you betsa not forget (10 indispensable things to take on holiday with you)

Member Name: nednod

Product:	10 indispensable things to take on holiday with you
Date:	13/03/05 (1085 review reads)
Rating:

Advantages: is, that , good

Disadvantages: enough, marandina, ?

god, i bet you thought i was italian there, due to my italian title. but no, betsa is actually just a word i made up. due to the big pansy mr. maryandina (see what i done there) moaning like a woman, i've been forced into writing one of these. and obviously, this is written in tablature, as stuff you must not forget to take on holiday, otherwise, WHATS THE POINT ON GOING? no point, if you forget these that is. also, this applies to everywhere in the world, not just if your going to your local petrol station, as i have done many a time. so much to do, for all the family to.

1. Your favourite Phil Collin's album.
Always a must have for any sort of journey, whether it be one lasting a couple of hours, all the way upto 46 hours. (theres always the repeat button, so you don't just have to keep on pressing play again, and if your feeling really whacky, most modern cd players have shuffle to.) personally, i would choose Love Songs, which is just a most beautiful collection, old and new, from the big man. just gives a great all round feel to the trip, especially if your with one foxy no tail. Look out for The Way You Look Tonight, numero 13 on disc 2, its a stomper. If love songs aren't your thing though, (though i don't know who this applies to because everybody loves a bit of sweet lovin) then face value not only has love, but it has pure heavy metal. Phil Collin's first solo album, and just whilst he twas splitting with his lady friend, you can feel the pure emotion in songs like,"in the air tonight." get ready to ROCK.

2. Spoons
May seem a silly idea, everywhere has spoons you might say, but have you ever seen any spoons on the side of the motorway, when your hungry as most chubby man who hasn't eaten for 8 days, and about to dig into your favourite chocolate mousse? no, i don't think you have. and if you are thinking, "hey, Ned! why not just use your fingers?" you make me sick. more germs under your finger nails than on a toilet seat, (apart from my toilet seat, cos my little brother always wees all over it due to bad aim i imagine.) this could cause to all sorts of problems whilst on holiday, one example is when i got diorhea, to have the feeling of hot treacle escaping from you, is not a nice one, i can assure you. so remember people, spoons.

3. Chest hair
Ever been on a beach, millions of no tails scattering your sights, scantily clad like some sort of late night movie, and there you are, thinking oooooooooo, get in there my son, and you take off your top, BAM, no chest hair? Have you seen how fast they disappear? the look of disgust on their faces as you reveal your smooth chest. this is not what they want, not at all. they want to see mature, fully grown locks of manly hair, flowing down your chest. maybe a little bit of originality with a few plats. even if your happily married, 3 kids, two boys and a no tail, just think what they'd think of you, their embarrasment, a father with no chest hair. personally, i'd disown my dad. he doesn't have the right to be a father. so gents, remember the hair.

4. Garlic sausage
pretty straight forward really, everyone needs a bit of garlic sausage in their lifes, more importantly, in their sandwiches. theres no subsditute for it, and your kids, if you have any, will love you for it. you smell beautiful, it tastes great, and its good to heal burning. if you've kept it cool, which i damn well hope you have. the sausage comes from most shops, i personally i like tescos ones best, not because i'm a corporate slut (every £1 in eight spent in UK goes to Tescos) but because it generally tastes the best. it doesn't have those little hard bits in, being the spanner in the works, the floater in the toilet, the marzipan in the cake, oh no, its just smooth running garlic sausage.

5. Your Latino Dance Workout With Nadia DVD
Even if you have no dvd player to play it on, you can look at the pictures, and the beatiful nadia. if peeps hasn't seen this yet, then they,
1) have no life
2) must be really unhealthy- the only way to be healthy is with this
3) find nadia unattractive- have no sense of beauty at all
for anyone who doesn't know, uck, nadia is the beautiful chick with a shmick, from big brother 870983475. probably the most beautiful woman on the planet, here she offers her fantastic advice on how to be fit, and dance whilst doing it. Going on holiday maybe a time for relaxing, and relax with this, not only is it great eye candy, but also ear candy (nadia has a beautiful accent, and laugh.) if you are serious about your health, (that includes mental health) i suggest you get this, and take it on any holiday. watch it with all the family, every night to give a feeling of good health and long living to the holiday.

6. Your mobile phone
as many of you will probably know, due to me being the most popular dooyooer EVER and everyone trying to find out everything they can about me, i most sincerely dislike mobile phones. However, on holiday, how are you supposed to chat with all your lady friends, if you have no phone? its also good if you want to call 999, or 911, or whatever their emergency line is, incase you have forgotten your spoons. or just want a chat, i warn you though, they aren't usually very nice, their like,
"999 emergency"
"evenin sugar muffin, how are you?"
"whats your problem sir?"
"well i've lost my virginity, may i have yours?"
then they hang up. whats with that? usually works a treat.

7. suntan lotion
most people take this anyway, doctors have proved that sunburn can be really harmful and stuff. just listen to the song baz lurhman- everybody's free (to wear sunscreen) it tells everything there. personally, i just wear it to make my enormous muscles look even better than they already do, "HOW'S THAT POSSIBLE?" i hear you asking, well suntan lotion works on much the same principals as baby oil, and we all know the magic of that stuff. it makes me look like i'm plastic, how fantastic, i'm a poet, and i know it. but really, burns can hurt, thats why you need the sausage, for everything a reason.

8. picnic basket
where else are you going to take a poo on the beach? and please don't say in the sea, weeing, yes, it warms your thighs up, pooing, unmentionable. but if you have a picnic basket, just get it so its poking out, then *pretend* to trip over,and land with your bum in the basket, causing lots of *laughter* which gives you time to take a poo. problem solved. just make sure you take your sandwiches out first, inless, well, i won't go there.

9. money
inless your some downright scrounger, which i wouldn't dream of being, then money is an essential whilst having a holiday. how are you gonna get Ned a present with no money? i accept most things, everyone has to pretend to like their presents,
"oh, i really wanted these tea towels, thanks"
but i do love to see a bit of effort being put in
"cheers darlin, i've always wanted a signed picture of dale winton." IF ONLY. but small things are important to bring back, to remember your holidays. one of those things you shake which makes it look like its snowing, a bottle with a ship inside, or a signed picture of dale winton, they all have good memories, and kids, that what its all about.

10. a photo of Ned
now theres not much need for this to be on the list, seen as i know everyone would remember this essential anyway. to cuddle if feeling a bit homesick, kiss if feeling a bit lively, just admire if your bored. probably the most important thing on my list, and one, i know people going on holiday, especially new york with their family, when they have to remember their ear plugs eventhough they're sleeping about 13 floors up.

laters people.

http://www.toothpastefordinner.com/062002/thank-y ou.gif

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