Well today is a bit of a Dooyoo milestone for me in that it's my ten year anniversary (I think that counts as addiction!), yes I've been scribbling my thoughts on an array of subjects for a whole decade (give or take a couple of non-active periods). Dooyoo has cost me far more than I've earned as I tend to buy a lot of the products I ... read about, which is great as over the years I've sussed out whose recommendations to trust and have discovered plenty of new products, brands and services through my time spent reading reviews.
I thought I'd celebrate this milestone with a Q&A challenge which I shamelessly stole from the competition (you know, the irritating orange site which is currently sponsored by Hotpoint and creepy Chinese 'singles' ads) - god alone knows how long it'll take me to answer 100 questions so I'd best crack on. Apologies in advance for any feelings of boredom which may arise from reading (or, let's be honest, skimming) this review.
1. Grab the book nearest to you, turn to page 18, and find line 4.
The second hospital scan was on September 5th. From 'Thoughts of a New Old Mum' by our very own KarenUK - review coming soon!
2. Stretch your left arm out as far as you can, What can you touch?
My two year olds scooter - I'm sitting in the garden soaking up a bit of sun in between the showers.
3. Before you started this survey, what were you doing?
Chatting to Dooyoo's own lak11 on Facebook, but she had to go shopping and left me at a loose end! Boo!
4. What is the last thing you watched on TV?
A documentary about food giant Monsanto - extremely eye opening and a subject that is definitely worthy of more research. It's quite frightening what we put into our bodies these days, it would seem that even growing our own food isn't necessarily keeping us safe from the harm these mega-corporations can cause in the name of 'profit'.
5. Without looking, guess what time it is
6. Now look at the clock. What is the actual time?
12.32pm - oops, I was a bit off there! Well I have been up since 5am!
7. With the exception of the computer, what can you hear?
My two youngest kids playing and my two oldest kids having some argument with Mark about... well, I'm not sure actually but I can see it ending in tears if the fourteen year old calls her dad a 'twat' one more time...
8. When did you last step outside? What were you doing?
I'm outside now. I'm sitting in the garden chair answering these questions, drinking a cup of coffee and contemplating whether to cook a Sunday roast or put a picky buffet style lunch on.
9. Did you dream last night?
I did, yes. I dreamed that I booked us a last minute holiday to Greece only when we arrived at the hotel I'd accidentally traveled with my mum and mother in law instead of my family. I know my partner was in the dream (and this bit is hazy) but by the time we got to the hotel he'd somehow, and somewhere, morphed into my sister. It was a very odd dream, not least because my mum ended up being poisoned by a piece of steak she ate in the hotel restaurant but while she was eating it was scampi! I think maybe I overdid the cheese before bed last night!
10. Do you remember your dreams?
Sometimes but not often, although some mornings I'll have the feeling I've dreamed but can conjure up absolutely nothing about what my dream involved - I've learned not to bother hunting details out as if my dream recollections don't come naturally then they won't come at all.
11. When did you last laugh?
Five minutes ago, a real belly laugh!
12. Do you remember why / at what?
Hollie and David dancing to Dizzee Rascal in the back garden - the main laugh came in when Hollie grabbed David and told him to get his 'boyfriend to hold his jar', while David just looked confused!
13. What is on the walls of the room you are in?
I'm outside so the only walls I can currently see are solid brick!
14. Seen anything weird lately?
Yes, a couple of months ago - something so weird I can't stop thinking about it! My two year old son isn't talking properly yet but the words he does know he tends to repeat into infinity. This night his word was 'night', as in goodnight before bed. He went round all of us (night mummy, night daddy, night Charlotte repeat ad nauseum) and when he'd had his fill of the Waltons script he toddled into the dining room, pointed at an old black and white photo of Mark's dad and said 'night granddad'. Nothing weird about that, except Mark's dad (also called David) has been dead for twenty-odd years and we don't discuss him with the kids as although he's their granddad they never knew him. Hell, my own dad has been dead for years so our kids haven't got a living granddad - I really, really want to know a) how David knew the man on the photo was his granddad and b) how he even knows the WORD granddad to use it! Very, very weird and just a little bit creepy!
15. What do you think of this quiz?
I'm enjoying it, but then I'm quite sad and enjoy Q&A thingys!
16. What was the last film you saw?
The Hunger Games - which I didn't think was a patch on the novel!
17. If you could live anywhere in the world, where would it be?
To answer this one I need to go back in time as the one place I yearn to live again is Kenya, but the Kenya of the early 90s back in the days when you didn't need an armed guard just to walk to the local school. I spent part of my teenage years living in a small village which was absolutely idyllic, hot for most of the year and Kenyan people are so beautiful both in appearance and heart - I cry for that country above any other when I hear of what it's become (or becoming at the very least).
18. If you became a multi-millionaire overnight, what would you buy?
I'd start the spend up with one huge gift each for everyone in my immediate family, just to start us off on the millionaire lifestyle. First would have to be a car for my (just turned) seventeen year old daughter who is due to start her driving lessons very soon, for my music-mad fourteen year old I'd source a 'special' guitar and drumset for her - not forgetting the soundproofing for her bedroom in my new millionaires mansion! Hollie at six would be treated to the mother of all spend ups in the Disney Store (our favourite shop!) and two year old David would most likely be fobbed off with a couple of hundred quids worth of Thomas & Friends toys. My mum and mother in law would likely get a cheque, those two certainly aren't millionaires but neither are they particularly materialistic people so wouldn't want flashy gifts - and anyway, they're both pensioners and can afford better than I can to buy whatever they want without me getting lucky on Lotto! For myself? A couple of pairs of Laboutins please, and the £12,000 handbag I saw in Harrods earlier this year!
19. Tell me something about you that most people don't know.
I'm a qualified medical secretary.
20. If you could change one thing about the world, regardless of guilt or politics, what would you do?
I'd share the wealth out more fairly. I found out just today that the gold carriage our queen rides around in for state occasions is worth in excess of £28 million, now just google for images of the Ethiopean famine victims and tell me it's not obscene. I must clarify here that I have nothing against the queen, but the fact remains that she's a perfect example of someone who is outrageously rich and does little or nothing to ease the suffering of people in this world whose lives could be drastically changed (hell, saved!) if she (for starters) melted down that bloody carriage and traveled in one of her fleet of Bentleys instead. I'd also put a stop to the death penalty the world over, no one has earned the right to put another human being to death regardless of whatever crime has been committed. I'd like to think I'd have the power to vanquish religion into the annals of history too, but I think the 1.2 billion Catholics and 1.5 billion Muslims (and everyone else in between!) would have something to say about that!
21. Do you like to dance?
If I'm in the mood then yes, I'm not one of those girls who can dance at the drop of a hat though.
22. Would you ever consider living abroad?
Of course! I've lived abroad numerous times in my life and wouldn't hesitate to do so again.
23. Does your name make any interesting anagrams?
No, not according to an online anagram maker I've just checked with. Apart from the uber-clever one of Christina Cooke (my name) being an anagram of, umm, Christian Cooke.
24. Who made the last incoming call on your phone?
My daughter who was in A&E with her dad after being taken ill with a gastric problem, she's really quite poorly actually but still remembered to phone to ask (nay, demand) that I record How I Met Your Mother - which I promptly forgot to do so I'll definitely be in the doghouse tomorrow when she realises!
25. What is the last thing you downloaded onto your computer?
A recipe for ginger and lemongrass prawn skewers.
26. Last time you swam in a pool?
Ten years ago at least.
27. Type of music you like the most?
Reggae, I absolutely adore it.
28. Type of music you dislike most?
That metal which sounds like someone screaming 'wah, raaaaah, wah, deeeeeeath' to the backing of badly played guitars and too-loud drumwork. And folk music, what the hell is that all about?!
29. Are you listening to music right now?
Yes, Amy Winehouse's Back to Black album.
30. What colour is your bedroom carpet?
31. If you could change something about your home, without worry about expense or mess, what would you do?
I'd remove the vile clay soil in the garden and replace it with a soil that can actually be used to grow anything other than grass - but that's about it, my house is pretty near perfect for my family.
32. What was the last thing you bought?
A Thomas & Friends comic for David and a Hello Kitty one for Hollie - over seven quid done on two ridiculously thin items that will likely be in the bin by Monday at the latest!
33. Have you ever ridden on a motorbike?
I've been on the back of too many two-wheelers to count and am pretty adept at riding a quad bike myself.
34. Would you go bungee jumping or sky diving?
No, but my daredevil partner has done both.
35. Do you have a garden?
Yes, no idea of the size but it's ideal for us.
36. Do you really know all the words to your national anthem?
Nah, first verse only as per most of the population!
37. What is the first thing you think of when you wake up in the morning?
Should I wake Mark up for a start of the day fumble - I usually do!!!
38. If you could eat lunch with one famous person, who would it be?
Madonna - she might be turning haggish these days (did you see her with the grillz the other day?! LMAO!) but she fascinates me and could tell some interesting tales I'm sure!
39. Who sent the last text message you received?
I can't remember, I've been without a phone for a week now after breaking my second in three months. Probably my partner, either with a naughty but nice text or one asking me to bring him a chippy in on the way back from the afternoon school run.
40. Which store would you choose to max out your credit card?
Just one shop?! That's stupid! Erm... probably Debenhams but I really couldnt say for sure.
41. What time is bedtime?
Whenever I'm tired is the only answer, which could be any time from 11pm - 3am.
42. Have you ever been in a beauty pageant?
Yes, when I was about nine - and I won!
43. How many tattoos do you have?
None, I'd love one but haven't worked up the bottle to take the plunge yet!
44. If you don't have any, have you ever thought of getting one?
Yes, I'd love to have a tattoo but I still have reservations - and while there's still an element of doubt I don't dare do it.
45. What did you do for your last birthday?
Mark took me shopping into town and then we popped in for a Pizza Hut buffet meal, when we got home he bought me a bottle of Disaronno and we chilled out on our own after mum offered to have all four of our kids for a couple of days. It doesn't sound like an exciting birthday but it was bliss really.
46. Do you carry a donor card?
No but my family are aware of my wishes.
47. Who was the last person you ate dinner with?
My mum and three daughters (David was at nursery), we went for a cheeky lunchtime carvery.
48. Is the glass half empty or half full?
Half full, every time!
49. What's the farthest-away place you've been?
Kenya or Jamaica, whichever is furthest from Birmingham UK!
50. When's the last time you ate a homegrown tomato?
A couple of days ago when my uncle sent us a bag of his tomatoes over.
51. Have you ever won a trophy?
No, I don't think so.
52. Are you a good cook?
Sometimes, the thing with my cooking is that it might not always look fabulous but it always (or usually!) tastes good. Mark and the kids might or might not agree with that statement!
53. Do you know how to pump your own gas?
Of course I do, we haven't got gas station servants in the UK!
54. If you could meet any one person (from history or currently alive), who would it be?
Queen Elizabeth the first, for the simple reason that she absolutely fascinates me.
55. Have you ever had to wear a uniform to school?
Yes, never liked it much as a kid but now I've got school age children myself I can certainly see it's a good idea.
56. Do you touch-type?
57. What's under your bed?
My toy box! :o)
58. Do you believe in love at first sight?
I'd like to think it exists, but I think love has to build really. Lust at first sight, fascination at first sight - but not love at first sight.
59. Think fast, what do you like right now?
Coffee and Crunchy Nut Cornflakes. Not together. Usually.
60. Where were you on Valentine's day?
I can't remember - at home probably.
61. What time do you get up?
Anywhere between 6am and 7am.
62. What was the name of your first pet?
Barney, he was a little cross-breed pooch who was the size of a Jack Russell with huge paws (we thought he was going to be a big dog based on the size of them!) and rottweiler colouring.
63. Who is the second to last person to call you?
My partners accountant who needs to come and check the books on Monday. Deep joy, wish I hadn't answered the phone to the anal little pr*ck!
64. Is there anything going on this weekend?
Trips to A&E with one child, a visit to the emergency docs with another, shopping, cooking and cleaning out the rabbit hutch. Is the excitement radiating from this review yet?!
65. How are you feeling right now?
Relaxed but tired.
66. What do you think about the most?
The kids and how their lives are going, I worry for them because of the state of things at the moment in the world but think they're (the oldest two anyway) are beginning to take things seriously now.
67. What time do you get up in the morning?
I've already answered this! Between 6am and 7am - usually closer to six...
68. If you had A Big Win in the Lottery, how long would you wait to tell people?
I'd probably be on the phone within seconds of checking the numbers!
69. Who would you tell first?
I'd tell my partner first (if we hadn't just had a row!) and then the kids, my mum would be one of the first to know too.
70. What is the last movie that you saw at the cinema?
Titanic in 3D - I don't go to the cinema very often, think that was last year. Oh, actually no - I went to see Epic with the kids a couple of months ago, which was ace!
71. Do you sing in the shower?
I have been known to belt out a few tunes when I'm in the mood for singing!
72. Which store would you choose to max out your credit card?
I've answered this one too - getting repetitive now, Debenhams or Boots.
73. What do you do most when you are bored?
Log onto Facebook usually!
74. What do you do for a living?
I'm firstly a housewife and mother of four, but I also do various freelance typing work for my partners clients.
75. Do you love your job?
I don't actually class myself as having a job as my typing work is erratic - the housewife and mum aspect is a resounding YES, I love it!
76. What did you want to be when you grew up?
A journalist, it would have been an absolute dream come true if I'd have stuck at my studies and built that career.
77. If you could have any job, what would you want to do/be?
I'd love to be a midwife.
78. Which came first the chicken or the egg?
Nope, I refuse to start thinking about that one - it ties my brain in knots and makes my head hurt! The short answer is that I think the egg came first, built up out of a weird combination of deposits on the earth and then something even weirder happened a baby chicken grew inside it. Evolution for Dummies!
79. How many keys on your key ring?
One - the front door key. I don't like to carry around too many keys as I've a bad long-running habit of losing them.
80. Where would you retire to?
Beddgelert in North Wales - absolutely idyllic.
81. What kind of car do you drive?
A brand spanking new Ford B-Max (with sliding back doors!) which Mark bought me back in June - it's my baby. I also drive a white Rover on occasion (my mums) and a Land Rover Discovery when I absolutely have to as it's far too big for me to handle but sometimes I have to use the seven seats.
82. What are your best physical features?
*tuts* My boobs, obviously!
83. What are your best characteristics?
I'm very honest (to a fault sometimes) but this is my best characteristic as far as other people are concerned because if you're a friend I'll fight any injustice against you and be on your side at all times, sometimes even if you're wrong. I'm also a very good judge of character and can't stick liars or cheats - a personal 'best characteristic' is that I'm very good at spotting a lie, a 'worst characteristic' is that when I cop someone in a lie I don't tend to let things drop until I get to the bottom of it!
84. If you could go anywhere in the world on vacation where would you go?
Iran, I'd love to visit that country as it really captures my imagination - can't see me ever getting there though as my partner is what you'd call a 'careful traveler'.
85. What kind of books do you like to read?
Historical work, not romances, which are based on real events and with real life of-the-time characters. That's my absolute favourite genre, I'm starting to enjoy a bit of fantasy now and again too. I like some non-fiction but it has to be a subject that interests me already, and never anything even remotely to do with child abuse thankyouverymuch.
86. Where would you want to retire to?
I've answered this one. Bermuda this time!
87. What is your favorite time of the day?
If I'm being really honest it would be 8pm, which is when my non-stop two year old goes to bed!
88. Where did you grow up?
All over the place, mainly Birmingham.
89. How far away from your birthplace do you live now?
In the past couple of years I've moved back to within five miles of my birth place -which I believe makes me a statistic.
90. What are you reading now?
I have two books on the go at the moment - Thoughts of a New Old Mum by Karen Louise Hollis (KarenUK) and Dance with Dragons, the final installment of the wonderful Game of Thrones series which has taken up the bulk of this years reading.
91. Are you a morning person or a night owl?
A night owl, you'll often see me prowling Dooyoo at 2am - and if you're a night owl too we've probably had wee-hours conversations on Facebook too!
92. Can you touch your nose with your tongue?
Only if I press the end of my nose down with my fingers!
93. Can you close your eyes and raise your eyebrows?
Yes, can't everyone do that???
94. Do you have pets?
We've got a budgie called Bob (or maybe Billy, I forget) and the cutest white and black rabbit called Domino.
95. How many rings before you answer the phone?
However many it takes for me to pick it up - bizarre question!
96. What is your best childhood memory?
When we were living in Kenya my dad arranged for us to go lion spotting with some locals - we had the most amazing and magical day and night ever, a little hair raising at times but I can remember every second of that experience even now 25 years later.
97. What are some of the different jobs that you have had in your life?
Oh! I've been a medical secretary, worked in Pizza Hut as a 'greeter', an Avon rep, a checkout girl in Threshers and (erm...) a stint as a topless barmaid in my youth!
98. Any new and exciting things that you would like to share?
Well yes, today is my tenth Dooyoo anniversary! Other than that, no.
99. What is most important in life?
My family are THE most important things in my life, absolutely and without question. As long as they're healthy and happy I feel my life is complete.
100. What Inspires You?
Many things inspire me, but mainly when I read or hear of people who have overcome real adversity to get on in life. It makes me not only be thankful for the good life I lead, but also inspires me to be a better person - there but for the grace of god and all that
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Greetings friends, Imagine me now, in a comfortable if careworn rattan chair, an afghan* draped over my legs. There's a steaming porcelain cup (not mug) of chamomile tea at my elbow. I am wearing a knit cardigan. I am, for all intents and purposes, Jessica Fletcher**. So, in her caring yet authoritative tone, I'd like to ... introduce today's topic: something the kidz call "Dooyoo addiction".
Now, I'm sure addiction seems a hyperbolic term. After all, we can't put Dooyoo up our noses, at least not without some difficulty and probably not much pleasure. However, as Carl Jung said, "Every form of addiction is bad, no matter whether the narcotic be alcohol or morphine or idealism." ***
I am not easily addicted to things. I have only smoked one cigarette in my life, and afterwards, I invoked the buzzword of my generation to describe it: "meh". I am like a feral sheep: I sample things, I move on****. Thus my experience with DyA had a slow beginning. When I first signed up, I posted a few reviews, then promptly forgot about the site for a month. Obviously I persevered, and somewhere down the line, I got hooked. Probably when I discovered Level 1, to be honest.
3 Nigerian brides, 7 long lost uncles, 1 locked review (for saying, jokingly, that something was a "rip-off"), 1 email inquiring why I was rating so much, 1 relationship based on slime mold admiration, several long late-night conversations (including disparaging geology, various spellings of 'definitely', hentai, and bionic big toes), several friendships, 5 referrals and 100 reviews later, I am only now beginning to realise the agonising depths of my reliance on this site for both money and entertainment. Yes, entertainment - as soon as there is a particularly gruesome review, whether it be on the subject of Anusol/vaginal deodorant/crabs cream or the latest mobile (preferably in the most botched Romanian to English translation Google can provide) it is pasted around to others who, sadly, I have dragged down to my nefarious level. Though, I am also one of the hoards of gagging housewives, curious cretins and confused interior decorators who have now reviewed 50 Shades of Grey. On that day, my fall was complete.
To understand the pathology of what clinicians now call "the reviewer virus", one must first understand the symptoms.
Symptoms of the reviewer virus:
* The patient can't look at an object without immediately trying to describe it (preferably in 2,000 words or more);
* The patient shows distress when certain categories are not open for suggestion (never has a keyboard been beaten with such fury the day books and films weren't up for suggestion);
* The patient considers buying something just to review it (a form of megalomania);
* Conversely, but not exclusively, the patient cannot buy something without reading a review (hopefully of cotton ear buds).
* Strain injuries in the wrists and fingers (especially RSI from hitting VU);
* Bad posture from incorrect sitting positions;
* Poor eyesight from computing at low level light conditions, often late at night;
* Stress from Tuesdays often leads to the patient turning into a blueberry.
* House is often a mess as the patient tries in vain to find what they call a "level 1" item lurking in a cupboard or wardrobe;
* Patient has alienated friends, family and acquaintances by aggressively referring them to Dooyoo and insisting they write a review;
* Patient often cries out "I can review this!" several times a day;
* Patient often talks about things they write in reviews outside of the Internet ("What a nice Yankee candle." "Thanks - let me write the URL of my review down for you.")
* Patient now has no opinion about politics and religion, and is reluctant to mention people by name in any written media. This aspect of the disease is especially difficult for students, who often fill the void of self-righteousness by spiraling deeper into DY addiction. You can identify these tortured souls easily, as they are fond of starting every review with "As a student, I don't have very much money...".
* If patient is a student, cannot write an essay or editorial without posting an edited version on Dooyoo; sometimes this causes problems with "plagiarism" if the teacher checks their work online.
* If patient is at work, productivity will be low as the patient repeatedly switches tabs to read and rate at work. Mind is also on products they can review at work, such as pens, note paper, staplers, etc.
If you feel you or anyone else you know suffers from this affliction, don't hesitate to book an appointment with your GP or call this number: 01254 453873***** for free, confidential advice. Please print off this review and share it at hospitals, schools or simply push it through letter boxes as needed.
If necessary a man will come by with a van and forcibly take your computer away, though this does not necessarily alleviate the mental anguish that comes with reading and writing reviews on a daily basis. Please, think of your families and friends. Just say no.
If you are from the Daily Mail and want to write an article on me, please give me lots of money first. ©
* A shawl, not a citizen of Afghanistan; they've been through enough.
** In one of those episodes where she sits around talking about other murders that she didn't participate in a.k.a. the dullest episodes in the series.
*** Couldn't choose between this quote to Paul Coelho's, "MySpace is an addiction." Wise words, circa 2005.
**** Hopefully that is where my likeness to sheep both begins and ends.
***** No pervs - yes, by that I mean you!******
****** Not actually my number, no, I don't trust you. It's a disconnected one.
Are you happy now? I've bared my soul and all its wounds for 1p a read.
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Psychologist from Dooyoo Towers: So, are you a Dooyoo Addict? Sock Puppet: I'm very glad you asked this question, I wondered if I was an addict as soon as I typed in my username on that day in April 2007. I asked myself, do I really need to do this - do I need this pending addiction, do I really need to plop words, sentences ... into a review format for a load of strangers to read and then rate? Most of them can't read, they only rate to give the impression they can read and that satisfies them for thirty seconds and then they click onto another review. I am going to stick my neck out and say if you've clicked a rate button over a hundred times within the first three months of being a member, you're an addict. I am one; I'm an addict, addicted to clicking rate buttons, addicted to leaving comments. I log-in now half expecting to be sent to a little white room with other Dooyooers sucking on Mint Imperials clicking on their mouse in unison; wearing pensive frowns, wondering if the review they're pretending to read warrants a 'helpful' rate or a 'very helpful' rate - decisions, decisions. To nominate, or not to nominate - decisions, decisions.
Psychologist from Dooyoo Towers: We at Dooyoo Towers call Dooyoo addicts 'Dooyoo-ers' - we believe this is a healthy addiction unlike smoking, drinking and eating fast food. If anything Dooyoo should be prescribed on the NHS, what are your thoughts?
Sock Puppet: I'm starting to wonder if you are a Psychologist at all, and not just some Head-Quarter pen-pusher pretending to be one. I've haven't seen your qualifications - nevertheless, fear you've got several crowns to prove your expertise in the subject of Psychology. In fact I don't even know if Dooyoo HQ employs real people with real credentials, I can only guess they do because I can see the Dooyoo member profile has images of 'actual' beings. One of them looks mildly intellectual but then again, facial hair isn't a sign of intellect - but a sign that their office could be on the cold side - if this is the case, perhaps a cardigan is a more sensible bit of attire than a T shirt. An avatar says a lot about the member profile - The white background implies all of the Dooyoo staff is in a little white room; according to their profile data - they've been in this little white room for fourteen years. During this time, I can only guess they're already delusional - so being a Dooyoo addict is a comparably sane state of mind. To make a blatantly obvious fact: I'm not a sock-puppet! Sock-puppets generally are incapable of communicating via t'internet, usually they're too inebriated to move let alone write reviews. As for advocating Dooyoo addiction rather than smoking, drinking and fast food I'm going to put a spanner into the works by stating, members have another hand free to aid their other vices - if you're a Dooyoo addict, the chances are you're likely to have other vices. My left hand usually has a coffee mug attached to it; this enables me to be without caffeine. My main addiction, along with alcohol and a buttery craving for fingered shortbread. Therefore, I feel Dooyoo is installing addictive behaviour not solving it. Gambling and drink aware campaigns are kind of edited into Sports advertising - there is a need for it on sites such as Dooyoo - may I call it 'Rate Aware 'slogans such as: please rate sensibly... don't rate and drive... responsible rating... if your baby is crying and you are in the middle of reading / writing a review may I suggest you remove yourself from the workstation and see to your child / partner / feed your starving domestic pet. A new patch could be manufactured for Dooyoo Addicts whereby the patch is stuck onto your arm to give the impression you've read and rated more reviews that day than you actually have. It'll work in synergy with a Nicotine patch. On the term 'dooyooers' - well, this is a made up word. Notably strange considering that any nonsense is frowned upon by the Guides, HQ and members alike. 'Dooyoo members' would suffice - if I systematically wrote: 'I-ers' whenever I refer to myself some green badge cat avatar would jump on my thunder and make the comment; 'Not Helpful - I-ers is not a proper word and it distracted me from the sock-puppet review'.
Psychologist from Dooyoo Towers: Interesting, I'm sure - we at Dooyoo HQ do are best to treat Dooyoo addictions by offering T shirts, pathetic hampers, and many £1 monthly incentives. No normal person would really want these prizes, hence, why we call them 'Dooyooers' (as in Doo Yoo really want these er, prizes) - The subject levels go up and down in coinage as you know and even we at Dooyoo HQ are surprised at the number of 'diving equipment' reviews that have been submitted by members who live a hundred of miles away from the coast. And the number of travel reviews from hermits who're agoraphobic. And the number of restaurant reviews from the poverty stricken. We are so concerned with these people they employed me; 'a Psychologist' to see what makes these types tick. What brought you to DooYoo?
Sock Puppet: While on Google I typed in: Doo you have pawns? I was looking for two missing chess pieces. I became a member due to a misspelling - I clicked onto the URL expecting to see some chess piece data - and instead got 'home gadgets'. I signed up and was bitterly disappointed. The only item chess-like was a crown on the King chess piece.
Psychologist from Dooyoo Towers: Ah yes, an easy mistake to make - having been a Dooyooer (sorry, a Dooyoo member) since 2007 and accumulated only 47 crowns in six years! - you are not exactly submitting reviews for the crowning glory (excuse the pun) and as you've written 140 Dooyoo Lounge pieces your not exactly doing it for the coinage either. You really are an odd-ball - Have you ever sought after psychotherapy offline?
Sock Puppet: Er, I think I know where you're heading with this line of thought - plodding towards whether I had a loving childhood or not. Trying to pigeonhole me as a crackpot or as the ultimate failed Dooyoo-er (now you've got me at it) - label me as the ultimate Dooyoo addict, who aimlessly submits tripe just for the hype. Who never gets an award, and is always ignored. Yeah, that's right I'm an addict - my name is 1st2thebar and I'm an addict! I'm not ashamed to state this to a Dooyoo Community of cats, dogs, and pixilated grins, those drinking gin, and resembling Erol Flyns - or worse still locked in a white room, uncomfortably joined at the shoulders while wearing a fake grin.
Time for a Tea Break, me thinks.
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