Is It Worth It? (Have you found love on the internet?)

Member Name: cbpotts

Product:	Have you found love on the internet?
Date:	23/10/01 (122 review reads)
Rating:

Advantages: Read and see.

Disadvantages: Again, judge for yourself.

Single, well built, very attractive, loves romantic movies, dining out, drinking wine, holding hands and walks in the moonlight.

Yeah, right. Does that sound familiar? Isn't that part of the profile of just about every person who chats via the Internet? Despite what you are about to read, I am not a cynical person. I suppose if I had been from the start with regard to love on the Internet, I wouldn't be as jaded as I am now and I would not have as negative opinion of chat portals like MSN Chat, Yahoo Chat or AOL (especially AOL).

I have always been one of those sincerely good kids. I never went to high school parties and drank, rarely ever stayed out past my curfew (and had a good reason if I did) and was for the most part an obedient child, respecting my parents wishes. It's sickening, isn't it? Because of this and a bunch of other things as a result of my attending the same church in which my father was VERY well known and respected, I was careful about who I dated. So while I had a few dates, I didn't have serious boyfriends throughout the majority of my twenties.

In 1995 my life changed on the day I inserted a floppy disk that said America Online Version 2.5 into my computer and hit "install." I became a part of the AOL community. It was during the days when you had to pay by the hour and my bills were horrendous. I sold a kidney, gave blood, begged on the streets, did anything to maintain the habit. Since I lived in North Carolina, I spent most of my time in the "North Carolina Room" on AOL. I'd like to tell you two stories about people I know personally and how Internet love changed their lives.

Case 1 – Married With Children
Beth was the wife of an Army officer who was kind, good looking and a very gentle man. They had two boys that were pretty much all American, athletic, polite and rambunctious. Beth worked as an executive for a program that aided very young ch
ildren in receiving help and encouragement before then entered the school system. They lived in a beautiful, big house with a lot of land and were happy. Then, one day Beth "met" than on AOL, in the Thirtysomething Room. Ethan lived in Massachusetts and had a wife and two children as well. I have no clue why Beth began talking with Ethan. I've heard it said that if a spouse starts putting feelers out in the bar scene, online chat rooms or other things, there are already problems at home. Now that I'm married, I think that's a load of…well, go see my op titled, "I Crap Bigger'n You" and you'll know exactly what I think that's a load of. If I have a problem with Doug, you know who the first person is that will hear about it? Yep; Doug, my husband. We've committed ourselves to making it work so that's what we'll do. That's why it's called marriage and they say til death do you part. Funny how that works.

Sorry, I keep digressing. Getting back on track, Beth and Ethan pooh-poohed over each other online for several months, always hiding that fact from their respective spouses. Then came the day that she received flowers at work from him and then phone calls. There's a big step between talking online and talking on the phone. It's still fantasyland and whomever you're talking too can still be 390 pounds, and as ugly as sin, but it's pretty huge. All of a sudden you have a voice to go with the words you're hearing. Finally, it inevitable and unfortunate happened. Beth went away for a weekend to meet Ethan somewhere between North Carolina and Massachusetts. She came home drifting on clouds. It was love. It was perfect. It was sublime. It wasn't reality. I hope everyone out there understand that if you ever DO meet an online somebody at a hotel for a weekend and it's a perfect thing, that is NOT reality. If you want reality, meet that person with your kids
(and don't let them rest after the long drive first), your cell phone, and the work pager. That's still not reality, but it's a step closer.

Digressed again, didn't I? Sorry about that. These clandestine meetings went on for several months until Beth's husband finally found out about them. While he was devastated, he still informed her of his love for her and asked her to break off the relationship with Ethan and work at mending their marriage. Ethan countered by leaving his wife and seeking a divorce, stating that he was doing it so Beth and he had a chance. Beth made the bad choice, left her husband, uprooted her two children and moved to Massachusetts and in with Ethan.

Today, Beth's unhappy. Ethan, it turns out, isn't what he appeared to me over the course of their nine-month long distance and online relationship. He's mean, unkind and abusive. Beth feels stuck since she doesn't make enough to move out on her own. Her children don't like being alone with Ethan and she's scared. Her husband has maintained contact but is remarried now and has moved on with his life. It's a sad situation.


Case 2 – Do You Talk to Strange Women?
Sophia was so very lonely. She had broken up with her boyfriend eight months ago and didn't know anyone in the town in which she lived. She didn’t like the bar scene. She had been a member of AOL at one time but had quit because of bad experiences. However, one evening as she contemplated suicide to end her loneliness, she decided that a worse thing to do would be to renew her AOL membership.

America Online made it so very easy for Sophia to pick up where she left off. They gave her back her old screen name and had the billing process all set up from when she had been a member before. She meandered through the chat rooms but couldn’t bring herself to enter them since she believed they were silly and worthless. How t
o meet someone though? How to find anyone out there that had the same interests as her? Amazingly, AOL had taken care of that too. What kind, wonderful people they are that work at AOL! Ok, so you’re adding sarcastic to the cynical nature, aren't you. It’s not nice to judge people, you know.

Sophia discovered the ability to do a people search and go through the vast database of users on America Online to find the perfect someone to chat with. She put in that she was interested in a man (go figure), in her hometown, around her age, single, with interests in reading, hiking and several other things. Slightly trembling in anticipation, she hit the enter button and waiting for the list of names to pop up. There were seven. Amazingly, one of the potential new friends was even online right then. His name, which surprised her greatly, was Meddled, close to the title of her absolute most favorite Pink Floyd album. Could it be? Was it possible that THIS was her perfect someone?

So, with bated breath, she click up an IM and typed, "Do you talk to strange women?" The response came back; "I don't know. How strange are you?" Giggles; joy. There was humor here! Sophia and Meddled chatted for a few minutes and then for a few minutes more the next day. That second day, Sophia went way out on a limb and offered her phone number to Meddled. He called and they had a nice, long conversation. Halfway through Meddled said, "This is silly, let's just meet for dinner."

An hour later, Sophia walked into the restaurant and saw a tall, handsome man walk towards her. He had amazingly clear blue eyes and a ready infectious smile. They ate, chatted and had a great time. Afterward they went to a bookstore and spent a long while browsing and talking about favorite authors. During the course of their conversation, it came out that Pink Floyd was indeed Meddled's favorite band.

Today Soph
ia is happy. After three and a half years of dating Meddled they were married. While AOL officially is the reason for them meeting, no relationship was developed online. Neither use America Online today.

In Conclusion
I only have two pieces of advice for people who use chat services. If you're married, stop it. I know there are a small number out there who are able to have a totally platonic and innocent chat with someone of the opposite sex online. If that's the case I still plead with you to stop because you don't really know what the person on the other end of the line is thinking and hoping. It's just not worth it.

The second piece of advice is to tread carefully. There are nice people on chat services. Case 2 proves it. Be wise, be careful and give your heart away slowly. Spend a long time living in the same town (but not the same house) as the person you've met online before doing anything life changing like marriage. Weekend meetings do not prove that you can live together.

I dislike chat services intensely. I think for the most part they do a lot more damage than they do good. I could tell you many more marriages and relationships that were ruined as a result of chats but this is already unbelievably long and I don't know if I'd read it if it wasn't mine (thanks for sticking through like you have). On the other hand, I owe my present happiness to online chat and AOL, because, if you haven’t guessed it yet...



...I'm Sophia and my husband, Doug is Meddled.

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