Is my Christmas past going to be your Christmas present? (Domestic Violence)

Member Name: Glory_FishesII

Product:	Domestic Violence
Date:	01/12/03 (110 review reads)
Rating:

Advantages: None at all

Disadvantages: Everything

It has been nearly eight years since he hit me and approaching fifteen years since the first blow was dealt and I have shared this story before on both here and Ciao and each time I write about it the pain is just as fresh. I don't blame myself anymore and that is something I cling to around this time of year.

My Dad started hitting me when I was twelve, unbeknown to me he had been regularly lashing out at my Mam since their second wedding anniversary. It was usually at Christmas that he became his most brutal, whether this was due to the amount of alcohol floating about or loss of my beloved Naino his Mam on 23rd December 1987 that turned every Christmas into a ritualistic hell I
is anyone's guess, I'm a qualified psychologist and I still can't work it out because part of me is still curled up on the livingroom carpet detached from my own screams of pain and anger.

So they years came and went along with the tears and the vows to never do it again and then I became a young woman with my own life in a different city. I vowed that I would never let that happen again, but on my first summer vacation from university my Dad simply came up to me and punched me in the face following a night out. This time I fought back in more ways than one. He bruised me and split my lip, but somehow with no shoes I managed to get to the phonebox and call the police. I charged him with assault and the case went to court.

My parents eventually split over an affair and I was relieved that my Mam could finally start making her own life. she hasn't has the easiest of times and has been diagnosed with Parkinson's Disease and I thought she was coping with the situation quite well all things considered.

But the violence didn't stop there. I have a sister some eight years younger than myself who has proceeded to go off the rails. I have only realised in recent years that I was not the only victim in my childhood, my sister
witnessed some truly dreadful things but nothing brought it home more than when she walked up to me and punched me in the face during a trivial argument over a film on TV. It makes my blood run cold just to think of it, her mannerisms we so akin to his that I froze. I held my ground and ended up giving her a black eye. It isn't something I'm proud of, it's something that happened and meant that yet another family Christmas lay in tatters.

I am not writing this to gain sympathy or praise. If my story strikes a chord with you, please remember that domestic violence is not a case of the abuser and the abused, it effects everyone and these effects last years and show themselves in ways that can only lead to hurt. So if you can't do it for yourself, do it for your family. I have had medication , therapy and recognition of my suffering. Some people never do.

If I could have one wish this Christmas it wouldn't be that it never happened to me, but that my little sister had never been there to witness it. Remembering that day when she tried to stop him has me in tears even as I type. She was four years old, she was the brave one.

Find that courage in yourself and make the first move.

Good luck.

Jo


NSPCC Helpline on: 0808 800 5000.
Useful addresses
Women's Aid Federation England
Tel: 0845 7023 468
Website: <http://www.womensaid.org.uk>
Support, advice, information and referrals for women experiencing domestic violence. Makes direct referrals to refuges throughout England.

Women's Aid Helpline, Northern Ireland
Tel: 028 9033 1818
Advice, information, listening, support and referrals. Also runs refuges.

Welsh Women's Aid
Tel: 029 2039 0874
Referrals to local Women's Aid offices in Wales.

Scottish Women's Aid
National Office
Tel: 0131 475 2372
Offers information, support, and referrals to local
groups.

Refuge National Crisis Line
Tel: 0990 995 443
Offers support, information, referrals. Runs own refuges in London and South East.

Kiran - Asian Women's Aid
Tel: 020 8558 1986
Advice, support, refuge for Asian women, and women from other cultures e.g. Turkey, Iran, Morocco, Malaysia etc.

Everyman Project
Tel: 020 7737 6747
Counselling, support and advice to men who are violent or concerned about their violence, and anyone affected by that violence.


Source : www. nspcc.org.uk

Useful Links
BBC Hitting Home campaign - http://www.bbc.co.uk/health/hh </health/hh/index.shtml>

Information, help and support for anyone affected by domestic violence.

Women's Aid 24-Hour National Domestic Violence Helpline on 08457 023 468 -
<http://www.womensaid.org.uk>

Women's Aid offers support and refuge for women and children affected by domestic violence. Public numbers for the refuges are on the website.

Home Office Break the Chain leaflet -

<http://www.homeoffice.gov.uk/cpd/cpsu/dome stic.htm>

Steps that people suffering from domestic violence can take. There are phone numbers for organisations plus advice for people who want to help a friend experiencing domestic violence.

Refuge 24-Hour National Crisis Line - 0990 995 443

Men's Advice Line and Enquiries - 020 8644 9914

Rights of Women - <http://www.rightsofwomen.org.uk/>

A charity providing free legal advice by telephone to women in England and Wales

Victim Support - <http://www.victimsupport.org.uk>

Victim Support (0845 30 30 900) helps people cope with the effects of crime. There are separate advice sections for people living in England and Wales, Scotland and Northern Ireland.

Shelterline - 0808 800 4444 - <http://www.shelter.org.uk>

Housing advice both for the homeless and people
having difficulties paying their rent or mortgage. Numbers for local centres are published, along with information guides.

The Samaritans - 0345 90 90 90 - <http://www.samaritans.org.uk>

Not only do the Samaritans provide an invaluable listening service, they also raise public awareness of issues such as depression and suicide. You can email them or contact your local branch, listed on the site.

Source: www. bbc.co.uk

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