There's an old piano and they play it hot behind the green door. Don't know what they're doing..... (Helpful Advice for New Members)

Member Name: thedevilinme

Product:	Helpful Advice for New Members
Date:	17/10/09 (114 review reads)
Rating:

Advantages: Money and friends

Disadvantages: Bullying and censorship

Red: [narrating] I must admit I didn't think much of Andy Dufrasne first time I laid eyes on him; looked like a stiff breeze would blow him right over. That was my first impression of the man. His first night in the joint, Andy Dufresne cost me two packs of cigarettes. He never made a sound.

('The Shawshank Redemption' - 1994)

Dooyoo is like a romance, you love them a lot but you may not have a lot in common, perhaps attracted to the money, lifestyle and look rather than just wanting someone cozy to curl up with. At the moment I feel like I'm going through a painful divorce and the mediation isn't working. If we are still together next year then maybe all will be well and having great sex (lots of crowns!). But sometimes you just weren't meant to be. When my last ten film reviews failed to crown, the first time that has ever happened on dooyoo, you know the conniving wife is going to get the house.

As in life your value to dooyoo is on how much you respect the community and they respect you. If you want to lead in a room full of leaders you are quickly the villain or quickly the leader. If your quiet and don't write in peoples faces you will prosper here. This is my guide for those walking through the green doors for the very first time, although the regulars smoking 'ciggies' by the doors can read it too. Smoking is allowed in dooyoo by the way. I will be mentioning other dooyoo member names but before you start I will only mention them in a respectful way. Here is my A-Z for newbie's and oldies alike, littered with quotes from the world's most favourite film...

Red: These green walls are funny. First you hate 'em, then you get used to 'em. Enough time passes, you get so you depend on them. That's institutionalized.

Heywood: Sh*t. I could never get like that.

Prisoner: Oh yeah? Say that when you been here as long as the devil has.

Red: Goddamn right. They send you here for life, and that's exactly what they take. The part that counts, anyway.

- - - - - - -

A = Addiction

If you love to write and here for that reason alone then you will be addicted very quickly, everything you want to say a category for, your written style improving just as quick. If you are here to earn a few quid to help pay the bills by writing lots and lots of reviews then it will become a sweatshop, although beats filling in those bloody surveys. If you can write five good reviews a day then fair play. If you want to write 10 useless 150 word reviews then so be it. That churn pays for the crowns for the serious writers. Crowns, I remember those. It was in the summer of 1953 that Red last saw one...

B = Bruffyboy

He looks like Bono but doesn't annoy me by doing that. lol. Keep up the good work son.


C = Comments

You can comment on any writers work but be warned, you can't delete those comments, something dooyoo should introduce. If you get angry you may write something you regret or people who can get away with that will put one on your work you can't delete. Both of those things will happen here. There is a breed of members here who WILL look to take offence from something you have written, or take it out of context, on behalf of others. They are very irritating and will be the first to complain about your work on dooyoo. They get a kick out of it and you get a kick from dooyoo.

Never have two websites open at once where you are commenting as you may paste one up in the wrong place. I did just that when browsing a dating site two years back, a big hairy man talking about lawnmowers here not best impressed with my romantic patois. What Louise from London thought about the durability of Flymos is another story!

D = Dooyoo Lounge

It used to be called the Speakers Corner and was very popular, and still is to some extent. Writing in it at its rawest is empowerment by having your say... your way, but often the section to produce the most debates and arguments. Dooyoo haven't been supporting it of late with crowns although will crown certain reviews there if they can crowd the outside of the review with targeted ads. I'm the king of the Dooyoo Lounge with over 260 reviews and 40 crowns, 4 behind the current leader, Ken John, the Ned Flanders of dooyoo! Alas I have only received three SC crowns this year there, a victim of my own success, little reward for consistently being the best rater, commenter and most prolific writer in the section. Why encourage some one with crowns to write if they don't need encouragement. Most members seemed to like my risky reviews and so some guides and senior members took exception to that and shut me down as far as crowns go. Three years ago one Guide actually said to another that 'he's too popular so they wont throw him off', which in a way sums up the contradiction of dooyoo. If you try to be yourself and entertain you mark yourself out.

E = Express reviews

This one never really took off, why dooyoo introduced the silly 150 word, 50p review. You have the option to scribble down very quick reviews here but receive little payment.

F = Friends

Never judge a person by their opinions on here. Online personas are not their off-line personas (in most cases). Dooyoo is a great pace to find people you really get on with and also a place you may put people's noses out of place. There are a lot of big egos here. I have chatted with some sexy and fun people here, one or two very special to me, but most of the time I accept peoples online persona may not be their off-line persona, and hope others to distance the two so not to take too much offence for online critic.

Dooyoo operate a Circle of Friends thing that nobody really understands the point of and in some cases religious rating back of people on your list has resulted in people being thrown off for cartel rating, all very odd as the purpose of the site seems to be doing just that. I will be using it next week to list the hottest looking girls on here! Actually I won't because all the ones not on my list will complain about it.lol.

G = Guides

Andy Dufresne: I have no enemies here.
Red: Yeah? Wait a while. Word gets around. The Sisters have taken quite a likin' to you. Especially Boggs.

Some are good, some are not so good to me. Some let you write freely, some jump all over you when you have an honest opinion. That can be because dooyoos crappy text editor often doesn't allow you to post up supporting research and hyperlinks and so it can be hard to nail your argument in a way that doesn't offend. If you write on 'isms' like race, gender and sex then you will draw the ire of the more officious guides if your contentious, their dooyoo role often an extension of their careers, or the fact they may no longer have those jobs and stuck at home with the kids and so in need of some authority.lol. Dooyoo are very picky on who they allow to be a guide and its mystery why Paul Hanton hasn't allowed to be one. We didn't get on at first as he tried to express his authority from the off but he realised that perhaps that grates a little with some egos and he found his level and we get on fine now. That's the sort of guy I respect. But for some unknown reason they want give him a guiding role. If he isn't guide material then who is?

Whilst some members want the site to be too puritanical others want it to be more open. The latter rarely get guiding roles. Dooyoo are wary they may lose advertising if they allow too much free speech here, even though they have a Speaker's Corner, named after the corner in Hyde Park where you can legally debate anything. Yes I know, it's a shopping site, but SC is there so we should be bale to speak reasonably freely. My biggest critic of a small gaggle of guides is they make the most of dooyoos unflinching support for them and some get away with too much because of that.

H = Hurtful ratings

[Boggs sizes Andy up]
Boggs: Hey, anybody come at you yet? Anybody get to you yet?
[Andy looks at him in puzzlement]
Boggs: Hey, we all need friends in here. I could be a friend to you.
[Andy walks away]
Boggs: Hey... Hard to get. I like that...

Dooyoo has recently asked us to be more pedantic with our ratings. When you rate a review you not only express your thoughts on that persons work and ego but place their review in a list on site based on its rating. I only ever used to rate 'Very Useful' and 'Useful', anything less just didn't get a rate from me. It avoided the ire of other members moaning about my Somewhat Useful and Not Useful ratings. When you realise dooyoo operate a crazy system where just by clicking on a review the writer gets a royalty you may as well rate it whilst your there is the attitude. If you area new member you should rate everything. I always feel guilty wasting Dooyoos money with Not Useful ratings on churn. Well I have embraced dooyoos call for more accurate ratings and already started to receive lots of revenge rates for my new regime which, ironically, just drives both reviews down the list, so cancels out the old style of ratings. The irony for me by following the new guidelines it has produced revenge rates and complaints, Somewhat Usefuls far more common on my work now. I have quickly reverted back to VU or Useful to avoid the hassle. It's odd really as dooyoo introduced the 50p for churn system yet want to increase accurate rating on site. How do you rate 150 words other than the lowest two rates?

You will, of course, receive Not Usefuls and Somewhat Usefuls from members out of common spite or they just don't agree with your opinions or arguments. Or indeed they could well be accurate rates as your works in the wrong place or something. I accidentally put my Crank 2 review in the wrong place (Blue-Ray) and so have to take the SUs for the minor technical err, although it's a bit obvious that slightly sharper colour is the only difference between the two formats. Did the two members who SU`d me mark down other film reviews for not including DVD extras when they are and extras packed DVD? It's a fair question. If I marked down a guide for not including special features with SU it would be all out war and another complaint going in from them no doubt. If you're a new member I'm afraid to say its best to mark safe rather than pedantic or you will draw fire.

The fabled Guides will mark you down for pedantic mistakes too as they have to be extra critical to set the bar, which in most cases I agree with - some will do it because they know they can get away with it though. Dooyoo back their guides to the hilt so don't tangle with them by repeating that rate back. They are the law here. If you rate senior members what they consider down you may also get told off by them. Some guides have rated me down knowing I'm in no position to complain. From now on I will be reporting them if they have no reason to do it. I'm tired of this ambiguity.

dooyoo: Rule 4 -4. Rate reviews honestly, and read all reviews properly before making your rating.

"If you develop a pattern of rating anyone who gives you a negative rating in the same way, this is called "revenge rating" and is also against the site rules. We definitely want you to be honest in your ratings - don't be afraid to use the full range of rating buttons - but make sure that your rating truly reflects your genuine opinion of how useful the review is and is not influenced by ratings that member gave your reviews"

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New members should look at it like they are the Tim Robbins-Andy Dufresne character going into Shawshank and I'm the Morgan Freeman, 'Red' of dooyoo who has seen it all, good and bad. Just lay low and behave until you are around long enough to bend the rules like Red does. Find out who the bullies are and who the cool people are and pick your gang.

I = Intelligence and integrity

You have to be smart on dooyoo to make good money. Yes you can bang out five, 150 word reviews a day and pick up your £15 quid a week. But eventually your ego will take over and the need to want to write well will win out. There are some that have been here for two years or more and still effectively churning it out but they have less respect than those who have come on leaps and bounds.

J = Junk writing

As a rule I feel you should use a word processor to write your stuff out and then post up. Too many 150 word reviews look like they have been 'texted in' by Vicky Pollard and I hate pressing on them knowing that person gets paid. I know its easy money to bang out 150s on-line but at least try and make that 300 after your first week or so.

K = Karimkha

Say no more. On behalf of all the hot blooded males here you can't get sexier than a very intelligent Latina that writes amazing reviews in English. High Karimkha!

L= League Tables

If you go the community page and then look on your left hand side you will see a blue link labelled Writers and Reviews. That drop down will tell you who gets the crowns, who is rating and commenting the most and other interesting stats. Be warned if you top the most ratings a month list they will have the stop watch on you.
This facility came around to shut up members like me moaning about the transparency of stuff like where the crowns go and how much certain members are rating and where etc. It makes the site much more democratic and by far the best innovation here for ages. Old big mouth is miles clear at the top of the all-time comments list.lol.

M = Money!

No other opinion site or survey site pays cash. Few pay Amazon Vouchers for so little effort either. Protect that treat by not getting booted off, especially in recession. You can claim cash when you hit 50,000 dooyoo miles, which takes top writers between 30-40, 1000 + word reviews to accrue, or churners a mere 100 x 150 word reviews at 50p!

N = Nominations

Andy Dufresne: It's called Bad luck. It floats around. It's got to land on somebody. It was my turn, that's all. I was in the path of the tornado. I just didn't expect the storm would last as long as it has.

As a non guide you are almost penalised for nominating other reviews in the section you have just written in as it decreases your chances of crowning, effectively saying that review is better than mine. They have to 'nom' back equal or better reviews in the section for the system to work. Not enough people seem to bother to nominate and so the guides nomination becomes the most relevant, reviews unlikely to crown now without a guides nom. We need dooyoo to start listing nominations under reviews. I understand dooyoo want to highlight certain products by crowing the first half decent review that comes along on that product (you have all seen those reviews!) and also support there guides. What I don't like is them ignoring the will of the community and not crowning reviews that have been heavily nominated. I remember our excellent film writer 'Prakispark' got about 15 nominations in the comments section and getting nothing. That person has put a lot of work into their reviews and getting less reward than a petulant churner a day. Again, listed nominations next to the ratings would help. I'm getting to the point in thinking what the point of nominations is if so many crowns are predetermined if you like. I want to know that when I spend three hours on my stuff it means something. 65% of the members who crowned on this week crown rotation crowned on last weeks, regardless of what they wrote on. That feels lazy by dooyoo.

O= Over rating on dooyoo.

Andy Dufresne: You know what the Mexicans say about the Pacific?
Red: No.
Andy Dufresne: They say it has no memory. That's where I want to live the rest of my life. A warm place with no memory.


There's no need to rate as many reviews as possible in the day anymore. You get 50p for writing your review and 30 rates will see you a quid per review in nearly all sections. In the bad old days when the site was quiet you had to over rate to get nay sort of revenue. That over-rating made dooyoo busier and more profitable but they didn't see it that way. You MUSNT rate ALL your mates' reviews as that is cheating in my opinion. Anyone who knows me no I don't rate back much and just stick to film and speakers corner. I just rate in those busy two sections so everyone gets to know the devil and his comments. The devils comments are never meant to be offensive but only cheeky. Mix your rates up and try and get those you have rated to respect your work.

P = PMCDS

This is our telecoms and music guide, a real character when it comes to his prolific writing, soon to be top of the pile for most reviews ever written. He's on 1630 reviews at the time of writing this and chasing down Frankingsteins 1743. Frankie abandoned writing for crowns (which he was the best at once) and cashed in on dooyoos 50p thing for short reviews. I'm not sure if that was dooyoo intention but we lost a prolific crown writer that day.

Dooyoo guide PMCDs joined in the winter of 2008 and has written over 1600 reviews in 660 days, including 595 film reviews and read and reviewed 393 books and magazines as soon as the DVD popped out of the player, just enough time to watch and review 160 TV programs whilst listening to 111 CDs. Then, after a cuppa, another 400 reviews on all manner of subjects to top it off, with 20,000 ratings of his own on other members as part of his guide duties as the icing on the cake. Then he repeats it all on ciao! This is phenomenal opinion site writing. But he is the model member now, able to go from early churn when he first joined in January last year to prolific but concise longer reviews to get crowns, perhaps the first new generation dooyoo guide, effectively dooyoos perfect member. It's a lucrative way to earn on dooyoo and the way I may soon chose to go (minus the guide bit of course!). Is there any point in banging out long reviews anymore if your going to be pi**ing in the wind chasing crowns? I just wrote a 700 word film review and it felt great! 45 out of 45 Very Usefuls too!

Q = Queries

If you want to ask dooyoo guides or any other members a question then just press 'message me' on their accounts. To talk to dooyoo you need to go to the community page and the press 'contact the dooyoo team'. They may take 24 hours but if you need to know you need to know!

R = Rewards

Brooks: [to Andy] Son, six wardens have been through here in my tenure, and I've learned one immutable, universal truth: Not one of them born whose butt wouldn't pucker up tighter than a snare drum when you ask them for funds.

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The more I adapt to dooyoos mentality of writing safer and so less honest, cutting back on my flirting and trying more topics to write on, the fewer crowns I get. My previous style was getting me one-in-five reviews crowned and so I kept doing it. Now I get one in every three months! I have written my lap top and cell phone reviews as requested and will hold back on my cosmetic reviews for now (I prefer rouge and a dark eye-liner if you're asking!) I'm scratching my head what to do next. I'm not the only one to hit this politically correct nose flattening wall and if you can't write what your public wants you to then you get confused and lose confidence.

As for actually getting your rewards envelope it would be a close run race between the Post Office and dooyoo to see who could take the longest to get your cheque from A-B, both blaming each other these days. It is unclear why it takes dooyoo a minimum of two weeks to get your cheque in the box. Well like the Post Office-it isn't working guys! The Amazon vouchers are much more prompt, and now is the time to use them as Christmas approaches. But if you think the above will take time to muck up your order then good luck with Amazon getting your parcel on time.lol.

S = Suggestions

"Let me tell you something my friend. Hope is a dangerous thing. Hope can drive a man insane"

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The time it takes for new suggestion has always been an issue. If you do the odd one you don't really mind how long it takes but if you are prolific then you can get ratty. Some people make 50 requests a month!

If you are new and don't know how to do post up new links then press your account hyperlink and then press product suggestions on the left. Then cut n paste the relevant links (Amazons website if you can). Hold the mouse pointer over the image and right click and cut n paste the image link on to the dooyoo image request column. Do the same in the address bar for the product page of the website you're getting the product from. Don't be intimidated you don't know how to make new suggestions. Email me and I will talk you through it if you are still struggling.

T = Topical and titles

Keep your review fresh and relevant. Include stuff that's happening now. If a celeb is advertising that product stick the name in and it will feature much higher in the google lists, Google looking for that name, no doubt increasing your crown chances. We had a review on the X Box crown last week, barely 700 words, but all the keywords there. Bang! Job done. You have to be savvy on dooyoo. It's not so much about the length of the review but the information in it and getting that over to the punter. Some of the writers are brilliantly clued into that whilst others are not so.

U = Uncensored

Red: [narrating] I have no idea to this day what those two Italian ladies were singing about. Truth is, I don't want to know. Some things are best left unsaid. I'd like to think they were singing about something so beautiful, it can't be expressed in words, and makes your heart ache because of it. I tell you; those voices soared higher and farther than anybody in a gray place dares to dream. It was like some beautiful bird flapped into our drab little cage and made those walls dissolve away, and for the briefest of moments, every last man in Shawshank felt free.

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Free speech is everything to me and the only reason I write. It was the speakers corner bit that attracted me here. If dooyoo don't want as many controversial reviews then why don't they dump that section? The answer is that it's popular with regular members (Guides not so keen on the section on the whole and always playing safe) and so they have to keep it, recently upgrading it to the 'Dooyoo Lounge' (much posher than the Ciao Café!).

Increasing rules on the outside (that's the real world with wind and rain) mean you have to go online to have your say to avoid some sort of 'on the spot fine' in this increasingly ridiculous nanny state. Sadly I can't advise new members to go down that line here as you will eventually be marginalized by the puritans who want that nanny state to seep online if you are forthright with your opinions. You can never write anything honest without offending someone and that someone is here and ready to pull you up. It's your own choice to write 'safe' or aggressive but remember there's no going back once you chose. Steer clear of opinions on sexuality, race and sexism here. You may get hammered for it from those groups, especially the last one. Those guys and girls are very powerful online in this PC world. The braver you are in life the more cowardly your detractors will be.

V = Very Useful

Dooyoo tell us that 95% of rates on site are Very Useful, which I just can't work out how they come up with that percentage. More than 15% of the reviews here are unrated or very low rated churn for a start. Yes some members just rate back a member with the same rating and that should be a suspending offence but gain if dooyoo openly encourage churn with generous financial reward then what do they expect? Don't rate back someone with a VU if you think it will get you another VU. That's not on.

W = Winter

Red: [narrating] I have to remind myself that some birds aren't meant to be caged. Their feathers are just too bright. And when they fly away, the part of you that knows it was a sin to lock them up DOES rejoice. Still, the place you live in is that much more drab and empty that they're gone. I guess I just miss my friend

Winter is the time to write, especially in recession. When I first joined dooyoo back in 2001 I WROTE 100 WORDS IN BLOCK CAPITALS ON THE FILM BOWFINGER AND IT WAS VERY EMBARRASING. I still have no English qualifications or formal journalistic training and cant spell or punctuate for toffee but, amazingly, I write professionally for money on cricket for my local paper and many websites. I recently did half the Twenty20 programme for Finals Day as my team Northants made the final. If I had not got involved with dooyoo then that wouldn't have happened and writing may not have been my passion. You don't know what you're good at in life until you have lived it. Don't ever let anyone put you down if you have a passion for something. A year from now some of you churners reading this will be dooyoo stars! Everyone has a writer in them.

X = XXXX


Sex sells reviews on dooyoo! 64% of all hits on-line are sex related and so your review will bring in punters to dooyoo if you use the word sex (or worse) in it. When I write I try to include something topical in my reviews that will drag in punters off the Google machine, even if it's not that relevant to my review. I do it for dooyoo not me. People moan I drift off topic but there is a reason. My Nick Cage angle (he's broke!) should have been seen for what it is on my Knowing review. He had to sell his house in Somerset last week :<

Y = You were Thanked.

An interesting development on site is dooyoo have listed the number of times external readers, what this site is supposed to be about, have read and thanked us for our reviews, around 27,000 times month right now. As I said before the idea is to keep your review topical and so high in those Google lists so punters can actually find and read them. You will never get a film review higher than page 10 but you can if you add a contemporary angle to it and the film is less known. But general products like hairdryers and cosmetics, niche written on topics, we can feature high in lists and so no surprise dooyoo are throwing crowns at reviews on the first Google page.

Z = Zebra

I believe she was the first ever member on dooyoo and earned big bucks quick. It was five pence a read back in 2000 and it was very easy to crown, 500 words enough, because no one else was writing. Take a peak and have a chuckle.


Red: [narrating] I wish I could tell you that Andy fought the good fight, and the Sisters let him be. I wish I could tell you that - but dooyoo is no fairy-tale world. He never said who did it, but we all knew. Things went on like that for awhile - dooyoo life consists of routine, and then more routine. Every so often, Andy would show up with fresh bruises. The Sisters kept at him - sometimes he was able to fight 'em off, sometimes not. And that's how it went for Andy - that was his routine. I do believe those first two years were the worst for him, and I also believe that if things had gone on that way, this place would have got the best of him....

Summary: Dooyoo is loosing its edge