A Direct Line up your DFS ass! (Best / Worst TV Adverts)

Member Name: thedevilinme

Product:	Best / Worst TV Adverts
Date:	06/05/09 (214 review reads)
Rating:

Advantages: Few

Disadvantages: Many

The purpose of adverts are to create a hole in your life that's not really there and then make you feel guilty you don't have something in that life and so offer you the chance to fill it with their crap. Look around you; do you really need that pine garden furniture you never use? The money you spent on that yoghurt maker to make yourself feel better would keep a kid alive for a month in Africa, all because the advertising people made you feel fat because your a stone heavier after having a baby. And do you really need to buy a new car to feel more middle-class? Pathetic really isn't it.

Adverts are not designed to entertain but to get you to associate a message with a product, usually through your subconscious, few ever looking up to the TV when the ads are on, why the song and monologues are far more important than the visual. The great Marvin Gay song, 'She heard it through the grape vine, is now associated with a gay men putting on jeans in a launderette than the motown classic it is, not quite what the king of soul had in mind.

-Natwest-

With world finance collapsing around us and thousands of bankers being laid off every week the Natwest seem to remain relatively untouched and so seem to have enough money left over to make those incredibly patronising adverts. The idea that they can afford to employ advisors who can sit there all day being nice to customers and actually tell people where the best deal is, even is it's with another bank, and so their opposition, is insulting! It's a blatant lie. They are not going to a have chat about life and then send you off to Lloyds Bank because they offer better saving rates. They are going to try and flog you over-priced NATWEST products by pretending other banks deals will collapse because they have no money and the Natwest does, simple as. Then if you have an Advantage Account they will even come around to your house and meet your kids, pay their school fees and if you're lucky even have sex with you to keep your custom. WE DON'T BELIEVE YOUR AD!!

-Lynx African Range-

How come Lynx can get away with these ads! The idea that if a guy sprays himself with this stuff he will have beautiful women ripping off their clothes to have sex with him can not in anyway be proven. They seem to get around it by having only attractive people in the adverts, which begs the question why they need to pay £3.50p for a can of expensive deodorant? These people are models and so Wilkinson's own brand for 49p would do the job just as well.

-Shelia's Wheels-

If men make sexist advert they are hauled in front of the regulator and the advert shredded. If women make sexist, and in this case annoying commercials that are clearly sexists and a product specifically for women, and so disclusion (is that a word? It should be), of men to this cheapo insurance, they would be hauled over the coals. Would 'Bruces Wheels' be allowed? Yes women are responsible for a small number of fatal and serious accidents and so the advert acknowledges that but surely they cant get away with 'women only' insurance under the current rules. And of course it's a very irritating advert. It's the same with women only gyms. Those are the gyms guys want to join let me tell you!

-T-Mobile-

Of course there's something wonderful in having loads of friends or being part of a crowd that's resonating with what you like, but when there's loads of people dancing at a London station or karaoke on behalf of a cell phone company getting in your way in your lunch hour its all a bit tacky and cringe, 'lemmings' the world coming to mind. Some of those people are extras and dancers, fair enough, but most are you and me (well you) doing it for nothing to get on telly. This type of product is branded around a person's individuality and so the advert, one presumes, is all about connecting all those individuals, which actually means be one of the crowd. Would you want to be friends with people with nice teeth that dance in Waterloo Station? And if you do phone someone and you're not paying monthly tariff on a pay-as-you-go T-Mobile it cost about £8 for a six minute chat, more than it would to call the space station on a call box (and yes you can phone the space station on a call box).

-DFS-

At the time of writing this they hadn't gone bust but I wish they will. Who on earth wants to buy a three-piece-suite for a grand and pay 18 months from now when its knackkerd.Why would the sofa company want to offer that deal to the people who take the deal? Of course if you're a Z-List celebrity and you're sitting on their sofas in the Sunday, 5-45pm slots then your career is well and truly over (or peaked for Grant and Anthea) and paying your mortgage and so fair enough. But wouldn't it be great if there was a Japanese game show type deal here where you could flip up the sofa with the Kemp boys on it and then tar and feather them and the crappy sofas.

-Direct Line-

As I said above, there's nothing more annoying than when 'real people' do those reality TV commercials where they smugly tell you how great the service has been. Can you imagine BT or British Gas sanctioning an ad by their customers? One suspects 90% of them would be less than complimentary. Who are these people that live and breathe Direct Line at home on their broadband and call them up in the middle of the night to check how much it costs to insure a Vauxhall Insignia!! Don't get me going on the Vauxhall Insignia ad! They must sit their every night with the advert schedules in their hands and wait for their sad mugs to come on. Heres an idea, why not make this type of advert monkey accountable for the products failures and flash their phone numbers up at the end.lol.

-Pepsi-

I prefer Pepsi to Coke and appreciate only the top stars in entertainment and sport should be advertising their products. They run huge world-wide businesses. Now I know moneys tight in advertising but when did Duffy become a huge star, riding around on a racer in that supermarket the other day? Her silly almost ridiculing Motown screeching cat like screeching voice is irritating to say the least! I just wanted her annoying face that looks like it has been hit by a tin of beans thrown very hard from ten feet away to get the same again when she crashes her bike into a whole pyramid of beans! She even gets to plug her single on the ad!

-Renault Megane-

Talk about an ugly car. I'm sure it's the one Homer Simpson invented that bankrupted his brother in that episode of the yellow people way back when. When the Renault chief executive saw that backside when the velvet curtain was pulled back he must have shat himself. Renault, like Citroen, have always made awful angular cars and this is the king of them. No wonder the ad agency campaign immediately switched from affordable cool car around town when they saw what the f**k was on the back of it! No number of gorgeous Latin women wiggling their lovely bums could convince and distract anyone to what was a ghastly car and so save it. And what independent young girl around turn do you know that wants a car with a big ass??

Summary: Bad!