| Product: |
General Comments / Tips Concerning Your Car |
| Date: |
14/10/05 (523 review reads) |
| Rating: |
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Advantages: Learn to drive over the internet with Ripoff Ltd's . . .
Disadvantages: . . . easy to follow 6 step driving plan . Drive safely and soberly !
Before You Start - obtaining access to the vehicle
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First, approach the car. Is everything there? Are there four tyres? Doors? Wing mirrors? If not, you have a problem. Please refer to your user manual, or call the helpline (calls cost 69p per minute off peak, 99p per minute all other times).
Now, find the door on the driver's side. This can be recognised by the round wheel-like thing in front of the chair. This is the Steering Wheel. This is often on the front, left side of the car, unless you are in a country where they drive on the left, in which case it will be on the front, right side of the car (unless the car has been imported from a country where they drive on the right. This can get confusing. I recommend that while you are enrolled in the course, you make sure the driver's side is on the correct side for the side of the road you are driving on).
Open the door. The method for doing this will depend on the car itself. The door apparatus is often operating by firmly gripping the handle with four fingers and pulling up. If in doubt, read the manual (which can be found in the glove box in the car).
If the handle does nothing, and the door still does not open the car is probably locked (unless the car is a Lada, in which case it's probably just broken. Try climbing in through a window). Find the key. This is a small device for locking and unlocking the car. Insert the key in the small hole near the handle and turn it (usually clockwise) until you hear a click or a clunk. Now pull the handle. Carefully enter the car, minding your head. Sit facing forwards so that the steering wheel is in front of you. Grasp the wheel firmly with both hands to ensure that you are seating correctly. If you are now seated behind the steering wheel, you have passed part one of this course! Congratulations.
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OK - you're in the car - now what?
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Take the key that you used to open the door. Is there another key on the key ring (the key ring is the thing that all the keys are hanging off)? If not, use the same key that you used to open the door - this will probably be the correct key. Put the key in the ignition. This is the keyhole either next to or on the steering column (the long bit that holds the steering wheel on the car). It may be on the right, it may be on the left. If it doesn't fit, try again - you may be trying to put the key in the cigarette lighter.
Make sure the car is in Neutral. If your car is a manual transmission (a stick with a knob at the end between the two front seats - it will often have a little diagram on it that looks a bit like a street grid map), the gear shift should be in the middle and a bit wobbly. If you have an automatic transmission, locate the gear changer. If you have an older American car, this is likely to be a lever on the side of the steering column. If not, it is likely to be between the two front seats - this is not to be confused with a manual transmission stick. Usually, the automatic transmission stick can only go forward and back, whereas a manual transmission stick can go all sorts of ways. Once you have found the gear changer, ensure that the little indicator (usually a little line) is pointing to the 'N'.
Now make sure the handbrake is engaged (on newer cars, this is also usually found between the two front seats - this can only go up and down, and often has a little button at the end - see above to avoid confusion with the gear stick).
Make sure you can see out of all windows of the car - have you removed the large bit of cardboard with a cute picture on the front? It is easy to recognise if you haven't - you won't be able to see out the front of the car. Remove this. Adjust your mirrors - you will find one above and to the right of your head if you in a country which drives on the right, and the opposite for the opposite (if you get my drift). There should be another two just outside the window to your right, and again on one to your left. NO - NOT LIKE THAT - you're not meant to be looking at yourself - adjust them so you can see behind you. Good.
Now turn the key you have put into the ignition, whilst lightly pressing on the long pedal (the gas pedal or accelerator) with your right foot. LIGHTLY. You should hear a loudish engine noise followed by a gentle hum. If you have managed to do all this, CONGRATULATIONS - you have passed part II of this correspondence course.
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Now the hard part - moving off
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IMPORTANT NOTE - these instructions assume you wish to go FORWARD (to go backwards please sign up for Advanced Passenger Car Driving - available by correspondence for just £99.99 plus shipping and handling.). Put the car in gear. If you are driving an automatic transmission, move the lever (see above) until the little line is pointing to 'D'. If you are driving a manual, look at the little road map (also see above). Press the clutch - the longish pedal on the floor all the way on the left with your left FOOT. Now hold it down. Move the gear stick appropriately so that you are in gear 1 (often this is up and to the left. But not always. Please read your user's manual.) DO NOT RELEASE THE CLUTCH UNTIL YOU ARE MOVING.
Now you can release the handbrake. If you are on a hill and driving a manual, ensure that you press the gas pedal lightly while carefully and slowly releasing pressure with your left foot on the clutch. Once you can hear the engine speed up a little, THEN may you release the handbrake. This step is not necessary if you are driving an automatic transmission.
To release the handbrake, pull it UP a little bit while pressing the little button on the end. Then put it ALL THE WAY down. If you are driving an automatic, the car should now start to slowly creep forward - do not be alarmed, this is supposed to happen. To go a bit faster, LIGHTLY press on the gas pedal. TO GO STRAIGHT, DO NOT turn the wheel in front of you (see steering wheel above). However, you may use the wheel GENTLY to ensure you are driving on the correct side of the road for your country.
CONGRATULATIONS - you have now mastered moving off and have passed Part III of this course.
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Turning
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When you reach an intersection (these are often shaped as crosses or Ts) where you can turn, gently turn the wheel. (Please note, if you are driving a manual transmission, you should by now have shifted into gear two using the clutch and the gear shift as described above. ALWAYS press the clutch BEFORE trying to change gear). The car should follow your turning motion. Once the front of your car is facing the intended direction, turn the wheel in the opposite direction you turned it in before so that it is once again straight. You may find it useful to affix a bit of tape to the top of the steering wheel, so that you can tell where the top is. You should now be going straight (see above) in the new direction. CONGRATULATIONS, you have now passed Part IV of this lesson.
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Stopping
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Now let's stop the car. Stopping is simple (in an automatic) - carefully press the left pedal with your right foot if you are driving an automatic transmission, or the centre pedal if you are driving a manual transmission (also known as a stick shift in the USA). IMPORTANT - if you are driving a manual transmission, as you slow down, ensure you depress the clutch with your left foot gently at the same time. Keep pressing until you come to a full stop. For manual transmission drivers, your left foot should be fully depressed on the clutch. If it is not, your car will stall and you will feel like you have hit something. If this happens, you will need to re-start the car (see above).
You should now be at a full stop. CONGRATULATIONS, you have now passed part V!
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YOUR DIPLOMA
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Dear Driver,
Congratulations on passing the Learn to Drive by Correspondence course. Assuming you have dutifully practised, and that your passengers have not yet keeled over from extreme fright, you are now ready to take your state or country sanctioned driving test*. Well done!
*Ripoff Courses Ltd makes no guarantee, either stated or implied, that you will pass your driving test. It also accepts no liability for any mishaps or accidents occurring as a result of following these directions. Remember, don't drink and drive and always be alert and drive carefully.
Summary: Learn to Drive by correspondence - step by step instructions for basic driving skills...allegedly
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