Watch Out For The Wee Men In The Garden! (Conspiracy Theories)

Member Name: kenjohn

Product:	Conspiracy Theories
Date:	04/11/03 (132 review reads)
Rating:

Advantages: All a load of codswallop!

Disadvantages: Some people actually believe in some of this tripe!

“What are you so busy writing an opinion about this morning, sweetheart?”

“Don’t bother me now! I have to get this written and posted before I go out to work in the taxi.”

“Yeah, yeah. I know. You’re always tapping away on that bloody keyboard. But what’s so urgent? Can’t you can finish it off when you get home this evening?”

“Well, maybe. But you never know. This might be the day they get me!”

“What do you mean, get you?”

“Well. If they get me today then at least I’ll have it down on paper. Dooyoo, I mean. And the cops will be able to read it, and get THEM!”

“What the hell are you on about now? I think that damn dooyoo has finally cracked you up completely”

“Nah, nah. You don’t understand at all. It’s not dooyoo. It’s THEM!”

“What them? What in heaven’s name are you on about?”

“The military/industrial/government complex. Don’t you know ANYTHING? I’ve been monitoring my non-member reads here at dooyoo very closely for the past few months. I’ve got thousands more non-member reads than I’ve got from members. And you never know, maybe a few of THEM have actually joined dooyoo as well, posing as real members. Undercover operatives and all that!”


“Undercover what?”

“Katie at dooyoo warned me about this you know! She reckons that they’ve got their spies everywhere, even here at dooyoo, and are reading all the member’s ops, and getting ready to bump off anyone who rocks the boat.
It seems I’ve written one too many opinions slating products that THEY have a controlling interest in, and they’re not prepared to put up with it any longer.”

“That’s just pure mad. dooyoo's only a piddling wee website. Nobo
dy is really interested in what you’re writing there, you know!”

“Aha. Shows how much you know. What about the white Fiat Punto’s then?”

“What in God’s name have white Fiat Punto’s got to do with anything?”

“They follow me everywhere in my taxi! You’ve heard about the black helicopters in the USA, haven’t you? Well, they’ve got cute now. They know that everyone is looking out for the black copters, so now they’ve started using white Fiat Punto’s instead. It helps with their budgets as well. They don’t cost nearly as much as a helicopter.”

“OK. OK. So who exactly are THEY that you have got so delusional about?”

“Delusional is it? Well, they got Princess Diana, didn’t they? And President Kennedy. And if they can get them, then they can get anyone!”

“What are you ON about?”

“THEM. Don’t you know anything at all? It’s in all the newspapers if you care to read between the lines. Terry Wogan is their head man here in Ireland, and the Irish Government is really only a front for henchmen of Saddam Hussein and Osama Bin Laden. They’re the ones who are causing all this.”

“You’re totally mad you, so you are. All that damned opinionating has finally cracked you up. You want to see a psychiatrist.”

“Psychiatrist, is it? If you’re so smart then how do you explain the wee men in the garden?”

“Wee men in the garden?”

“Oh, come on. Don’t pretend you haven’t seen them too. They’re there every damn night. Behind that big bush beside the workshop is their favourite hideout.
I reckon they’re midgets in the employ of the SAS, specially trained to go for weeks without going to the toilet. You’ll know all about it if they finally get
the order to strike, let me tell you. Viscous little bast*ards, so they are! It was them who did for Elvis, you know. Poisoned his burgers!!”

“I’m phoning the doctor right now.”

“Leave it. Don’t touch the phone, whatever you do! It’s probably got a irradiating device in the earpiece, to alter your brain cells, and make you more amenable to all the subconscious messages they put in the TV adverts.”

“WHAT???”

“The Colombian cartels are responsible for that little lot. They’ve secretly sent dozens of men to the moon, and have a secret base up there, where they intercept all the TV signals, and insert secret messages in the adverts. They’re trying to get us all hooked on cocaine!”

“I think it’s you who’s hooked on cocaine, so I do! Cop on to yourself. What possible interest would anyone have in a wee mad cabbie from Dublin?”

“It’s ‘cos I gave Sinn Fein a preference vote at the last election. Since they started that electronic voting malarkey, they monitor all the votes, and if you vote Sinn Fein, then that’s it, you’re marked for life!”

“So do you want a cup of coffee then, or what?”

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Excuse the madness folks.
An article I read recently concerning the death/murder of the late Princess Diana, that has recently hit the headlines again with publication of the book from her ex-butler, Paul Burrell, inspired this bit of tomfoolery.
It got me thinking about all the lunatic conspiracy theories that do the rounds on the Internet, and the absolute garbage that some people are prepared to swallow.
I couldn’t resist this little spoof.

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Copyright KenJ

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