It is not always the men who hit (Domestic Violence)

Member Name: birdy22

Product:	Domestic Violence
Date:	27/04/09 (84 review reads)
Rating:

Advantages: There is a way out

Disadvantages: Shatters your self confidence

When I was about 16 I met someone who after just 2 weeks I was silly enough to move in with. He was gorgeous and I was not the best looking girl so I was flattered. Everything was perfect at first. He was loving, caring, kind and would do everything for me. He used to make all the meals, do all the housework and everything.

It wasn't until about 4 months later after we had been food shopping that it all changed. We got home and had not even started to unpack. He looked really angry so I asked what was wrong. He told me that I had been flirting with the man at the till. He started shouting and screaming at me and calling me a slag. He went in the huff and we never spoke for the rest of the day. he bought me flowers and all was forgiven.

He had episodes like that more often over the following months. Then when he was calling me a slag one day he grabbed my private parts. Told me thatI was his and noone elses. I couldn't even go to the local shop unless I walked all the way there and back with my head down just incase I happened to look at another man.

Not long after was the first time he was ever violent. It all happened so quick but he punched me in the face. I must have been knocked out cause the next thing I can remember was being on the floor. When I came round he grabbed my hair and started hitting my head off the floor. When I woke up he was nowhere to be seen. I pulled myself together and just kept myself hidden away for a few weeks till the bruising went down.

No sooner had it gone down though and he was giving me fresh ones. While he was hitting me he used to say that if I left him I would be on my own for the rest of my life because I was a fat ugly slag. Noone else would ever want to be with me. When someone says something to you over and over again you start to believe it.

Towards the end I was being beaten just about once a week. Not always to the face as he knew people may start asking questions if they saw me with bruises or if I was hiding away all the time.

Then the worst thing happened. During a beating to the face and being pushed up against a wall I was knocked out cold. When I woke up he was on top of me, pulling at my clothes. The rest is too hard for me to talk about but I think everyone gets the idea. I just new after that that it was never going to get any better. I knew that if I did not leave him he could end up killing me.

The final straw came when we were arguing one night, he kicked me down the stairs. When I managed to crawl into the kitchen he picked up a knife and held it to my throat. I just couldn't help thinking that I was never going to make it out of there alive. Then there was a knock at the door. It was a friend of him and he ended up just walking into the house. There was a big fight between them after he had seen the state of me and he got me out of the house and took me back to my parents.

I have never looked back. I have seen him a few times since we have split and I walk past him holding my head up high. He is on the dole and has no family or partner or friends. I have everything I could possibly wish for anything more.

It took me a very long time to gain some confidence but I have done it. I am who I am and if anyone doesn't like it then tough. I wont change for anyone. yes I am overweight or as my boyfriend calls me 'cuddly'.
I have been with my current partner for 5 years now and although I know deep down that he would never lay a finger on me I do still live in the past a bit. We nearly split up three years ago because he told me I was living in the past too much and it was ruining our relationship.

I started to talk things through with him what I had been through in the past and it helped me to do that.

A message to everyone out there who is suffering in a way that I USED to. 'Get out now while you still can'. They will not change. they do not love you because if they did they would not inflict pain on you.

But please remember that it is not always men who hit women. Women can be violent as well.

Summary: It is not always the men who hit