He, like, doesn't go, like ANYWHERE (or English Language 101) (English Language)

Member Name: mattygroves10

Product:	English Language
Date:	23/11/05 (234 review reads)
Rating:

Advantages: Decent grammar equals clarity and readability

Disadvantages: It takes a little time and thought and a slight bit of education to write well

My Life Story (well, not exactly)
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I spent much of my childhood having my grammar corrected by my father. Worse, he corrected my friends' grammar as well. How embarrassing.

The consequence of this (apart from a slightly neurotic personality) is that I too am a stickler for grammar. Not to the same extent, mind you. I do correct my daughter's English (although not in front of her friends), but I pretty much leave other people's spoken English alone (apart from my husband's, but he knows what I'm like).

However, I write (nothing exciting I'm afraid - mostly internal training and policy manuals) and, more to the point, proofread and edit other people's writing for a living. There are some common errors that really get my goat.

Don't get me wrong - I might be a better writer than some, and I know I'm worse than many. But in formal or semi-formal writing, there are some rules of thumb that really should be observed.

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Spoken English
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Having said I'm focusing on written English, I would briefly like to touch on spoken English, since on a fairly informal forum such as this, we write more like we speak than we would for a job application or an academic paper.

## Rule 1: Like is not UM ## - how often do we now hear, especially from the young, something along the lines of "It was like, totally, like, AWESOME". OK, that's an extreme example, but, "like" used in that way rarely adds anything to your sentence or attempts to communicate. Like, leave it out.

## Rule 2: If she's speaking, she's not GOING anywhere! ## - When I was thirteen, I was travelling in the car with my mother and a friend. The friend was telling a long and involved story involving a lot of quoted speech. "And then," says my friend, "he went 'what are you talking about?'"

Every time my mother heard this, she said to my friend, "Where does he go?" I wanted to die, but my mother's subtlety may have needed a helping hand, but her point was valid.

If he's walking, running, flying, tunnelling or driving, he's going . Otherwise, he's saying, explaining, exclaiming, shouting, crying - take your pick, but don't use 'goes!'

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Written English
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Again, I'm not claiming my grammar is perfect. This is not a complete list of things to avoid, or things to correct. Nor does it need to be followed slavishly. But if you use these as guidelines, your writing will read more professionally. This doesn't mean you have to write everything as if you're an egghead or a stuffed shirt! I'm not suggesting that you automatically become a 'bad' writer if you 'break' any of these rules. I am only suggesting that in many cases, your writing will improve if you do, at least most of the time.

Really, if I'm honest, it's simply a list of my pet peeves!

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Apostrophes
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Apostrophes must be one of the most consistently misused punctuation marks. They are often omitted when they should be included, and included where they simply don't belong.

I received an e-mail once which included the following: "Lets work from attached and get it good etc". 'Lets' needs an apostrophe, since it's a contraction for Let us . On the other hand (a nice cliché, there!), there is a beauty salon near my home called The Rainbow Room's . The Rainbow Room's what...The Rainbow Room's building, street, what? The Rainbow Rooms is plural, and so shouldn't have an apostrophe.

However, just to confuse the issue, it's is NOT possessive. It's a contraction for it is . So the "cup's handle," if you were using the pronoun, would be "its handle".

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Etc, etc etc and so forth
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Etc. is a fine 'word', if you are making a list, and the number of items on the list exceeds either the space or the reader's interest. It's not so great if you are just being lazy - as in the e-mail I mentioned above: "...lets get it good etc." It's a bit of a get out really - it covers his back, but does nothing for me.

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It either is unique or it isn't!
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You can't qualify unique. The word means "one of a kind". So something either is or it isn't. If you mean to say something is very unusual, or extremely uncommon, then say so - there are plenty of synonyms for uncommon, but unique is...unique.

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Yes, I know the rule about 'I'...but...
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We all learned in school that, if we are naming a person or people along with ourselves, you should always put the people's names first, followed by 'I' (for example, "Sally and I went to the store"). HOWEVER, if we are keeping a secret between ourselves, then it is between you and me. Yes, it is anti-intuitive. But it's true nevertheless.

WARNING - TECHNICAL BIT HERE. If you've ever studied a second language, you will probably have learnt that between is a preposition that takes the accusative case. Therefore, it takes 'me', not 'I'. After all, you wouldn't say between we, now would you?

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There is no such word as IRREGARDLESS
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If you must use such a ten dollar word, use 'regardless', or 'irrespective'. Better yet, use the simplest word you can find. It makes for an easier and more pleasant read.

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The End
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That will about do it for now. There are loads of books out there that talk about grammar and style. For a more comprehensive and better written guide to words and phrases that should either be avoided or are frequently mis-used, I would recommend the book Troublesome Words by Bill Bryson (I'm not on the payroll, I just really enjoy his books!)

Summary: Avoid :'Irregardless of it's imperfections, between you and I, its like, cool and totally unique etc