Cammij
Windsor in general
Date: 23/05/03, updated on 23/05/03 (1552 review reads)
Advantages: Hot babes, Cheap food, great Music
Disadvantages: All the people are poor, all the guys are wimps
This is entirely true.
I love the city of Windsor Ontario. To many yanks, such as myself who live within 125 miles of the border it is a Mecca for debauchery, synonomous with hard living, youth drinking and strip clubs. I live two hours away, close enough for a weekly drive to get my groceries amid a slightly foreign environment.
I love Canada, I dig Windsor and Niagra Falls. The people are very friendly and the women are incredibly hot and the men there are total geeks that are too obssessed with Hockey to worry about some real men making border raids to take their women.
I went there two days ago to drive around, buy food and do some shopping. It is easy to get there, 2 hours of freeway driving, a $3 bridge toll and then the intrusive yet simple interrogation and harassment by customs. See I am simply classified by most decent people as biker trash and they do not like letting me into many countries.
Me and my friend J-Rod who I hadn't seen in 5 years decided to cruise up there and do some catching up. We used to be in bands together before he went away to the Army. It was great to catch up on old times. He met me at my house and we drove up there and listened to some music, after about twenty minutes of hearing the grooves I am into he turned off the radio and said, "I know this song that maybe you have heard before...."I'm the street sweeper sweeping up the trash I'm the street sweeper who should I bash" We spent the next hour singing all of our old songs that we played together in the seminal Prog Band 'Satan Sanchez's Unholy Trinity'. We decided immediately to find us a new drummer and put our band back together. He is a lot younger than me and we used to take him to Niagra Falls when he was 16 to drink and party and we knew Canada would bring back fond memories.
Canada is a strange place, unlike other American states they have their own money with funny pictures on it
and they speak a language called Canuck which is close to American English but every sentence ends with "Eh?" and they pronounce words like House and About funny. It is a very poor state and the people seem to be uneducated and ignorant but they are nice because they want real American dollars that they know you have. But they are sweet people and the broads are drop dead gorgeous in a simple unadultered way. It is heaven.
We went first to Devonshire Mall and looked for a store called "Winners" but it was gone. It is a good place to buy clothes. Things are cheap to begin with because all Canadian people are poor and then if you give them a dollar you get $1.47 in their pretend money. The women at the mall are hot. We tried to sign up at a booth at the mall to be photo models and they were cordial to us despite the fact that I am a hardcore ugly bastard with tattoos on my head and J-Rod is two meters high and 315 pounds of evil. They let us sign up to be models and took polaroids of us. I got to be a model one time. The railroad police needed pictures of guys my age to use in a photo lineup and the cinder dick was impressed by how criminal Schafe and me looked and took our pictures. Devonshire mall has some very good food places too.
Mostly Canadians just eat red licorice, they have it at all stores and it is like 40p for a pound. But my favorite snack is the set of chocolate covered blueberries, cherries, and cranberries that are like 3 quid for two pound. I like a grocery store called Basics and another called Zehr's. They call their K-Mart Zellers and they have Wal-Mart now. I like their Wal-Mart. A hot chic named Emma rang us up and complimented the hoop in my nose, as she had a nice little stud in her own. I would like to offer her stud service and fill her holes.
We also went to a sports bar called Cramdens. It was nice and they have lots of good beer on tap including monthly specials. I know that Canadi
ans don't deserve nice things because they are poor and stupid but they have the best beers in the world, specifically labatt. But their ciggies suck and cost $5 a pack.
The call a lot of stuff in the grocery store the wrong names but they really are Ok. And then even though most of the people understand American all their packages have Belgian on one side and American on the other. They also have lots of foreigners there. Foreigners are people from non English speaking countries in my lexicon. like you got Peopel from England and Ireland and then Germans and Hollanders and Scandanavians and boers who don't speak American but are okay and then the rest of the world is foreigners, and that is what I am talking about Canada being full of. They must have a lot of SARS there because of it. They do have a whoel street of Arabic restaurants and stores and a nice Mosque that is having free food and an open house tommorrow.
I liek Canada and would not mind having awoman from there because she could probaly learn to act like a normal person and my kids would be normal, they could probaly learn to hide where they came from.
I go to Windsor a lot and plan to go back more even though we had bad luck this time. Coming back the guard at the tunnel axed me if we bought any food and I toad him that we had been grocery shopping. He made us get all our bags out of the car and he went through them and threw out my sheppard pies, J-Rods wal-mart steaks and my lunch meat. We were laughing because we were drunk anyways. And I asked the guy why he was stealing our food and he say me "Don't you watch the news or read the paper" and he clearrly thought he was better than us because he does those things. And I was all like, "no" and he shows me this damn paper about jakobs Kruezfeld disease in cows, I guess cows have been eating human brains or something because that is the only way to get that. So I asked, "Will this ffod
go to poor people" and he got nasty and said, "No, I just told you that it has a risk of being contaminated" and I was all like, "No shit buddy, but you could still give it to the needy" and he got mad at me and said, "It is going to be destroyed" and I said, "yes, burnt on the grill you have out back" and he got real mad and said, "Now I am going to rip your car apart for that", but he didn't. which is good because although my Jeep is new and pretty clean you never know when a vial may be lodged somewhere in a seat or mapcase. I mean I keep good track of my crack but it could fall out anywhere and then you can be screwed. I like hassling the border people which is bogus cuz when we go to PA or Indiana we never have to do this.