The Bad, Mad and The Sad Ads (Best / Worst TV Adverts)

Member Name: Johnny Phoenix

Product:	Best / Worst TV Adverts
Date:	28/05/02 (1628 review reads)
Rating:

Advantages: Something to take the mickey out of

Disadvantages: Sanity, going, Sanity Going, Sanity Gone

UPDATED
*******
When I left school, I went to work for was Direct Line Insurance, who at the time had the adverts with the red phone on wheels and their trademark jingle.

Those that have worked in large companies will know, every year you have to go to the annual conference. This is so that your employers can give you a pat on the back for working for such a marvellous company and show you the advertising that they have planned for the coming year. It’s usually free beer so you go and hope you can get hammered before you get to the new advertising section of the night because you know that whatever you see will shortly be aired and all your friends and family will think of you when it shows on television. Therefore if the advert is particularly bad you might try to distance yourself from it by telling everyone you can about the advert thereby hoping that when they see it they will laugh and say “oh this is the one that you were telling me about”.

******************************************
Halifax Bank – Worst Ads Ever. First Prize
******************************************
If that’s how it works then the phones of everyone who works at the Halifax Bank must have been ringing off the wall following last years conference. I telephoned the Managing Director of the Halifax Bank Mr I M Cheesy - to ask him to explain himself.

JP: So Mr Cheesy, what’s your game then?
IM: I beg your pardon?
JP: Why have you subjected the country to such an embarrassing series of adverts involving singing and dancing bank clerks?
IM: Our research shows the ads to be very popular.
JP: And the research was done…how?
IM: By questionnaires distributed to a cross-section of people divided across multicultural and multi-age groups found within a variety of different levels in the company infrastructure as a whole who had expressed a preference in long term involvement and advancement wi
thin said infrastructure.
JP: So…to translate…. you asked employees, keen for promotion ?
IM: Erm, yes.
JP: And could we speak to some of them.
IM: I’m afraid not, they are very modest and have insisted that their involvement not be given any credit some of them have even changed their names, bless them.
JP: Just one last thing is my bill for £5.95 for the repair of a worn out “mute” button.
IM: click…bzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

****************
Runner up – DFS
****************

Ring Ring…..

DFS: Hello
JP: Hi, I just wanted to congratulate you on the prize for second worst series of ads on television.
DFS: How can you say that - there are so many suites shown it is like an episode of Baywatch.
JP: Well…you see that’s the problem, your image of liking sofas and chairs comes over a bit too strong and to be frank a bit creepy.
DFS: We are not obsessed you know we try to keep our work separate from our home life, “sofa” so good.
JP: Ok STOP that…it’s like the ad where the guy is supposed to be drawing the nude and he just draws the chair, it wasn’t funny just a bit sad and deranged. It doesn't inspire confidence in buying sofas since my only concern is what i might find down the back if i buy one.
DFS: THAT WAS NOT A CHAIR IT WAS A SOFA
JP: Ok calm down…sofa, he just drew the sofa. Settle down now sshhhhhh.
DFS: Oh that’s right keep saying sofa, big boy,…tell me what are you sitting on right now.....

Click…..bzzzzzzzzzz


********************
Third Place – Red Bull
*********************

JP: I just drank four cans of Red Bull and no wings have appeared.
CS: It doesn’t actually give you wings sir, are you mental? It’s just advertising strategy
JP: So it won’t give me wings
CS: No.
JP: Wi
ll it make me stronger or more intelligent?
CS: No
JP: So let me get this straight – a drink advertised through badly drawn cartoons with annoying voices assures me that it is for strength of body and mind and drinking it will give me wings and it actually doesn’t do any of those things.
CS: I’m afraid not.
JP: How did you get that past the strict rules on false advertising.
CS: Well the claims are so outlandish, we didn’t think that anyone would take them literally
JP: Interesting……I just filled a bottle with water, would you like to buy this water?
CS: Err….No, I’m okay thanks
JP: But it’ll give you x-ray vision and enable you to change colour at will.

Click…….Bzzzzzzzzzzz


**************************
Fourth Place – Caniston Cream
**************************

JP Junior: My dad telled me to ring you to ask you about your Ad, cos he said that since you brought it up durin tea-time, you gotta explain it to me.
CC: Ermmmm….ahem…cough…what would you like to know…ahem.
JP Junior: Whassit for? is it like sun cream?…. cos you say somfin about burnin.
CC: ahhhh, not exactly young man, its for….erm…do you know where you came from?
JP Junior: Yeah Rhyl, but we don’t get much sun here.
CC: ah, yes…no…. I mean do you know where babies come from?
JP Junior: Whose babies?
CC: That’s not important….I meant do you know how babies are born..
JP Junior: Oh yeah, course….. I’m five y’know.
CC: ah…very good…well the….equipment that mummy and daddy uses to bring you into the
world sometimes gets itchy and they need to apply cream to the….place…. that is itchy.
JP Junior: Does that mean I’m going to have a bruvver now.
CC: eh?…why?
JP Junior: Well the
stork only comes back when it’s bringin a baby so how else are they gonna gets the cream on it.
CC: hmmmmm…..right…..Is daddy there? is that him laughing in the background?
JP Junior: Yeah why.
CC: Well, since I have tried to explain our product to you, I think you should ask him to explain what chlamydia is and tell him I said touche.
JP Junior: Oh…..Daaaaaaad
CC: chuckle….click….bzzzzzzzzzz

**********
Conclusion
**********
If you work at one of these companies and you are attending a seminar where you can give your input into future advertising campaigns remember the fate of the country may rest in your hands.

We need you to protect us from harmful advertising so if you see some smug advertising executive in the office talking to the Managing Director about an idea involving something ridiculous like a singing mouse being free with every chocolate bar listen to the voices within, bring him down to the carpet and don't stop pummelling until the police arrive, they will probably take a while as they will be out arresting chefs who are kicking over quick snack displays, the advertising is affecting us all and without your help i don't know how long we can hold on........

Summary: