Confidence lost..... (Bullying in Schools)

Member Name: Boonoiy

Product:	Bullying in Schools
Date:	01/08/02 (61 review reads)
Rating:

Advantages: None

Disadvantages: The lasting effects of schoolday bullying, The suicide rate as a cause of bullying, Lives are ruined as a cause

OK, a slightly glib title for a very serious issue but one I feel sums up the problem that is faced by a great many of those who were bullied at school.

Bullying is one of those funny things to define, I've recently been reading the Frank Skinner book and have just got past the part about his own experiences with this. He has the strange experience of being both the bullied and then becoming the bully. I can relate to what he says very well, the way he was picked on for being skinny and small and so got beaten up and then the way he becomes, well, call it "the wit" of the bullying fraternity by dishing out cutting remarks to "The fat, the ugly and the spotty" in the school.

In theory it is the weak who are picked out as the victims for the bullies, those with an obvious flaw such as being a little slow (thickos), a little large (fatties) or not quite the norm (anything that the bullies can pick out). In my experience it can, and does, happen to all walks of life and anyone that catches the bully's eye.

My experience.
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It has to be done, painful as it may be to bring back the memories.

Back in primary school I was quite a popular kid, above average intelligence, quite good at sports, never without someone to hang around with at playtime and lunch and an all round happy kid. The thing about school days being the best time of your life really held true for me and I had a great time from the age of 4 to 11.

On to the Middle School (we had a funny system in Whitby - 1st 2nd and 3rd years were spent in a different school before geting to Whitby School for 4th and 5th year and the sixth form) and it all began to go a bit wrong.

Bullying had never been much of an issue for me, being a big lad I was never picked on really by the thug-type of bully as I could hold my own in a fight quite nicely. There comes the problem.

There is a kind of person out there
, call them the Frank Skinners of the world if you like (although he has now publicly apologised for his behaviour - still o excuse really but a stap in the right direction), who take pleasure in pleasing the crowd with their wit and their nastiness towards others and there's a further type of person who is impressed by this behaviour thereby fuelling it.

YOU STINK!

2 words which strike fear into my heart to the very day.

You see, my bullying was not physical, it was a totally psychological thing brought on by a kid slightly younger than me, a lot smaller than me and just that touch more intelligent.

A totally unfounded accusation, repeated at every opportunity to please the big boys. Think about it, you're 11 or 12 years old, just coming into the whole puberty thing and a little suprised about the changes in the body and brain and all of a sudden you're confronted by a change in the smell of your body too! To top that, you can notice no change at all!

As I say, entirely psychological.

It got to the stage, after not too many of these attacks, that I began to believe the hype. I would be incredibly paranoid about the supposed stink coming from my maturing body that I would shy away from contact with friends in case they started to smell me too and go off me - not realising, of course, that by avoiding them I was alienating myself from their company, a part of the bullying ritual that would, no doubt, have pleased the bully immensley. I became obsessive about my personal hygene, showering first thing in the morning for a good half-hour and again at night. I would carry a deoderant in my bag and "top-up" whenever I got the chance, breath was aided by constant gum chewing (for which I was cionstantly shouted at by the teachers) and 3 brushes a day. I must have been the cleanest lad in my year for the whole of my middle school time.

Still the taunts would continue.

There s
eemed no way to solve it. Worrying became a way of life for me and yes, it sticks. I'm not quite so paraniod nowadays but I'm still aware of the smells coming off me and think back to the days when I didn't but did (if you know what I mean).

The end result did not come until I reached the 4th year, I simply could not escape the bully at the time but, by the 4th year, I had a whole new circle of friends to mix with and never really saw the bully much again. If I did run across him it was a simple case of escape and evade - with all the space at the new school there was not a lot of trouble with this.

The worst thing was that there seemed to be no escaope at the time and my cheery, outgoing nature was gone. Total confidence drain throughout 3 years of school.

What can be done about bullying?
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It's part of human nature I think. Pick on other people to feel better about yourself, it won't be stopped overnight and can't generally be stopped by the bullied.

Theories:

1. Stand up for yourself.

Not the easiest thing to do. Bullies are usually popular or feared, standing up to physical abuse is always going to be difficult as the feeling of opression and maybe even the "I deserve it" feeling creeps in. Ask anyone who's been through it and they'll generally tell you that they simply put up with it rather than fighting back. A feeling that you can't win? An impotence that's almost impossible to break? A total destruction of self worth? They're all there. The psychological effects of being bullied are massive and to be able to stand up for yourself is not always easy.

2. Tell a teacher/parent.

Again, the threat of violence is a very piowerful thing. Being warned not to tell under the threat of another beating will not allow even the stronger school kid to tell. It's another psychological bo
undary to break through. When you tell will you be believed? Will the bullies be afraid of the person you tell? He's good at sport, will the teacher turn a blind eye? All the problems with this.

3. Put up with it and it'll go away.

Not going to happen. It worked in my case as I moved on to the next school but the scars are still there. The bullies can get bored and move on to another but what's to stop them just extending their range and having a whole mob of kids to terrify? Nothing!

I suppose it really is up to the parent of the bully and the teachers' policy on bullying to solve the problem. Nothing good ever came from fighting and to fight against the bullies is to become as bad as the bullies themselves. I think that schools nowadays are well aware of the problem and are working on a kind of "zero tolerance" policy towards it. Telling the teachers has become acceptable.

If the bullies can be taught a better way then all the better BUT, as I say, human nature is against it. It wrecks lives and some people even commit suicide as a cause (we've all read the headlines) and it should stop NOW.

Thanks a lot for reading.

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