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The summer is almost here so it is time to dust off the deck chairs, sun loungers and BBQ's. I am writing this to prove a valid point, and I am sure every woman out there will agree with me and even relate to it. As for you BBQ grilling blokes out there please take note, because all women will think like this.
Here I am going to skip over the BBQ process, well the one that happens in my house. The funny thing is my man thinks he is giving me the day off, from all the cooking duties.
When a man volunteers to do the BBQ, the following chains of events are put into motion.
1) The women shops and buys all of the food, in preparation of the BBQ.
2) The woman makes the salad, prepares the vegetables and also makes the dessert.
3) The women prepares the meat for cooking, places it on a tray along with the necessary cooking utensils and sauces, places it by the BBQ. Alongside the so called chef with a beer in his hand.
Here comes the most important bit.
4) The man places the meat on the BBQ grill (his first job of the day).
5) The woman goes back inside to sort out the cutlery and plates.
6) The women goes back outside to tell the man the meat looks great, he then thanks her and asks if she will bring him another beer, while he flips the meat (his second job of the day).
7) The man then takes the meat off the grill and hands it to the women (his third job of the day).
8) The woman then prepares the plates, salad, bread, utensils, napkins, sauces and takes them out to the table.
9) After eating, the woman then clears the table and washes the dishes.
10) Everyone then praises the MAN and THANKS him for his cooking efforts.
11) The man then asks if the woman enjoyed.... HER NIGHT OFF.....and upon seeing her reaction, concludes that there is no pleasing some women...................
This is just a normal occurrence at my place when we entertain, he does three poxy jobs, putting the meat on the BBQ, turning it then handing it to me. This sound crazy but it is totally true.
You do all of the work and he takes the praise for it, then to top it off he thinks he has done you the favor.
Planning to have a barbecue but are totally clueless? No matter. Read on and I'll take you step by step to a barbecue that more than passes muster. And I'll take you beyond just BBQ chicken wings and charred steaks too! Whenever I organize a barbecue, I'm always asked, "What's the occasion?" What is the occasion? Does there need to be one, other than let's eat outdoors? Being cooped up in our office, and in our apartments, is reason enough to move outdoors. You can get the flame going with a matchstick and a fire starter. Next pile a lot of charcoal on and start fanning for your life so that all the coals start burning. But by the end of this, you would have spent an hour getting the fire going and breathed in all the soot, not to mention a cramp in your arms from the fanning. Dump the fire starter Fear not! I have a quick fix method that won't leave you bathe in perspiration. However, if you're caught for arson, don't call me. First get some foil. Foil is a barbecue person's best friend. Take my word for it. The idea is to heat up some coals, so they take over the function of the fire starter. Line your cooker stove with foil around one burner. This is to stop mom from complaining about dirtying her kitchen. Light the stove and place a few chunky coals over the burner and let the coals burn. When the coals are red hot, place them in your barbecue pit. Then stack new unburnt charcoal over these hot coal pieces. That's all there is to it! Simple. Guaranteed fire. If you have a pit that's too large to bring temporarily into the kitchen, you'll need a tray and thick oven mitts to carry the hot coals to your pit. You can also use a pail - but remember, not plastic. Convinced? Then let's get the fire started!
Barbecues are all about playing with fire. It's where modern man gets back to his roots. New fangled gas machines, that light at the click of a pezo-electric switch, simply do not cut the mustard. Arranging the charcoal (lumpwood NOT briquettes) around the firelighters and spraying paraffin liberally about is half the fun. Every man has his own method and his is the best. There are many different models of barbecue from rickety tin numbers with wonky legs that threaten to tip your sausages onto the patio, to cast iron beasts with the build quality of a Panzer IV. All of these are a poor substitute to the build your own method. Here you get to exercise another inbuilt desire; that of constucting things. My father first introduced me to this, years ago. It is simple, cheap, sturdy, portable(ish), fun, and you get a very aesthetically pleasing and functional barbecue. Here is what to do: 1) Lay your hands on about 100-150 good looking bricks. 2) Select a good metal tray for the charcoal to go in. It should be about 2 feet in diameter. We use an old satellite dish. It doesn't have to be pretty as it will be hidden by the bricks. 3) Lay the first circle of bricks and adjust the size so that your tray fits. Remove the tray and build up layers of bricks. No mortar is needed, just make sure you overlap the bricks, as in all good walls. Get to about waist height. 4) Place the tray on the top layer and then add another layer to hold it down. 5) Continue to build up layers in a semi-circle in order to form a wind break. 6) Place pieces of metal between the bricks at different levels in order to support your grill. The finished product is worth the effort, but it only takes about an hour to build anyway. You can even build a table, next to your masterpeice, with paving slabs as a top. As no mortar is used it is very easy to dismantle after the BBQ season. Go on try it.