Old Smoothie Pants at his peak, its damn true!!! (Dean Malenko)

Member Name: nednod

Product:	Dean Malenko
Date:	09/01/02 (252 review reads)
Rating:

Advantages: Smooth as a babys bottom, very young at around 150, "Ladies man", puts loads of enthusiasm into his voice, Genius, A man of a thousand moves

Disadvantages: May take your woman away from you

Dean Malenko used to be in WCW, as a part of the ferocious team, The Radicals. These wrestlers, Perry Saturn, Eddy Guerro and The Wolverine Chris Benoit and Old Smoothie Pants (Malenko) were brought to the WWF by old Mick Foley, a good friend of theirs.

However, The Game and his beautiful wife Stephanie McMahan (Witch woman) weren't allowing this and made security escort them out. Oh, the embarrassment. Mick wasn't having any of this and the next week on Raw Mick brought them back to the surprise of HHH. The Game came out to the ring and told security to come out, again. But before they could get out Mick asked HHH for a sort of tournament.
Old Smoothie Vs X-Pac
Perry and Eddy Vs Road Dogg and Billy Gun
HHH Vs Chris Benoit.
If Foley's team one 2 out of 3 of the matches, they would get a contract with the WWF, if DX won, then Foley's team would leave, FOREVER.

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The Tournament
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I personally thought Malenko should have been against HHH, but it wasn't to be. So the battle commenced.
Dean Malenko Vs X-Pac:
Just what must have been going through Smoothie's head? Well he is the James Bond of the WWF so it was probably what he was having for tea. The match started off quickly, for he was against X to the P to the A to the C, one of the fastest men in the world. However, Dean started off well, The man with a thousand move (Malenko) knew pretty much everything about counter attacks, he is about 157. X-Pac couldn't get the old man down, this is when disaster struck, the mastermind that is X-Pac had already arranged for Road Dogg to come down to the ring- causing a distraction for the referee. With the ref, and Dean at the ropes trying to stop The Dogg from coming any closer, X-Pac took his chance and gave a devastating low blow into an X-Factor, putting the man out, he was out for the 1,2,3.
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After the first defeat it wasn't looking hopeful for the Radicals. The second match didn't do to well either. It looked like they were going to do it, with The Ass Man down and The cheating Dogg out cold, outside the ring, Eddy took his chance. Climbing to the top rope, he attempted his trademark Frog Splash. It looked to have worked beautifully, however, that was not the case. Eddy had landed awkwardly, resulting in a broken arm. Road Dogg was recovering and with Eddy out cold, it was 2 on 1. Perry couldn't win, even with the help of his devastating finisher, the rings of Saturn, the team of Road Dogg and Billy Gunn was too much for him, he lost the match and it seemed as if it was all over for The Radicals.

However this was not to be, after the commercial break HHH announced that he would take on the ravenous wolverine Chris Benoit in a match to decide whether The Radicals stayed or went. I thought Chris Benoit was going to forfeit the match leaving Malenko to take over, it wasn't so. The match started off with Benoit looking very good. After a few minutes HHH was thrown into the corner. Benoit followed and started to lay the smacketh down on The Game. Then HHH came back with one devastating blow, however Benoits reflexes were to quick and HHH missed Benoit and hit the ref, knocking him out cold. Benoit carried on beating HHH up, eventually getting him on the ground. This was it; Benoit climbed the ropes and using his head like a missile, jumped off the turnbuckle crashing down on HHH's heart. The Game must have been out cold, but wait, so was the ref. He tried to revive the ref, it was no good, and with HHH starting to move he had to do something. The Game got up and went for a blow to Benoit, it had no affect, Benoit threw HHH against the ropes and as he came back, pulled HHH down to the life threatening Crippler Cross Face. It was too much for HHH, he tapped out, but still, the ref was not up. Chris was fu
rious, he got up and started shaking the ref, he eventually started to move and Chris let him get up himself. However, while Benoit had been reviving the ref, HHH had got up and begun to stalk him. As he turned around the Game gave him a kick to the mid-section, Chris lent over and we all knew what was coming next. HHH put The Wolverines head between his legs and delivered a shocking Pedigree. He was out, like the other Radicals, for the 1,2,3. There was no hope for Old Smoothy Pants and the rest of The Radicals. Or so you thought.

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Smoothie Pants unexpectedly returns
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The following week on Raw Foley came out with his team of outcasts for one last speech. Soon after they had started to give out their fair speeches the Games music came on and out came HHH and his pet hippo Stephanie. This wasn't unexpected and The Radicals started taunting HHH, asking him to come down to the ring to see what they could really do. He started to walk down to the ring with his hippo following, he got up onto the side of the ring just in front of Foley. The Radicals started charging towards the Game in anger, or so it looked. They ran towards him but just before they got there, instead of taking down HHH, they whopped Foley over the head knocking him down to the floor. They carried on this beating, with HHH joining in, and his witch cackling at the side, for a few minutes. After they had stopped HHH took to the mike and announced that The Radicals would be staying with the WWF, he had made a deal with them - if they beat up Mick, they got their contracts. They obviously agreed, what geniuses.

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General facts
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Dean Malenko, or Old Smoothie Pants as he's known as, is a well-established wrestler in the WWF and looks to have a great future ahead of him.
C
oming in at around 212 pounds and 5'8" he's one of the larger people in the WWF sometimes even making The Big Show look small. He, and most other people, consider him to be a "ladies man", I'm sure if any of you foxy ladies fell under the charm of this stud you'd see that he is a "ladies man" for he has a kind of personality that seems to lure women to him, another great thing about him. He is a master at wrestling and with a nickname like, "the man of a thousand moves" you don't doubt it. He fights opponents using his great knowledge and clever reversals, making it impossible for many superstars to even start a move, let alone finish it.

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The "champion"
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Dean's first belt, and definitely not his last, was the Intercontinental championship. He won this in a gruelling triple threat match at No Mercy. It was him Vs Eddie Guerro Vs both of theirs enemy, Chris Jericho.
It was a few months after Eddies arm had healed so he was regaining form rapidly, however, Malenko was at top form and had been for the last few matches.
The match started off with the two Radicals putting their strengths together and dominating Jericho. However this was not to last, Jericho was in the corner and he looked be going down. Malenko was going to charge at Jericho while Eddie held him there. A devastating move, but it did not go as planned, as Malenko got nearer to Jericho, the long haired cheater grabbed Eddie, throwing him straight in the way of Malenko. I can tell you now Eddie was not too happy, he tried fighting back, throwing a few jabs at smoothie pants. This was too much for Malenko and in a few quick moves Malenko had Eddie down on the floor, begging for mercy- He had obviously forgotten what event he was at. As this happened Jericho had redeemed his self, but this was no help to him, Dean gra
bbed him, pounding at him over and over again. Jericho was on the mat, everyone knew what was coming, it was Malenko's backbreaking special move, The Texas Cloverleaf, was coming Jericho's way. The Texas Clover Leaf is a submission move in which Dean takes his oppositions legs and crosses them, holding these legs he proceeds to turn the opponent over, stretching his back and delivering a truck load of pain to the unlucky, soon to be, loser of this match. This is exactly what Jericho had to endure, and after just a few seconds in this torture chamber, he tapped out, making Malenko the new champion.

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Losing the belt.
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Old Smoothie Pants was champion and he was certainly not going to give up as easily as Jericho did. Match after match, Malenko won, no one could beat him, even the likes of Hardcore Holly and Scotty Too Hotty could not overcome this wrestling genius, matches sometime ending after just a few minutes, once even seconds. However after his defeat, Eddie Guerro was ranting and raving. And now with the help of his new boyfriend, Chyna, he went to HHH and his pet pig, Stephanie, demanding a title match. The wish was granted and the match was set. The match started off very quickly indeed, Guerro being a very quick athlete in all, not nearly as quick as X-Pac though, that's just common fact though. Malenko looked to have the advantage though, all of Guerros moves were being reversed and the match looked to be going the same way as all the others. This is when Eddies
Boyfriend/girlfriend distracted the ref getting up on the side of the ring; this is when Eddy got his chance. He was down in the corner of his ring; just next to the roses he had given Chyna. He picked these up and before Malenko had a chance to block it, he hit him round the head with them. But how could a dozen roses knock out a giant, well I'll tell, after hittin
g Malenko with the roses Eddie threw them away so the ref thought he had just got Smoothie Pants down with a move, however when the roses landed the ribbon tying them up came unravelled, showing a lead pipe. It was all just one big scam. Eddy pinned Malenko for the 1,2,3 and got the win leaving Dean lying in the middle of the ring, not looking to good.

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The future for "The James Bond of the WWF."
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After losing the title Dean was not pleased. However, HHH and his horse would not give Dean a rematch, he was obviously too good for the belt. However this did not stop Malenko from dominating the WWF, winning match after match he started to become more and more recognised as a definite contender for the WWF Title, sometime making the odd appearance on metal, or even superstars, going along with the story line of him losing and looking very impressive, there is obviously a bright future for Smoothie Pants, maybe soon returning to take revenge on last weeks loss against The Brooklyn Brawler, another hot contender for The WWF Title. The man of a thousand moves will not be stopped and I'm hoping he will make a come back. Next year he will turn 158 and if your reading Dean, Thank you, you were all ways there for me when I needed a few tips for when I try to impress the ladies, one day, I hope to be just like you.

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Info on the man himself
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Information on Old Smoothie Pants can be found at:

· http://www.wwfsuperstars.com/DeanMalenko
Also I'm hoping for a biography by him, you could probably get this for around 50p at a car boot sale in a few years. If you get the chance to purchase the product, you know I would, so buy it!!!

All comments appreciated in less your some idiot saying "Dean Malenko Sucks"
not mentioning any names?


SHOEBOX!!!!

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