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There But For The Grace of God Go I...Or You...
Member Name: lak11
Date: 12/04/10, updated on 10/07/12 (228 review reads)
Advantages: It's all down to your situation
Disadvantages: Most have regrets after doing this
Abortions of up to twenty- four weeks are legal in the United Kingdom. It take two doctors to agree before an abortion can take place. The criteria is that if there is considered to be a greater risk to the woman's mental or physical health if she carries on with the pregnancy than by terminating it, then this procedure can go ahead. Also, social circumstances are taken into account, so, in reality, just about any woman can find grounds to have an abortion.
Fortunately, so very fortunately, I have never been in the situation of having to consider an abortion. I do not think I am any better than someone who has had an abortion, I simply feel that I am one of the lucky ones. Because of this, although, I hate the idea of terminations, I try my hardest not to be too judgemental regarding this issue.
I am not an expert in this field but have heard that if an abortion is carried out early then this is the safest way. Up to nine weeks the preferred method is termination by taking a pill for early expulsion of the pregnancy.
Up to thirteen weeks it will usually be undertaken surgically. Up to twenty- four weeks requires a medical termination. However, in the western world abortion is quite safe.
I feel that terminations after about 18 weeks are wrong apart from truly exceptional circumstances.
I will say early on that I hate the idea of abortion. I cannot feel it is right BUT strongly believe that it is not for me, or anyone to say that someone else shouldn't terminate their pregnancy. In some, rare cases that I've heard of, I have felt abortion wasn't 'moral' but that is my opinion and I am not in that situation. I would hate abortion to be illegal as it would still go ahead, as it has for many years, illegally and therefore, often dangerous. However, I do think the whole process should be more stringent and require more counselling, thus ensuring it is really what the woman wants. This should happen especially in the cases of young girls. I know that some rush into ending a pregnancy through fear of their secret getting out, without first seeing if there is help and support available. Often they panic and live to regret their action. I think that it is a minuscule amount of females that would have an abortion and then not wonder if they had done the right thing and carry feelings of guilt.
When I was a teenager I knew some girls who had one or two terminations. Their attitudes to this varied greatly but, mostly they would want to get pregnant again quite quickly. I believe they were trying to make up for the 'lost' child.
One girl who fell pregnant as a teenager was a close friend. She thought she was in a good relationship and I feel may have heard, mistakenly, 'wedding bells!'. Her boyfriend had no such plans and turned out to be deceiving her big time. She was in a sorry state. The pregnancy was showing and she was hiding the fact from her parents who were worried but didn't know what the problem was. I tried to be supportive and helped her talk to her parents and see that she could cope and had support. She decided to have a termination and her parents supported her in this. I was very saddened as didn't think this the right course for her but, many years later I realise that, although she never took this decision lightly and has not forgotten that day, for her it may have been the correct choice. Out of respect for her this time has not been brought up so I cannot be sure if she regrets it or not but, I understand that she has a happy life and has gone on to have a family, within a successful marriage.
Another friend aged in her early twenties, some years ago, was engaged and living with her boyfriend. She told me that a few months before she had gone through an abortion. The wedding date was already set for about a year ahead so I couldn't see her problem. She said it just wasn't the right time. My opinion in cases like this is you just get on with it and make it the right time. It isn't the same as being a single young teenager, terrified of letting your parents down and many more things beside. She became pregnant less than a year later.
If I had fallen pregnant as a teenager I would have found the worst thing to be having to tell my mother. She would have been so disappointed. But, saying that, I know she would have stood by me and loved the child. I think I would have had the child. I believe the way I was then I would have hoped for the pregnancy to 'disappear.' If the morning after pill had been available then I might have taken it. If that didn't work I don't think I could have gone through with a termination. It is quite different to have an abortion if you are single and young rather than when being in a stable relationship with the father. With my first three I had taken a few months to 'fall' but then when I thought my child bearing days were over (through choice not age) I couldn't believe that I started to get pregnancy symptoms. I couldn't work this one out! We didn't think we'd been careless. It wasn't a good time as my husband had just become unemployed but it was just one of those things. I went on to have a beautiful daughter, much loved by her family.
Many seem to be of the opinion that you shouldn't abort because there are many couples waiting to adopt. This is easy to say but I wouldn't have been able to give up a child in this way. There are issues surrounding adoption and I don't think this is a fair point to make. Also, many who choose to abort do not want to carry a child around for nine months. They do not want to grow large and be stared at, talked about and gain a 'reputation'. I can understand this. Some are stronger than others.
Of course, opinions differ greatly. Also, one's views often change with age or experience. Although I have always felt abortions to be regrettable, once I had borne my first child distaste grew. Even whilst pregnant my dislike of abortion increased. I felt love for my child as soon as pregnancy had been confirmed. I adored feeling those first kick and really felt like, 'Mother Earth.'
Before conceiving my third child, I happened to view a television programme on abortion. It was in depth and strengthened my belief that abortion is wrong. When I knew I was pregnant, aged thirty, I was told that my risk for carrying a child with birth defects had increased since having my first two when I had been in my early twenties. I decided, against my husband's wishes, that I would not have tests to screen for spina bifida or Down's Syndrome. Not because I'm against the tests but I knew I wouldn't want to decide whether to abort a disabled child. I wouldn't have wanted the dilemma. I don't think I could have aborted but, might have been put under pressure by others. I can understand others who, if faced with the likelihood of bearing a child with severe problems would feel differently. The option to terminate is very difficult but it isn't easy to go through with some things, especially if you have a demanding life already, such as caring for a sick child or relative, ill health or mobility problems yourself. We cannot judge others based on our own situation.
I believe that termination in the case of rape is completely understandable. However, this doesn't mean that I think it right but completely UNDERSTANDABLE.
If you are pregnant or fear you are pregnant, as a mother, I would urge you not to delay in seeking medical advice. I also think in nearly all cases, a girl should tell her parents. Okay, there will probably be great upset but, in most cases, this will die down and the parents will help. You cannot know for sure that your parents will be horrified, if they will want you to terminate or go ahead witt he pregnancy. You must communicate.
Please visit your G.P. or the British Pregnancy Advisory Centre or Marie Stopes clinics. Help is out there and people who truly care. You are not alone.
If I was faced with my sons or daughters telling me they, or their partner, was pregnant, I know I would want them to make an informed choice on the way ahead. I would support them as much as possible. I know I would wish for them to keep the child but still would hope to always remember that it isn't my decision. Although I may feel I am often right, in reality I know this isn't the case.
Summary: I don't like the idea of abortion but it isn't for me to judge others.