How to lose your entire Circle of Friends in one easy move... (Creative Writing)

Member Name: chris105

Product:	Creative Writing
Date:	08/08/01 (159 review reads)
Rating:

Advantages: oh no, not today...

Disadvantages: give these to Jill, she's the expert...

Let's write a book.

Or, rather, let ME write a book.

So then I can have it snapped up by international publishers, following a veritable war between them for the rights to publish my book, netting me untold millions, as my manuscript is artfully transformed into a slick tome ruling it over the foremost shelves in the various Waterstones of this world.

So then I can retire to the French countryside, using one of the mountains of city-guy/gal-transplanted-to-the-European-countrys ide-who-falls-in-love-with-rural -life books as my guidebook, and grow mushrooms and ripe juicy oranges with a roughly textured peel and a bitter-sweet taste that lingers on the palate (!!), all the while stripping the slightly mouldy paint and lovingly restoring the barnhouse to its former splendour suffused with the warm rays of sunlight (!! again).

So then I can write soppy food and interior decoration descriptions (such as the above sample, which I hope was to your liking, my dear readers) and have them packaged in a book, garnished with the odd "funny" incident where moi (the sophisticated city guy) has an encounter with the gruff locals, straw hat in place and dutiful milk-providing cow in tow, with nothing but a grasp of Fonzy-ese (of Happy Days fame) idioms to communicate with.

So then I can have this book published as the "ideal sequel to the bestselling revelation of 2001", sparking yet another rights war between publishers, with eventual publication of said second book fortuitously coinciding with the trade paperback release of my first bestseller, resulting in the joyous clinking of cash-registers all over Europe - and beyond.

So then my earlier oeuvre can be translated into twenty-three languages, including Mandarin and Quebecois (not French, please) of course, and my world book-signing tour may commence.

So then I can take up temporary residence in the most exclusive five-star hotels in Europe a
nd the States, while attending all the glitzy book presentations and society events, and being attended to by a personal secretary, feverish editor and ghost-writer for the drafting of my memoirs.

So then I can take on a cameo role in the sequel to "Bridget Jones's Diary II - The Revenge of the Singleton", playing the part alas regrettably vacated (due to force majeur) by Lord Archer.

So then I can ... dream on, fool that I am!


Ok, this isn't going to happen, let's face it - to date the sum of my cachet for my literary achievements has been the adding up of my dooyoo miles, which, while very much appreciated (keep on clicking, there!!), will not exactly put me in the proud possession of a French country-home.

Why, then, do budding writers (to which category I do not belong, I could at best be euphemistically termed a Saturday Cabot Cove Gazette births-and-obituaries-chronicler) bother with "creative writing"?

Surely they're not still trying to finish that darned essay given in Form IV by English teacher Malu Murphy, without having realised that their student days are over? Or are they attempting to emulate alkaliguru's classic (and revered in the upper echelons of academia) analysis of the finer points of the effect of stardust on hypsilophodonts in the Jurassic and Cretaceous periods? Or are they giving in their writing a blow-by-blow account of the Dublinese meanderings of "mad cabbie" Kenjohn, swerving frantically between Chinese restaurants and irate passengers intent on relating to him their life story, warts and all? Or are these budding writers emulating leahslad's selfless exploits in the furtherance of the dooyoo review community, writing paragraphs while surfacing for air between performances? Or have they been rightfully impressed by emil's travails of India and are thus attempting a discourse on the transportation system of the leftmost-but-one Can
ary Island? Or are they penning a "family" version of Sexy Kay's X-rated opinion on the dubious benefits of curry-infused camomile? Or, last but not least, have they been recreating the bestselling guide called "How to Commit the Perfect Murder and Escape Untouched by the Law Thanks to Little-Known Prescription Periods and Procedural Defects" written by none other than Trevor15?

I don't think so. They probably write for the sheer kick of putting pen to paper (or fingers to keyboard) and letting loose their creativity. This isn't the case of this reviewer (at present, at least...) who is currently in an ever-so-slightly-intoxicated persona, writing as he is assisted by yet another glass of the most delicious Merlot. Isn't that what we're all up to, at the end of the day? [writing to let loose our creativity, I mean, not the Merlot thing.... oh, I'd better shut up NOW]

Summary: