| Product: |
Christmas TV - every year! |
| Date: |
02/01/08 (138 review reads) |
| Rating: |
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Advantages: Extras and Dr Who!
Disadvantages: Most of it
Apparently ,Human Beings share a third of their DNA with a lettuce, which is just as well if they had to sit though this years seasonal terrestrial TV. Apart from the brilliant seasonal episode of 'Extras' and great family fun with Dr Who it was slim pickings, the BBC winning the ratings numbers with the top three shows, the above and an angry Eastenders or two dominating the numbers. I won't be including C5 in this review as I still can't get the signal after being promised it for 10 years. Why do I think this is exactly what will happen when digital is finally switched off!
December 23rd
With the decorations up, all the presents purchased and around the bottom of the tree, and the relatives on the way, the 23rd of December is when we begin to feel snug around the TV and push work very much at the back of our minds. The BBC kicked it all off with a Top Gear evening and tidied up the excellent 'Royal Family at Work' series. What a woman our queen is and even the most ardent republican has to respect the old gal for her efforts to keep the country on top. It's been a beautifully filmed and surprisingly revealing show-for royalty-and has increased my respect of the Queen. The hilarious and rather sad 'royal watchers', a gaggle of eccentrics and weirdoes who follow the queen everywhere she goes, presumably in the hope the Queen will invite them in for tea one day, were the highlight of the five hour long episodes. They gaggle of bedraggled middle aged losers would even push kids out of the way to make sure they have the best spots to take their pics and wave those little Union Jacks.
The BBC couldn't resist some reality TV dirge early on in the night with a catch up as we see how the winners of the shows 'Maria and 'Joseph' have got on this year. To pass this off as reality TV was scandalous as most of the competitors were anything but amateur, many working in musicals at the time. Please tell me what the point of the exercise was? Andrew Lloyd Webbers face makes me vomit.
Christmas Eve
The Eve of Christmas was pretty lame with the schedule anything but Christmassy, core ratings winner in the excellent 'Ramseys' Kitchen Nightmares USA' and a Ken Dodd biog the only two watachble shows for me. Old 'Doddy' turned out not to be the weirdo we all thought he is behind the scenes and gave as an entertaining look at his 50 years in the biz. Ramsey, of course, is always watchable, here trying to turn around a traditional New Jersey family restaurant, seemingly run by the Sopranos. Yes some of the scenes are staged but my word its great TV, Ramsey a genius in any mans book. He really does turn these places around. The groan of the night was the French & Saunders remake show. Girls, it's so over it hurts.
Repeats are nothing new over the festive period, especially movies. With the BBC cost cutting they are promising even more. How many times have we seen the Porridge and Dads Army films over Christmas! But we always flick them on as they are so wonderfully British and festive, giving you that warm feeling all over. With the kids tucked up snug so not to see Santa, Channel Four had two cracking violent gangster classics back-to-back for dad as Sexy Beast and then Old Boy took them into the wee small hours with a likewise tot or two!
The Big Day
Christmas Day was again 'lite' for those not into angry soaps. Dr Who delivered as expected, its big budget and the loveable Kylie-stealing a kiss from David Tennant-good wholesome family fun. The Beeb couldn't resist flogging their other flagship show one more time with another Strictly Come Dancing Special whilst the tedious Harry Hill was put up against it on ITV. I'm still confused how having a big collar and a bigger autocue card makes you funny. Christmas specials for Dragons Den and Catherine Tate just kept the schedule above the waterline. Bringing back 'To the Manor Born', a hit twenty years ago, was bizarre as it was painful to watch. There's retro cool and then there retro f** ups! Somebody needs to be fired for that call.
Boxing Day
The words My Family Christmas special has many a viewer reaching for the remote and the pills it's that shockingly bad. With suicides at their highest over the holidays it's never a good idea to put this one. They say for all those who have a brain there's someone that doesn't, and that's why My Family is very popular and so gets made. It didn't get much better on BBC2 with Lead Balloon, an ironically titled as you can get Jack Dee vehicle. Ricky Gervais brilliantly parodied The Larry Sanders Show with Extras but Jack Dees attempt to do Curb Your Enthusiasm is not great. With Graham bloody Norton on straight after I hit the spirits early. Camp gays guys and comedians are the first to jump down your throat if you make the slightest homophobic comment yet they make a whole career out of stereotyping themselves to the same straight people who are allowed to laugh at the very same homophobic comments. The fact I have never laughed at a camp comedian, I suppose makes me not homophobic.
Channel Four had a very poor line-up, going with royal documentaries all night, but ironically not doing the alternate Christmas message, Bin Laden otherwise occupied.
Q.I was ok on BBC Two but it was a compendium of the year's shows, not a Christmas special. The thing with this show is its pretty clear that it's rehearsed and more 'Call My Bluff' than an intellectual show. I'm bloody sure the guests are given the answers. If they are then what's the point? If they aren't then they aren't going to be able to get many right meaning dull TV. If I se Phil Jupitus in one more silly hat in 2008 I will refuse to pay the license.
Thursday 27th
Channel Four seemed disinterested with the festivities with nearly all their output being repeats of normal weekly programming. ITV had a rapid repeat of the film The Queen for their big film of the night, I presume so not to contest Gervais on BBC1 as the Christmas 'Extras' delivered pure genius. The reviews for this were split in general and again its women that tend not to like him and get the show. They think he's just some pug faced pig of a man taking the p*ss out of everyone where as men see him as that voice in their heads at work and play. The celebrity cameos were top dollar and unexpected and who didn't laugh at Clive Owen complaining about the standard of prostitute extra on the show. I think Gervais has single handedly saved risky comedy and, like the Simpson's, still manages to crack jokes on race, disability and sexism with out actually offending anyone.Im sure the Brent and Millman characters are Gervais in real life if you put them together and he's not the nicest guy, but you have to keep your comedy real and taboo or the sophisticated audience of today that get far worse in viral emails are not going to laugh.
Friday 28th
Good old 'Dads Army' the movie set the evening rolling with Mainwaring`s wonderfully incompetent Home Guard platoon upsetting the area commands general at every step. The enjoyable History Boys did a quick turnaround from cinema to DVD to normal TV on BBC2, with the option to see 'Meet the Fockers' on BBC1, the big film of the night and happily made me laugh more than the first film. That subtle Jewish humor was allowed to come through this time and DeNiro had finally got the point of his character. It's never good seeing DeNiro do comedy, unless it's his self parody stuff in Analyze bla bla bla...
Omid Djalili continued to agonies over being risqué with Muslim gags or play it straight and wreck his show with that thing they call can-laughter for his final show of a so-so but welcome series. Jonathan Ross's Films of the Year were the predictable ones; carefully not dissing films that will scupper next years star interviews, dutifully slaughtering the low budget film actors and directors that are never invited on to his show. Channel Four scored their first hit of the holidays with the enjoyable League of Gentleman's Apocalypse, the film of the brilliant series, the plot being that the cast escape into the real world through a time twisting portal to confront the writers on the decision to end the sitcom, the reason why they made the film of that very predicament, clever stuff if you think about it.
Saturday the 29th
This is the quietest Saturday night on the town all year yet ITV and C4 failed to capture that big audience. Everyone's back from their tacky Christmas breaks expecting to be entertained. All ITV could come up with was an awful soap quiz for soap fans (would you be proud of that to want to go on TV?) and then this look back at Christmas TV thing with an out of place 6ft 5 Des Lynam and chubby Fern Britton. Both were dire stuff and exactly why Ricky Gervais parodies of celebrity are so biting and effective. Things didn't improve with some cheeky chappie Irish illusionist called Keith Barry (who was pitched as the new David Blain by ITV in the trailers, but the reality looking like some sort of reject from Westlife) doing cheap card tricks and distraction stuff learnt from a Christmas cracker, the whole hour based around a live escape trick with explosives. For a start what show is going to risk broadcasting an Irishman being blown up on live prime-time TV in the current War on Terror climate? Needles to say the shed did blow up and he wasn't in it-unfortunately.
Channel Four were woefully cheap on the night, again resorting to a top 100 films list to write the night off for most. It wasn't listed as a repeat but it surely was, the excuse to reshow the Top 100 movies-the American Film Instuite version-saying it had been 'refreshed' from the last time it was on some ten years ago. But if Morgan Freeman says its ok then it's ok. The BBC didn't bother to put anything up of note, just an awful clip show of newscasters messing up, the men waiting for Match of the Day and sleep.
December 30th
A Year in the Life of JK Rowling was surprisingly intelligent TV for ITV and a solid hour. No one really knows anything about this very rich and sweetly pretty gal and it proved intriguing viewing. For us lot it was motivational to say the least, a single mum with an average university education going from damp flat to super author status with Harry Potter. She really was the girl next door and the spur for all of us to stick with the writing thing if we feel we have the talent, and more importantly for the fiction guys and girls on dooyoo to stick with that 'good idea' you have had for ages for a book. I finished my screenplay last year on the simple ideal that if you don't write it you will never know.
The 'Big Fat quiz of the Year' saw Channel Four return to type with some risqué and alternative comedians answering easy questions, the only requirement to do it with unrehearsed frivolity and japes, seemingly easy for Jimmy Carr. Is it me or is Russell Brand some sort of wind up. I have yet to laugh at anything he has ever said and I presume the ones that have are the ones that have seen his tiny penis- allegedly. Talking of repeats the Extras was rerun on just 48 hours later and was again the best thing on.
New Year Eve
The busiest night of the year on the town should have been the weakest TV line up, which proved the case this time, although it's, had plenty of competition over the last week. The Spice Girls were wheeled out to plug their tour with a girly reveal all on BBC1 at 7pm (not the same as a reveal all if it was on at 11pm girls!), whilst the same side has kicked off the always enjoyable Celebrity Mastermind series, only the brainy and good sports entering. Benjamin Zephaniah, the self styled people's poet, managed to get the same amount of questions right to parry with hic convictions for street robbery and thuggery, the only man in Britain who has been given an MBE whilst having some serious criminal convictions on his rap sheet. He finished last.
War continued to rage in Eastenders and Coronation Street whilst I had the button welded down on C4 for the repeat of Monty Python Night. It doesn't matter how many times you see the Life of Brian it's just brilliant, ITV cheekily continuing the theme with the Meaning of Life on at midnight. Up until that point ITV had never shown a Python film in its history.
After another hour of whining from the compulsory variety show from Graham bloody Norton the Hogmanay (no idea how to spell that) shows across the channels were as woeful as ever, families across the nation lumbered with Jools Holland and his bloody piano and friends with warm and bitter wine as an alternative, leaving a similar taste of disappointment in the mouth. What sort of celebrity does a live gig on New Year Eve? The answer, of course, is Madness and Knick Knowles. A quick flick back to C4 and you could have seen the New Year in with me with the brilliant 'Planes, Trains and Automobiles, wildly believed to be Steve Martins last funny film.
New Years Day
Comedians Dara O'Brian and forgotten man Rory McGrath joined Griff Rhys Jones on his swanky boat, the three attempting the scary celebrity feat of sailing from Dover to Portsmouth, occasionally being a whole mile from the shore! Dara decided this wouldn't be too risky and so wore a nice silk jacket under his life preserver, and sea sickness coming from excessive boozing on your license fee. Just before this was aired Jeremy Clarkson and the Top Gear team were becoming the first people to drive to the North Pole. What comedians will do to stay on TV! But this was TV heaven compared to the woeful Fantastic Four movie on Channel Four.'The Thing' looked like it was as extra from the Fantastic Four theme park in the cheapest imaginable costume whilst the acting was down there with an afternoon soap on Living TV.
The seasonal telly was completed as it started with a festive edition of C4s 'Friday Night Project', which could be a great show if it had a twist of irony, but is ruined by Yeti Justin Lee-Collins and the insufferable C4 'camp gay' in Alan Carr (son of ex Northampton Town manager in the great Graham Carr no less). I now know what my new year's resolution would be. No more camp double-entendre on British TV at Christmas!!!
Summary: Cheap TV...
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