Newest Review: ... The Fox and the Hound (Disney) on video with my girls, I had to leave the room. I avoid animal films because if anything bad happens ... more
Those Were The Days... <3
Member Name: Enkaypee
Advantages: A little bit of how I've become the person I am today
Disadvantages: Not all happy memories
Love is a funny thing, isn't it? You can love many people at many different times during your life, but each time it's a different type of love and each time it feels so different.
My first proper crush was when I was about 14 or 15 and lasted a good few years... It was the type of thing where I fancied him as soon as I saw him (who says love at first sight doesn't exist?!), but we didn't actually speak for a few months. When we eventually did, we became the best of friends and knew we could tell each other anything. Nothing ever happened between us, and he never ever felt the same way, but I thought I was in love. I would have done anything for him, but unfortunately I don't think he would have done the same. Now, looking back on it, I don't think I ever loved him in a romantic way, although it seemed like it at the time - it was probably more of a brotherly love. We were so close for quite a few years, even after we realised that friends is all we'd ever be, but unfortunately at the beginning of this year he let me down in a big way. And when that happens to me, I no longer have any time for that person..... :(
There was someone else, too, when I was a bit older. He was the first guy that ever paid me any real interest and didn't go off and sleep with other girls a week later. Not that I knew of, anyway! We were never really interested in anything serious with each other - it was more just about a bit of fun. I was young, and he was a bit older, so it was exciting and I actually think I learned a lot from him, both about myself and about boys. I never thought I loved him, and still don't think I ever did - the only feelings I harboured for him were towards someone who was interested in me for a bit of fun. However, when we stopped talking it took me a long time to get over him and although we don't talk anymore, I sometimes wish we did as he was a big part of my life. From an older and wiser viewpoint, was it love? I don't think I'll ever really know. I'll always have a soft spot for him and will always be willing to be friends, but we can never be anything more any longer. In this case, love is......too difficult to define.
Despite all this uncertainty and these youthful crushes and fun, there is undoubtedly one person in my life who I love more than anything. Mr. E is really my first love... When I was younger and thought I loved someone, the feeling never came close to how I feel now, and I know no-one can ever make me feel the same way that he does. We were introduced by a mutual friend, and got talking online before we met in real life - it all happened rather quickly as we were going out just over 2weeks after we started talking, but we both knew it was right. We've now been together for almost 23months, and we're still in love as much as ever. Lately my friends have been commenting that I'm even like a lovesick puppy! Lol... He's 5years older than me, but we don't notice the age difference and it doesn't make an ounce of difference. Our relationship is the type where even still, we miss each other every second we're apart and get so excited when we know we're going to see each other. I know that he's the one I'm going to spend the rest of my life with :) It might all sound cheesy, but I hope that if you haven't already, you all find someone one day that is perfect for you like I have. It's the best feeling in the world!
---First Time You Had Your Heart Broken---
I had a difficult couple of years in my early teens (read on to find out more...), so I only really found time for boys nearer the age of 16. There was one boy who started paying me close attention, and as I was new to all of that, I was keen to get involved and see what happened. He was four years older than me (I seem to go for slightly older men, don't I?!) and was obviously much more experienced than me, but he was the first boy I kissed. I think I was too young and hopeful - some may say na´ve - and in my eagerness pushed things too far too soon. I remember sending him a message asking what was going to happen to our relationship, whether we would advance to anything more or just stay as friends. He must have read it that I was asking him out, when I wasn't - I just wanted to know where I stood with him. He replied saying that he wasn't ready for a relationship and he was having some family difficulties that he needed to sort out first. I believed him......until less than a week later when he started going out with someone else. I soon found out that he'd been sleeping with her while I thought we had been going somewhere! It was only much later on that I found out he had a bit of a reputation with the ladies, and I hadn't seen it. I think I must have just scared him off or something - we were only really talking for about a month in total, so I never knew him well enough or for long enough to have feelings that ever came close to love. As a result, he didn't properly break my heart, but this is the closest I've ever come as it hit me hard. I learnt very quickly that boys aren't always as nice as they might seem! Luckily, that was a long time ago and I've moved on and matured a lot since then - I won't be making the same mistake again!
In my mid-teens, to earn a bit of extra money, I was an Avon Representative for well over a year. When I made money, it was easy money and good money. Unfortunately, my neighbourhood weren't that into the Avon stuff, and although I had a few loyal clients, I didn't have many at all. Add to that the fact that I was still at school at the time, and it's clear that I never really had the time or energy to put enough effort into it to make money. It got to a point where I was either breaking even each month, or - more usually - making a loss. That's not how a job's supposed to work! So as soon as I realised this, I gave it up and cheekily passed the buck to the next unsuspecting person!
However, although I made a little money from that, I don't really count it as a proper job. Remember at the beginning of November, when I said I'd started a new Spanish course, as well as a new job in the same week? Well that was my first proper job. I was working in the food department in my local Marks and Spencer store. The selection process was the easiest I've ever been through - there was an online test followed by an interview which only consisted of a role-play! I worked mostly early mornings, for 21 hours per week - it doesn't sound like a lot, but it was so fast-paced and such hard work. Every day I came home and just slept! I really liked the people, and the environment, and the flexibility - the only negative I found was the system they had in place for letting people go on their breaks. There was a huge amount of room for human error, which all too often manifested itself. There was one day in particular when I worked my whole 7.30am-2pm shift without any kind of a break at all....not impressive!
Now, you may note that I've been writing all this in the past tense. Well, it was only a fixed-term contract which lasted me up until Christmas. I was so keen to stay on and tried my hardest, working my butt off each week, and I did apply for their vacancies so I could be moved to a permanent contract. Unfortunately it wasn't enough, and they decided not to keep me on :( The reason they gave me was poor, in my opinion, but there wasn't a lot I could do just two days before Christmas, but anyway that's a whole other story... Working at M&S has taught me a lot about myself and the type of roles that I'd be best suited for. Unfortunately, being young and relatively inexperienced I don't think I'll be climbing those ladders anytime soon. Now, once again I'm spending my days looking for jobs and dreaming of the day that I win the lottery. Fingers crossed my time will come!
---First Time You Were Sacked/Promoted---
As you will probably have just guessed, as I've just finished my first proper job, I've never been promoted. The closest I've come to being promoted is just being hired in the first place! As for being sacked, I've never experienced that either. I've come to the end of my contract with an employer and not been kept on, but that isn't exactly the same as being sacked. To me, it feels the same though. I felt like although I couldn't have been working harder, I hadn't been doing my job well enough and had let them down. More likely I was just letting myself down...
---First Time You Got Drunk---
I've never actually been properly drunk! I think that's quite an achievement for someone young in today's society, but to be honest I'm not really a party animal. Don't get me wrong, I like a drink once in a while and it does loosen me up, but I've never been drunk. I have been a little tipsy, though... The first time this happened was at my friend's 18th birthday party some time ago. It was quite a formal, sit-down affair, but there was a lot of wine and champagne available! To get drunk would have been rude and inappropriate in that situation, but if I recall correctly I drank 6glasses of wine and 2glasses of champagne on top of a big meal, and that was enough to make me wobble a bit when I stood up! That's the worst I've ever been, but even that gave my friends reason to tease me for many months to come!
---First Time You Cried At A Film---
Everyone's cried at films, haven't they? I mean, as children, we all find films scary, but can't remember every single one. I remember finding The Wizard of Oz so scary when I was tiny, so probably cried at that at some point!
However, the first time I actually remember crying at a film was the first time I saw Ice Age. Not your usual tearjerker, I know! But you know that bit, right near the end, when they have just reached the baby's father and clan, when they just mount the hill and as they go over the top the father turns round to see who it is, and you can just see the love between the father and the baby? And they put the baby down to toddle over to its father, and everyone starts crying? I'm sure you know the bit I mean...and when I was younger, it certainly got my tears flowing! I tend to cry at happiness more than sadness, and that happy moment was just too much and really touched me. I know it's not real, but it still touches a soft spot every time I see it. Call me soft, but that's me!
---First Time You Lost Someone Special---
I'm lucky enough never to have lost someone very close to me, and dread the day that I do. Every day I thank my lucky stars that both my parents and all my grandparents are still with me. However, many years ago I did lose my little cousin. I was only seven at the time, and I still remember coming home from school and my mum sitting me down to tell me that there had been a car accident. My aunt and two cousins had been given a lift somewhere by a friend and her daughter, when a car pulled out in front of them and they crashed. The driver (my aunt's friend) was fine, and my aunt suffered from quite a few broken ribs, amongst other bones. My baby cousin was being held by my aunt on her lap, which probably saved her life, as she only ended up with a few scratches and bruises. The driver's daughter and my other cousin had been lying down asleep in the back seats and stupidly hadn't been wearing safety belts. They both woke up just before the crash but sadly not soon enough to put on their belts first. They both died at the scene... They were only four years old.
I burst out crying when I found out, and still think about him every single day. They were living in South Africa at the time, so I never got to say goodbye. I often wonder what type of person he would have grown up to be... Remembering how he used to be, I know he would have been one of the kindest, most warm-hearted people you could ever hope to meet. It's the thought of him that I always use to bring me back down to earth every time I need it. I miss him... R.I.P. Roo xxx
I still have my first car! My 13 year-old maroon Renault Clio, aptly named Ruby. We bought her a few months before I took my first driving test - plenty of time before I passed my second test a couple of months later! She's an automatic, with automatic windows and a sunroof, so was probably top-of-the-range when she was new. Now, she's not the fastest, coolest car around but she's got bundles of character and gets me from A to B. She can be quite zippy when she wants to be! Luckily, she's had a very good history as before me, she had belonged to only one family. That means she's been very well looked after, and apart from an incident where part of her exhaust was coming adrift, she's not proved to be any trouble at all! Being an old car, I know she doesn't have the longest of lives left, but as she's my first car, I love her loads and don't ever want to let her go!
---First Fight/Heated Argument---
Apart from my father, I'm the least argumentative, confrontational person ever, so very rarely get into any kind of fight, argument or debate. However, the biggest argument I've ever been in was, perhaps unsurprisingly, with my mum when I was about 16. I don't remember at all how it started or what it was about, but I remember being the most angry I've ever been...and she was the most angry I've ever seen her, too! However, I tried my best to keep my composure and have never said anything mean to her or anything I regret. I don't really want to go into too much detail as it won't be productive and it's all over anyway. Just put it this way...I'm glad I've never gone through anything like that again!
---First Time You Realised Your Own Mortality---
I first realised my own mortality when I was 14...so young for that sort of thing. I suffer from a rare genetic condition called Marfan syndrome (I plan to do a more in-depth review of this in the discussion forums at some point), and this provides a lot of trouble with the body's muscles and skeleton (among other things). One common problem for people with Marfan syndrome is that they develop scoliosis, or in other words a curvature of the spine. When I was 13 I had another very serious problem with my spine corrected, and they hoped that the process would correct some of the scoliosis as well. Unfortunately it didn't, and 10months later, at the age of 14 I was admitted again so that they could correct my scoliosis.
It's a fairly common procedure in the orthopaedic world, but as it deals with the spine it does have its risks. For me, my scoliosis ran down the whole length of my spine, so this is where they had to operate - my scar starts at the very top of my back and runs down the entire length of my back to disappear into my bum.
So anyway, the day of this operation arrived - it was mid-summer and was one of those sweltering days when the temperature reached the mid-30s. I was supposed to go into surgery in the morning but there were delays and I only went in in the early afternoon - throughout the whole morning I felt so sick from the lack of food and the heat. I should have known then it wasn't going to be a good day!
The operation only lasted about 4hours in total, but it didn't exactly go to plan... At that age you have approximately 7units of blood in your body, yet they had to give me 10units. I effectively lost all the blood in my body, and half again. They had another 10units on standby just for me, although thankfully they never had to use it. On top of that my breathing dropped down to just 6breaths per minute. Normally at that hospital with that type of operation, they transfer you to the High Dependency Unit overnight just to keep an eye on you before you go back to your own ward, but I bypassed that completely and went straight to the Intensive Care Unit where I stayed for 4days. They kept me sedated overnight and ended up keeping me off my medication for longer than they would have liked, just to make sure I'd stabilised properly. I should have died that day, and owe my life to the skilled hands of my surgeon and the anaesthetist.
However, I made a miraculously speedy recovery and was home just 12days after I'd been admitted to hospital. Operations of that magnitude they generally give a recovery rate of 6-12months, but somehow or other I was completely recovered well before that Christmas, 6months later.
My experiences from having that operation have taught me so much, and I think about how lucky I am to be here every single day. I realised at a very young age just how fragile our life is, and no matter how secure or routine we think things should be, we can never be certain. Our lives are hanging in the balance all too often and we should make the most of them while we can. Now that I'm older and am making my own way in life, I no longer wait around for anything - I take every opportunity while I have it and make the most of every opportunity I have. While most of my friends are thinking about partying and having a good time, I'm more interested in settling down and starting a family, because why should I wait until a time that may never come? I don't want to waste my life on unimportant, futile things.
Thanks for reading all of this - I don't think I've ever poured out so much at the same time! I hope I haven't bored you, and I hope I've given you more of an insight into the experiences that have made me who I am today :)
Summary: This is my life... It's not perfect, but I wouldn't change a thing about it!