Magic bones and the need for fur gel! (Robbie Fowler)

Member Name: KingHerrod

Product:	Robbie Fowler
Date:	05/11/01 (158 review reads)
Rating:

Advantages: Magic

Disadvantages: Hair gel

I have stolen the computer again to tell you all about one of the bestest footballers on the planet. Yes that is right it is Geoffrey the mad mohican giraffe, here to tell you all about Robbie Fowler, the genius Liverpool striker.

Robbie why do I like Robbie Fowler? Well he is a goal poacher. When I was a younger giraffe I thought goal poachers were people who folded the goal up all nice and neat like and then poached it in a pan like you do an egg. But now, I know different. Gary Lineker was a good goal poacher, but not as good as Fowler. Goal Poachers are football players that play near the opposition goal (being careful not to get offside) and arrive in the right place to find the ball and shoot it into the net. Fowler was and is good at this. When he was a younger footballer, with fit legs, fit as in athletic not as in phwor I fancy those legs, Fowler would arrive and score lots of goals and the people at Liverpool would go more mental than they already are. I know a few scousers and they make me scalping people look soft.

But Robbie was not just a goal poacher; he was also brilliant at running with the ball and making the goalkeeper (no he is not a man that spends his life looking after goals but the man that has to stop the football hurting the net at the back of the goal) look silly. He would shoot from everywhere and score goal after goal, with his left foot. In fact I think he has the best left foot for scoring goals in the whole world.

Robbie is brilliant, as he has scored lots of goals against the most horrible side in the world, Arsenal. Every time he played Arsenal he scored lots of goals and made Mr Wenger (who is a miserable git who likes frogs) upset. Anybody who upsets Arsenal is brilliant. Robbie saved a lot of his hatricks for Arsenal. I thought this meant that he got Seaman's attention with his top hat and then performed a card trick for him, but really it means he scored three goals against Arsenal
, which is fantastic.

But alas for Robbie he got lots of nasty injuries, people say he got lazy and took too many drugs and things. I say rubbish, he was unlucky, his poor ankle got hurt very badly and took a long time to recover and then had funny growths on it that meant it hurt too much to be brilliant, but even though his ankle was not brilliant for a while as it hurt, Robbie still was a magic player and every other non hurting bone was still brilliant. Now that his ankle has healed again, Robbie is going to be brilliant again, he is going to weave and run and score and make Arsenal defenders look silly and stupid. Which makes me happy. He needs to get super fit again and get those good athletic legs back, but he will and he is still the most naturally gifted person at putting the ball in the goal in the whole wide world. The best thing for me would be if he went to Tottenham (the bestest team in the whole wide world) to play with Teddy Sheringham, then Tottenham would win everything, but he won't because he loves Liverpool too much and he is a scouser not a cockney. Can you tell me if Cockney's have a pole growing out of their knee?

One of Robbie's best features is his wonderful haircut; it looks fine and dandy all plastered down in funny curls with hair gel. I tried to copy him and plastered my fur down with hair gel (I could not find fur gel), I looked cool. But then I sat on the sofa and I was so sticky that I stuck to the sofa, which was new, then I tried to stand up and it ripped the material off and Lorraine scowled at me and told me to go in the garden and think about how silly I had been. I just wanted a fur style like Robbie, so I could look all cool and then score goals like Robbie. This sticky issue meant that I was even more in awe of Robbie as I wondered how he managed to head the ball without it sticking to his head, but he can so he is a genius.

Mr Houllier and Mr Thompson have not been that nice
to Fowler, since he got his ankle all nice and healthy they will not give him the run of games he needs to get fit and get to be the most superb player he is. They prefer the whoops all fall down man, Heskey, which is silly as Robbie is just the best striker in the whole world. Mr Thompson got upset when Robbie told him that he has a big nose and laughed. Mr Thompson tried to get Robbie sacked, but this was stupid as Mr Thompson just has the biggest nose in the world and so should just accept the fact that people are going to laugh at it. When Robbie did get a game he scored more wonderful goals against a team from Leicester and made Leicester players look slow and stupid. Robbie can head and volley and pass and run and is the best forward player in the world. Mr Red nosed and faced Ferguson should sign him as then Man United would be good again and my friend MrKing would be happy. But Mr Ferguson cannot get him as Robbie loves Liverpool.

Robbie has also played some games for England, but England managers have not given him a proper chance to prove how good he is. It was a shame that his ankle got hurt when it did, as he was just about to get lots of England games and score lots of goals. Since he has been better he has scored a wonderful goal for England, against Albania, under the management of MrSven (who I think is nice and great and being from Sweden he may know some nice looking female giraffes).

So Robbie come to Tottenham, MrBoodle (Hoodle to people that do not know his proper name) will play you every week with Teddy, you will be brilliant and you can make fun of MrThompson's big nose every week.

Summary: