Celebrity Top Trumps! (Combining Celebrity's Names)

Member Name: thedevilinme

Product:	Combining Celebrity's Names
Date:	10/07/08 (314 review reads)
Rating:

Advantages: Movies

Disadvantages: Tedious people and bad breath

Ok, as no one else has really had a crack at this I thought I would try. I only know about four or five of these things from my last girlfriend's obsession with those celebrity mags so I had to make up the rest. I'm hoping enough of you guys read and rate this so maybe the showbiz press will adopt at least one. There's some from England and some from over the pond...some just over the hill...

~1~ "Wayleen" ~ ~

Couple: Wayne Rooney and Colleen McLoughlin
Earning capacity: 3 million per year
Nicknames: Shrek and Princess Fiona
Plusses: One European Cup!
Bad Habits: Too working class

Britain's most talented footballer (heavily disputed by me) would earn twice that money is he was good looking, simple as. But he's not and the fact he's very working class and Scouse (and more than hint of Irish Traveler about him) means the tabloids are enjoying slaughtering them, especially the snooty female middle-class columnists in the likes of the Express and Mail.
A couple of years ago Colleens half-sister appeared at a soiree looking alarmingly like her Colleen, the hair and everything, but without the looks, which, although was very funny, the photo publication was also rather cruel in a snobby sort of way. The recent five million wedding really irritated the supercilious press and no expense was spared to catch glimpses of them on camera and film doing working class things...like smoking a fag or having the rollers in.

Without the money they are as normal couple as you can get in England and the type that fill every working mans club in Britain on Saturday night. I think it's rather cute that Wayne married his childhood sweetheart and he's isn't deserving of this stick, especially as he doesn't behave like normally premiership players. The next big story with 'Wayleen' is what will they call their first kid? Wayne? Waynetta? Doh! Alison Pearson has got me going at it now!!

~2~'Bradgelina' ~ ~

Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie
Earning Capacity: 10 million per film
Nickname: 'Thickpak' and 'The Jolie Roger"
Plusses: Both have great natural pecks!
Bad Habits: Death fetish

It really should be Brandgelina as they are what I would describe as a showbiz bad breath couple, only together to maintain their A-List status, especially Jolie. She made her name for picking up a bizarre and extremely undeserved Oscar for playing a looney in Girl Interrupted and has had little acclaimed film success since. Jolie is known to be a bit whacky and she and ex husband Billy Bob Thornton, apparently, bought each other coffins for their birthdays. Both have pendants with each others blood in it and the lost of ghoulish gifts is long. Angie is also known to be a bit naughty in the sack and used to meet strangers for sex in motels, including chicks! She has owned up to that to the top celebrity trade mags but has announced recently that her lesbian days are over, sexuality she recently expressed in her rotten movies.

Another strong feminist stance is being too masculine to have kids by your man, Jolie about to drop twins bucking the trend. Her previous kids have been an ethnic pick n mix adoption scenario as she tries to avoid child bearing hips, but cynically increasing her and Brads world appeal. Brad, on the other hand, is too prefect to be sexy, hi and the six-pack first appearances in the film 'Thelma & Louise', cast as feminist totty. But with those twins on the way it may be time to jump ship as they continue to argue over prime positions on photo shoots.

~3~ 'Rudy' ~ ~

Couple: Richard & Judy'
Earnings: 1 million each a year
Nickname: Punch & Judy (due to their 'alleged' drinking habits)
Plusses: There is still hope for women who want toyboys
Bad Habits: Richard being a complete pratt ...

The showbiz odd-couple are just not convincing as lovers and if Richard Madely is straight then I'm Kingsley Amis having a busman's holiday on dooyoo! The worse case scenario is Judy is really his mother and it's all an elaborate ruse. What ever it is it's something very odd and rumor has it that their home-lives are even more opaque now. But if they suggest a book to read in their Christmas book club then it goes straight to the top of the best selling list. That says quite a lot about us don't you think.

~4~'Denny' ~ ~

Couple: Lenny Henry and Dawn French
Earnings: Decreasing faster than the sweet trolley at their hotel.
Nickname: French & Fries
Plusses: Comedies nice guys!
Bad Habits: Fast food


Len and Dawn are modern Britain in action, black and white living in Harmony. Most black male celebrities and sports stars seem insecure about themselves and tend to date and eventually marry white girls as if that means they will somehow be accepted more in Britain. We can see this with young Lewis Hamilton, already picked on by the press for mixing with the black showbiz glitterati and Mr. Mandela and supposedly not looking at the road and taking life's corners a little too fast. Where as with Lenny you always felt he got it. If you want to make it in Britain as a black entertainer in the seventies and eighties you had to effectively be a shoeshine guy to the media and public in general. Once you have made it then you can do what you really wanted to do on stage, Lenny's latest stage shows being very edgy and aimed at the black community audience he had to neglect a bit to make it in the biz. I like Lenny and Dawn for that reason amongst many.

~5~ 'Pattie' ~ ~

Couple: Peter Andre and Katie' Jordan' Price
Earnings: 2 million a year
Nickname: A pair of tits
Plusses: Nice to know you're not the dumbest out there
Bad points: Plastic pecks!

Peter Andre is not the brightest torch in the Duracell factory but seemed a decent guy on 'I'm A Celebrity'. He and Jordan seemed a match made in heaven and although the show is about contrived romances they do seem to click. I kind of like that. I mean they are not pretentious in an irritating way and they don't impede with our lives in any way with their opinions and lifestyle. They remind me of cheap plastic statue of the Madonna in a Catholic church. If they are going to be in the general public then why not together where they can cause less harm to the ozone with all that pink? But boy they must have one big mirror over the bed : - )

~6~ 'Jay-B' ~ ~

Couple: Beyonece Knowles & Jay Z
Earnings: 10 million a year
Nickname: 'Jay-z-be'
Plusses: King and queen of bling
Bad habits: Playing white middle class festivals

America's surprisingly un-coolest rapper is apparently stepping out with Beyonce, although he gave the same engagement ring to his last dolly that clung to his jewel encrusted sleeve. The relationship may indeed just be just show and all part of the rap industry image that likes to shift a lot of CD`s as fast as possible before their best acts are gunned down. Somehow I just cant see Jay-Z getting anywhere near real firearms.
Beyonce speaks for herself in image and music but wasn't it a surprise to see Jay-Z do Glastonbury? I thought the guy was a gun tooting, gay bashing cliché. But not so, a surprisingly articulate and rounded guy feeling very comfortable on Jonathon Ross's sofa last month. He apparently grew up on the streets of Hells Kitchen in New York and really was the from the means streets that not many of the rappers actually are that betray that image. But he certainly won't be marrying Miss Knowles if he keeps wearing Mr Magoos glasses.


~7~ 'Bennifer'~ ~

Ben Affleck and...
Earnings: 5 million a movie
Nicknames: Ben & Andover
Plusses: He knows Matt Damon
Bad habits: Acts like a park bench in winter

This is probably the most used and certainly the most ambiguous nickname name used in Tinselton this decade. We have Brad Pitt and Jennifer Aniston, Ben Affleck and Jennifer Garner. Or mix them up and we have Ben and Jennifer Aniston and Jennifer Lopez and Ben Affleck. Not only is that is a long list of very bad and pouting actors it's a lot of sad and contrived love lives looking for halogen flash too boost their careers and grosses..

~ 8 ~ 'Bustin' ~ ~

Couple: Britney & Justin Timberlake
Earnings: Tumbling
Nicknames: Dumb and dumber
Plusses: Made their mark
Bad habits: Trailer Park Trash..

I know Britney has split up and married her imaginary friend and Timberlake is elsewhere, but you have to say the whole thing felt forced from day one. It's hard for a teen popster to try and make grown up records and only Kylie has really gone onto achieve that. But America loves fairytales and this was one of them, both kids prepped to be famous from a very young age in the famous Disney Club, where they first met at 7 years old. Britney is terrible and rather predictable tale of pop eating itself and once you have a relationship with the lens it's hard to let go. Britney nearly became another huge name to top her self at 28 years of age, the optimum Hollywood suicide age (Kobain, Monroe, Ledger...) when fame begins to dwindle after you have played every desperate card to stay on top, but is still battling in the madness of fame. If ever a woman needs a good country song and Marlboro man then she's the one.

~ 9 ~ Carrison ~ ~

Couple: Harrison Ford & Clarista Flockhart
Earnings: 15 million a movie
Nickname: Ford Escort
Plusses: Raiders 4
Bad habits: Younger women to feed the ego

What you don't see in Hollywood is old hags with young bucks (your nearly there Demi!), but you do see a lot of much older men enjoying much younger starlets, both male and female knowing exactly what the relationship is based on. Catherine Zeta Jones hitched on to Michael Douglas when both careers were going down the pan as did Miss Flockhart to Han Solo. Just as younger women are prepared to hoar themselves to older men with money the men are just as comfortable being with women who they know are there only because of his status. I can't get my head around that level of vanity. You marry someone you love for them not their wallet.

~ 10 ~ Cashely ~ ~

Couple: Ashley Cole & Cheryl Tweedy
Earnings: 2 million a season
Nickname: Cashley Cole & Cheryl Seedy
Plusses: Breaks up are great publicity for failing pop stars
Bad habits: Racist outbursts

We have to have a 'WAG' on the list and as I couldn't make up a decent name for them it has to be these two posers. The Girls Aloud singer was, of course, not only famous for being a contrive popster but a bit of a bigot, berating one of those black guys you get in pub toilets these days that want tips for stuff. To me she started dating black guys just to mend that bad publicity and found they are just like white guys so what was all the racism about - whilst Cole was just happy to get some decent crumpet. Most black premiership footballers seem to accessorize themselves with these bimbos and enjoy the limelight they bring and vice versa. Your average footballer is not the brightest so it's rather appropriate they choose likewise from the pop world to round of this review..


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Summary: Get out of my shot!