FAT FREAK? (Eating disorders - how are they caused?)

Member Name: harmonyk

Product:	Eating disorders - how are they caused?
Date:	01/09/01 (118 review reads)
Rating:

Advantages: Keeps you warm in winter, Cuddly

Disadvantages: Unhealthy, Un-attractive, Unfashionable

FAT - FATTY - FATSO - TUBBY - LARDFACE

I doesn't matter which way I look at it, the word is the same - overweight, out of control, a freak.

Now I'm sure there are a lot of you righteous 'normal' people out there shouting, "oh come on, you're not too bad, you're just big boned, it's just the way you are" or even "Well it's your own fault, you eat too much"

They are safe in their 'normal' bodies. There will not be a single one of them who can say, hand on heart, "I wouldn't mind being that heavy." Fat is disgusting.

I am disgusting and I am realistic. Sometimes though, I am forgetful, like when I apply for a job, I forget my size, dress myself up, grab my impressive CV and head for my interview. The look on the faces of my potential employers is a painful reminder of just how I really look.

I will sometimes be in the midst of a conversation with friends (yes I do have a few) and they will (inevitably) get onto the subject of losing weight (not that they need to) they talk about how awful it is to be their gross size of 14 or 16. How do they think I feel at 26 - 28? They just carry on - never actually drawing me into the chat - talking about fat as if it were an illegal substance.

Another thing that has had an affect on me is the number of idiots who assume that if a female has a large belly, she must be pregnant. No self respecting woman would allow her stomach to swell to such proportions unless she was with child - or would she? On more than 2 occasions I have been asked when my baby was due. OK - you might say is was an understandable mistake, but surely to goodness - women do get fat too. Why risk acutely embarrassing both parties by asking until you can be sure of the facts.

Don't get me wrong - I'm not saying being fat is OK. I hate it. I was a skinny kid who started gaining weight after puberty and piled it
on after having my 2 kids. I am now the equivilent of 2 average women. I love food but I hate my need for it. It's like a drug - I can't kick the habit. I have tried all the clubs and diets. None of which I can stick to. I know I should forget the diet book and just eat healthly. I am well aware of all the right things to do. I just have this little voice in my head that says "It's tea time - better have tea" etc, etc.

I have learned that weight gain is a very relative thing. When I was size 16 I thought I was just as disgusting a size then as I do now at size 26. We never see ourselves as others do. I hear size 14's and 16's moaning about their size and I try to tell them to see themselves as they really are - but it is impossible - we only see the bad things, and society convinces us we are right.

I would dearly love someone like Oprah to come along and say - "Hey, don't worry, I'll let my personal trainer come and sort you out" Or to be sent away on one of those TV weight loss programmes. There's a challenge - who's out there that will pay for me to be made a new person? Because the person I am now, the fat, ugly, middle-aged woman with no self esteem or confidence, she would vanish. I don't know who would replace her.

It is over 25 years since I was anything like 'normal' - I was young then, just getting married, the big adventure. Now I am 45, fat, my husband left me for his thin secretary and I don't really want to go on with my life like this. Continually being reminded what a freak of nature I am, always aware that no man will be attracted to me. We all know that looks are the first obstacle. So it doesn't matter how 'nice' I seem on the chat pages of the 'net - as soon as I send an honest picture - they vanish. Bastards!

So next time you meet/interview/find yourself with a large person - remember we have feelings to
o. Don't judge by the size of dress. Inside that flabby body is a warm, sensitive, intelligent person screaming to be given a chance. And if you hear a fat person being taunted - don't laugh it off and say "it's her own fault, she shouldn't get like that". Instead, step in and tell the taunters to clear off and get a life - you might just make a good friend.

Fat people don't want to be fat, often they just want to be wanted and have turned to food for comfort. I know - and I hate that I know.

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