| Product: |
Asteroid Strike |
| Date: |
13/09/02 (179 review reads) |
| Rating: |
 |
Advantages: hmmm
Disadvantages: hmmm again
News Just In: thousands of asteroids went on strike today demanding better pay and working conditions. Their leader, known to us only as 'Big Rock' confirmed that the strike would be lasting as long as it took wages to increase by 10% and more time off for his beleagued meteorites and asteriods.
For millions of years, asteriods have been helping cause life changing changes to planets all over our galaxy. The most famous incident occured around 65 million years ago when they recieved news that the Earth was getting fed up with the dinasours who had not evolved fast enough. 'Big Rock' takes up the story...
'We had an emergency call from Earth, who wanted to have a new start. For one thing the planet thought the dinasours were getting a bit boring, just running around eating each other and besides, the planet felt she had been too soft and wanted to look tough. We planned it for months, deciding where best to hit, what damage to cause before sending in 'Jimmy' for his first mission.'
Unfortunatley, asteroids only ever get one mission, but Jimmy was pleased about beating off all the opposition to get the job, and wiped out the dinasours accordingly, gaining him the coveted 'Smashing!' medal back home. His brother 'Bernie' talks proudly of Jimmy...
'He did a great job. Our family were held in great esteem by all the other asteroids, that is until my stupid sister Pauline was sent to cause a crater on the moon a few years ago and ended up missing by a couple of million miles and wiping out life on planet Darnit in the next solar system.'
While some of the asteroids' missions are to change or remove life on planets, other times it is simply cosmetic. The moon is one such customer...
'I felt that my features were very plain, just very spherical and white. So I call in the asteroids to give me groovy little craters here and there.'
While some thi
nk that the moon has gone a bit too far, Big Rock clearly swells with pride when I mention the many craters and holes over the moon. There has clearly been a lot of success for his team over the past few years.
'We signed a deal with a computing company to produce the hit game, Asteroids. I didn't think we were represented too well, but it was good money. We have also appeared in hit (excuse the pun!!!) films such as Armegeddon and Saving Private Ryan (although their scenes were eventually cut). We feel that all the work and good we do to the galaxy goes unrewarded, thats why we are on strike.'
The Galaxy President Jg_ji$4Y€! however, believes that the asteroids are dangerous and that they need to prove their health and safety standards before receiving a higher wage...
'There was an incident last year when three young asteroids got very drunk and regrettably wiped out life on a planet which was just celebrating an anniversary of perfectness, having created a cure for cancer, the answer to the meaning of life and invented beds which make themselves.'
But Big Rock is not impressed. 'Just becuase we don't have colourful tales like those bastard comets that swan around as if they own the place, and we don't have moons people think we're primitive and base. I am infact a great art lover and can play the piano.'
Whatever the outcome of the strike, it is clear that the earth is safe for the next few years. Donations to the ''Asteroids-Don't Make it Three Strikes and Out!'' charity are welcomed.
Summary:
|
|
