Drowned Youth: Part III (Bodyboarding)

Member Name: Tcraze84

Product:	Bodyboarding
Date:	25/06/01 (314 review reads)
Rating:

Advantages: Obvious, really. Adrenaline rushes galore.

Disadvantages: As a bodyboarder, you'll suck. For a long time.

According to such unimportant events as century-old tradition, British Summer Time is supposedly in full swing. Images of ice creams, crashing waves and ooh, scantily-clad females spring to mind. But despite this, it just doesn't feel like the season of goodwill is here. Hmm. Dammit, there's already another season which people call that isn't there? Well anyway, the best season of the year, beating off strong competition from Spring and thrashing the lifeless charade known as Autumn into submission, is indeed Summer. Oh and before you I go on, I don't know if Summer has a capital letter. I'm assuming it does, but it seems there are some disagreements between spellcheckers and dictionaries. So sue me if I'm wrong, but I'm carrying on with a brash capital ego-tripping "Summer" anyway, ok? Pedants rejoice. Then verbally assault me another time.

But even if Summer isn't here, the chances are I'm down the beach anyway. Summer just brings a lot more people down and makes residents look a whole lot better generally. Which is nice, but the simple fact remains that Summer rocks. So what am I doing writing an opinion; not down the beach? The fact that it's almost midnight will be ignored briefly and consideration will be taken upon the fact that I've just spent ten hours there today. And I'm tired, oh yes. Too tired; even to note the fact that I'm typing "fact" far too frequently. What is there to do at the beach then? I'm talking real beaches here as well. Not charades such as Brighton or Blackpool which aren't really beaches at all in comparison to most in Cornwall. Convenient that I live there really. Oh right; back to the "To Do.." list then. Eat. Drink. Sunbathe. Pull. Jump. Board. Jump. Again. Essentially everything you may ever need in life, then. The list is pretty self-explanatory really. I can't be bothered to explain, but for the jumping bit, read my opinion on i
t. Go now. Or indeed, after you've finished with this incessant waffling.

Board? Yeah. Why not? Doesn't really matter what kind of board. Surf. Body. Wake. Erm, but not ironing boards. They suck, but according to sources, are particularly useful as household appliances, though the "Body" variety appeal to me a great deal more. It's not complicated either. Well, that's a lie, but I'm only beginning and don't want to scare you off yet. You get a board, you go into the sea, you wait. Then you surf. Pedants rejoice once more. Sort of. Ok, bodyboarding isn't surfing - actually quite different once you get down to all the technical parts, but for want of a better word, the verb used when you bodyboard is surfing. Make sense? No, not to me either, but I know what I mean. So there you have it, a simple premise, no? Indeed. But, with emphasis on the "But", is that as much as people try the aforementioned four-point plan, they still usually mess up. And suck at bodyboarding. But for the purposes of this opinion, it doesn't matter. I'm guessing most of you have never even seen a bodyboard, let alone use one. And after years of practice, I still suck at it as well. Why? It's bloody difficult, that's why. Seriously.

Bodyboarding isn't cheap either. Not that it has an admission fee or anything, but the set-up costs are extortionate, to say the least. The board itself will be, ooh, £100 - merely for a middle-to-top range board. Pay more, get better; but no board will make you better at 'boarding itself. Not strictly speaking anyway. Psychologically? Maybe. Look good, feel good, do better. So, what else will you need? Depending on the weather, clothing of some sort. As a child you would've probably gone into the sea naked. Naked, I tell you. But try this as an adult and you're no longer welcomed by society. Not that I've tried. Back to the topic in hand though and the obvious choic
e is a wetsuit. Short, long, good, bad or indeed ugly - these are the babies that will keep you warm(ish) in the sea and protect you from evils such as er... seals. Regular choices are 3mm thick, pay more, get a thicker winter suit - or dry suit, both of which will keep you snug. A lot of experienced residents use boardshorts only, or the aforementioned combined with a rash vest. You might need one of them as well. They look good and keep you from getting more hurt by your trusty suit than the sea itself. What else? Well, with your average costs already at around £150 you may be put off already. Don't be. Or do and just don't bother with bodyboarding - your loss, not mine. Anything further is getting into luxury items though, bar fins. Fins, designed to make you glide effortlessly through the waves, are pretty useful as well. Cheap(ish) at around £40, these will definitely enhance your experiences somewhat. Virtual nonentities such as gloves, headgear, et al can be put to one side by all you beginners as well for now.

The only bare essential is the actual board itself. Buying one isn't easy though - looking in a surf shop for me is like being a kid in a sweetshop. Obvious addition to your potential purchase - leash, wax and boardbag. But the board itself? Difficult to say, but as with everything, sticking to names you can trust is always good. Brands such as Manta, Morey and Rheopaipo currently lead the field, but advice will no doubt be at hand in the shop should you need it. Smaller riders will need a 40" version, whilst the range extends most popularity up to 44" in two-inch increments. A common albeit simple, theory regarding the size of board states that you should be able to grab the opposite side of the board whilst held by your waist, vertically. Can't do that? It's too big for you, shorty. More technical details such as rails, cores and tails needn't bother any beginner yet - but boards with a slick (hard) bottom
are a must for any more serious 'boarder.

There's not a lot else to it. Get changed, get ready and get in the water. Wait for some decent waves and be off with you, dammit. That simple? No, not all. Without putting myself in too much liability here, once you're in, get out deep. Why? Because waves can be taken first before the virtual onshore 'boarders grab 'em. And fail. You also have a lot more time to start paddling and get ready to catch wave itself BEFORE it breaks. Please oh please, do not catch a wave when it is nothing more than whitewater. It makes the sport look bad really. Or, with a simple twist of words, really bad. Catch a wave though and you're looking good already. Hold on tight and, er... I can't really describe what you do next in words. Veer into the wave somewhat if you can, riding beneath the crest of the wave itself. Yeah. Easy. Patience is also particularly useful, you will fail (miserably) for a long time, believe me.

And...that's about it. Catch a wave. Catch another one. That's bodyboarding in gloriously simple terms - hey, it's a simple sport utilising nature itself - though really hard to write an awful lot about. But hey, remember Alien 3 and Die Hard With A Vengeance - there were bad too. The third ones in the series always suck. I'm just continuing a trend, you know.

Don't worry about falling off or making mistakes whilst 'boarding though, I won't laugh at you or steal your waves, honest.

Maybe.

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