Having two mums (Adoption)

Member Name: jacobite

Product:	Adoption
Date:	04/06/02 (111 review reads)
Rating:

Advantages: Security

Disadvantages: Other people

We had really struggled as a family. My daughter was seven when her dad walked out, her brother five with mental and physical disabilities.

Then the man I was to marry came into our lives and things got better, we had a daughter but, when she was six years old, meningitis and septicaemia struck her down and there was no hope. We were all given strong drugs so no family members would catch it. She got better but we were all left depressed from the shock.

As I bought my purchases from one check out in a local supermarket my eldest daughter was serving on another, eyes red. She tearfully called across to tell me she had done a pregnancy test and it was positive. I said, 'oh' and went out to look for a lone star...she had not had a boyfriend for weeks and weeks...she had not been out for weeks and weeks.

I got home and asked my husband if he wanted the good or the bad news (I must have bought something cheap that day and thought it was good), he - typical man - jumped straight up and asked what I had done with the car! I told him my news, he looked around our bombsite of a house, shrugged and said that one more would not make any difference.

Once home from work, we encountered an emotional time from my daughter. She had grown up far too soon after her dad left, he had abused both children sexually, she had to help me with her brother. News of a forthcoming baby horrified her, she just knew she could never cope with a child yet could not kill it.

Once again, it was my husband who, after much discussion and many tears, suggested that we adopt the baby - that way we would all know where we were, the baby would have security. It seemed to be an answer.

I found out the law then my daughter approached social services. The immediate response was, 'no, you can't.' Duh!!! I knew the law. Then we met a social worker who whispered in front of my daughter's swelling tummy, 'but the child would need t
o know you were it's mother.' Another Duh!!!!

In seven months, despite many requests, my daughter never received counselling, or saw anyone in fact, except midwives. She was hammered in all directions from people who knew what we were going to do, except those of the older generation. She would be told how wicked she was, how it was her duty to keep her child. She asked what they would say if, some months after giving birth, she was up on charge for killing her baby because she could not cope...what would be thought of her then?

She knew the choice was always hers, that until she saw and held that baby she could never know and may feel better able to cope, in which case we would help her.

24 painful hours of labour and I stood at the bedside of my big girl while my baby girl was born...little Molly baby. I asked if my emotional, happy, big girl would like to kiss Molly, the response was 'Urg, no! She's got pooh all over her!' I knew then that we were all doing the right thing.

I held Molly up to the window and, at minutes old, told her that she was such a wanted, loved and lucky girl, that she had two mothers and two fathers and how treasured she would be.

Molly's dad wanted her terminated but was pleased when given the news of our decision. He has opted never to see her, it would hurt too much, we respect that. She has photos of him.

From the off, social work opposed our adoption application. A process that should have taken five weeks, being of blood relation, it was almost a year before a social worker knocked our door telling us my ex-husband was wealthy, had a big house and as much right to adopt our little girl...even though he had abused his own.

Until the Court Recorder came out to speak to my eldest daughter, 15 months after Molly's birth, no-one in authority had even questioned her, let alone given counselling. The Recorder was horrified at social work's attitude
and immediately got Molly appointed as a Ward of Court, giving the Recorder's report and decision precidence over social work.

A social worker did not even bother to attend court. We were congratulated by the judge for the way Molly was being raised in full knowledge of her background. The adoption was granted.

Every Mother's Day Molly gives her Birth Mum a special card, she makes them herself these days...she is 8 years old. At school when they made cards this year her teacher was really touched when Molly asked if she could make two and told her why.

If I will not let her do something she says she wants to live with her 'sister' because she bets she would let her...we all laugh.

Married with two young children of her own, my eldest daughter is now beginning to confuse her 2 year old by relating Molly's story, so he will grow up always knowing that she too came out of his mummy's tummy.

Molly has been told by the daughter of a religious neighbour that her sister is a very evil and wicked person for giving her away. But Molly knows she is a very loved and dear child.

She would like to meet her birth father when she is older but she has watched East Enders. She understands that, like Jamie, her father did not feel able to cope with a child and, like Sonia, he would probably want to see her all the time but be unable to cope if he did.

Our experience all along has been that we are a totally well-adjusted, albeit mad, family who love each other dearly and have the ability to sit down and talk and be honest with each other. It is other people who have tried to create the problems but we are strong and united and very, very happy.

If you or anyone you know are faced with such a situation as we were eight years ago and are told you cannot adopt your grandchild, get back to me...sometimes people just do not know what they are talking about.

P.S. It was, seemingly, the
near-loss of one child that created the other...the tablets for prevention of meningitis stopped the contraceptive pill working. Everything has a reason eh?

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