Red Rings to a Bull. (Battle of the Energy Drinks)

Member Name: Muffin_the_Mule

Product:	Battle of the Energy Drinks
Date:	14/09/01 (549 review reads)
Rating:

Advantages: Hyperactivity, Flying, Late night television

Disadvantages: Slugs, Hoam Paige

Not recently, but not so long ago that i've forgotten everything, I somehow found myself at college.
It wasn't the same sort of reality check juncture you get when you wake up after a night out, and have that horrific half second of not knowing where you are, before realising that all you've done is sleep the wrong way up in your bed. It was more the kind when you confidently roll over in bed and smack your head on the wall, or fall tangled in duvet on the floor.
You knew you were in bed, but you were sure you were smack in the centre, not perched. What a waste of mattress. At least it's easier to make the bed in the morning.
Beer drinking equals time saving.

I was sure I was doing well in college, I'd made it through the first six weeks and had neither been expelled nor suspended, so when I say doing well, I mean in the same way that Southampton do well in the football, by not being relegated.
I hadn't been to the dean's office. Or even her orifice.

I was a geek, but not a felicitous geek. I was pseudo geek.
To be fully accepted into the geek fold, you had to be clever or greasy. I wasn't either, but nor was I cool. I was the equivalent of Birmingham on the Manchester to London Express. Don't mind me, just passing.

There are advantages of being a transit stop in the journey of life. So i'm told. Except noone could tell me exactly what they were. I took comfort in not being greasy.
Unceremonious.

All was going quite well.
Then we were told that there were going to be half term assessments, to see how much we'd learnt. I soon discovered that I knew less about my chosen subjects than Boyzone knew about dancing, or Michael Jackson knows about noses. The underlying problem being that i'd only discovered this the week before the exams were due to start.

True to form, I didn't do anything about it until the weekend before the first exam. I'
m not the type to jump to rash solutions. I also thought that if I ignored them, like the Littlest Hobo who's saved the old man from the hole, they'd go away.
Except I didn't have a catchy theme tune. All I had was a bit of panicky feeling of having my stupidity exposed.

I didn't want to be exposed. Nobody wants to be exposed. Barring Max Clifford. He loves to expose himself. Put those away Max.

I began a Revision marathon.

I gave up after an hour because there was football on television.
Life has its priorities, and with the demon of hindsight, I had mine a little bit jumbled.
It wasn't even my team who were playing. I don't think it was football. I think Patrick Moore was in it. Fascinating.

The night before the exam, I decided I really ought to try and read some of my notes. You could tell the notes i'd made at the beginning of term, because they were neat, and they had dates, titles, and bits underlined in red to highlight importance. What sort of importance, I don't know, but they must have meant something. The notes slowly deteriorated to something akin to hole-punched beer mats.

Tiredness from squiggle deciphering had begun to set in, and I needed a bit of a boost.
The shopkeeper only had the Biscuit Boosts, which I didn't like.
I did however buy a can of Redbull.

I paid by offering the services of my accompanying sister, as this beverage was quite pricey. I don't have a sister, but he didn't know that. He still doesn't.
I don't know who she was.

Back home, sadly not a ranch, I've always wanted to say "meanwhile, back at the ranch" but I can't. Back home, I went back to cooking the books. They weren't helping me, so what better to do that roast them?
I got understandably distracted by the can of Redbull recently bribed from the gullible old man.
Red Bull advertises on the front of it&#
39;s shiny 250 ml aluminium container that it comes with Taurine. I thought I was a Taurine for being born in May. Confusion aside,
I searched for Taurine on the internet.
I found the following quirky line:

Taurine is a colorless, crystalline compound which is found in the free form in invertebrates and in the bile of mammals. It promotes the intestinal absorption of lipids (fats) as cholesterol.

Taurine comes from invertibrates. Slugs are invertibrates. Red bull comes with slug bile. Tasty.

Aside the fact that there is more sugar than in a Mary Poppins appreciation society, other ingerdients listed include:

Inositol: required for proper formation of cell membranes. It affects nerve transmission and helps in transporting fats within the body Membranes: Insane.

Pantothenic Acid: essential to the manufacture of fats, and the sex hormones, oestrogen, progesterone and testosterone.
Horny.

Riboflavin: A mysterious substance. All I could find was

http://www-unix.oit.umass.edu/~pianoman/

To quote
"one bitchin' hoam paige"

Eloquent, but I can't see where it would be helpful for quaffing. Riboflavin is listed as a flavouring, perhaps they meant Flava.

I found that, after several of these chemically enhanced potions, I was beginning to lose focus. Not in a directional concentration way, in an eyesight manner. This hindered my note reading, but oddly made my writing seem neater. Disturbing yet true.

After a sleepless night and a few more cans, I floated into the exam room, three feet off the ground, one eye focusing on my knee, the other randomly wandering around the room. Makes for interesting walking.

The English paper was going well, until I found out first hand the particular side effect Red Bull has on me. All those chemicals may well have helped the fats float around my body, and made me hornier
than a rosebush, but they also made my bowel scream

"Release the Hounds!"

Ooh blimey. I needed to go. I had to go right now. I didn't even wait for permission from a teacher. I ran like shitbreak in American Pie. Comedy music playing in my head. Comedy pointing from half the college. Comedy comedy comedy.

I never finished the paper.
Unexpectedly, I didn't get kicked out of college.
Ingeniously I blamed the canteen food.
I re took the exam a week later and passed with flying colours. No brown though.
Nowadays I stick to Pro Plus if I need a kick, but it doesn't taste as nice mixed with Vodka.

Summary: