| Product: |
Football in General |
| Date: |
02/03/06 (740 review reads) |
| Rating: |
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Advantages: Better than war
Disadvantages: off side rule
Origins
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It used to be thought that football began in the middle ages in North of England by drunken men kicking a pigs bladder around the streets of Burnley. But a similar game was played earlier in the middle east by men who kicked around the head of a goat. However, as we all know, like most things it was probably invented in China during the early Ming Dynasty.
Rules
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Football is a great game of passion and skill. The game is controlled by a referee and his/her two assistants that run up and down the touch line. Men or women can play football but they never play together during a match. Although there can be a women referee/assistant at a man's game for example and vice versa.
The rules of the game are nowadays governed by a mysterious group of people who live in the middle of Europe, perhaps in a house made of sweets in a forest somewhere. These people never play football but they make the rules such as the dreaded off side rule that even assistants and referees don't understand.
There are two teams of eleven players. They play with a ball on a rectangular pitch of grass (usually). They can kick the ball to each other or head it. On either side of the pitch is a goal. The idea is for each team to put the ball across the goal line of the opposing team with either their feet, head, chest, knee, thigh or even their bum… although this is rare. Hands are not allowed (except the hand of God). The ball has to completely cross the line for it to be considered goal. The team with the most goals at the end of a match wins the game. Only a goal keeper can use his hands or make a save for the ball to stop it crossing the line. Although some players like John Terry have made some wonderful saves with their hands this season.
Kit
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Each team player wears the same coloured shirts, shorts and socks as other team members although each player can have his/her own special hair cut. Some players like Cisse of Liverpool have a different hair cut for every game, but this rarely affects the final result. If the temperature drops below 25 degrees Celsius then some players wear gloves. These are usually either: players previously accustomed to warmer climates such as African players or Wayne Rooney.
Teams
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During the 1800s football was an upper-class non-professional game played by university and military people and there were many versions of the rules. For example, players were not allowed to play unless they had a large moustache. The early finals of the FA Cup often involved university teams like Oxford University, fee-paying school teams like the Old Etonians and military teams such as the Royal Engineers. The Royal Engineers were beaten in the very first FA Cup final of 1872 by the Wanderers (no not Bolton just the Wanderers). Nowadays football sides usually represent their local towns or cities and most of their supporters are from the same local area. Manchester Utd however, have supporters from all over the world but very few from Manchester.
Supporters
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Crowds of people gather around the pitch usually sat in stands and cheer on their team. If their team is winning they tend to sing songs and wave their flags and scarves but if their team is losing they tend to use a lot of swear words and make unruly gestures to the referee and players. There are however a small minority who go to football matches to show off their tattoos or just to have a fight.
Mascots
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In England each team can have a mascot such as a big owl, a sly cunning fox, a mouse or a big slipper. The mascots don't play the game. They are supposed to come on before the game starts and inspire the crowd but they usually just jump up and down and scare young children etc. It is usually the less successful teams in the lower divisions that have mascots. Some teams even have cheer leaders in skimpy outfits jumping up and down along the touch line but the crowd usually ignore them hoping that they’ll go away.
Some Popular Football Clichés
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Football is a beautiful game
It’s a funny old game
S/he’s football crazy football mad
It's often a game of two halves and it's all about winning and scoring goals and as Brian Clough used to say: "it only takes a second to score a goal".
Football is played by a load of over paid plonkers with very low IQs (apart from Graham Le Saux).
Television
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Most people nowadays watch football on television.
Summary: It's a funny old game
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