Shhhhhh! Kay here, your intrepid reporter. I'm situated outside the secret Dooyoo Community Centre doing an undercover, though fully clothed, investigation and you've joined me just at the right time. I'll have to whisper so as I won't be discovered. I only hope I can remain reasonably quiet, for a change, when the excitement and tension builds.

There they are! Oh wow! So beautiful, so innocent looking. Just look at their sparkly eyes filled with hope and expectation. Oh gosh, this is so moving. I feel honoured to be watching but must somehow contain my composure. They are now right in front of me. Wo-o-w-w! I can almost touch them. There are three of them. Three perfectly formed Dooyoo Newbies. Oh yesss!

The three Newbies are moving together almost in unison and are being given names. The all powerful Dooyoo is investing them into the community with his electronic click. They shall in future be known as: Money-one, Superior-one and Nice-one. In the twinkling of an eye I watch in amazement as they move forward through the Portals of Opinion into a new existence. How will they react? What will they do? Being a mistress of disguise I have slipped in with them, unnoticed, and will be able to keep a watchful eye on them. I'll let you know how they progress.

But what's this? Oh my goodness. I can't believe this is happening and right in front of me. Is it legal? Money-one is moving his fingers furiously and he's ... he's ... I'm not sure if I can say this live on air, it's not really very nice. Avert your eyes if you are squeamish or under eighteen. Money-one is churning, he's definitely churning! What is he thinking? I suppose he must really believe that other members want to see this.

He's like a man possessed. Gulp! He's churning faster and faster, one, two, three, four, five, six ... He's definitely prolific. But there's no substance t
here. They are just quickies soon to be forgotten and lost in the Dooyoo Wilderness. What a shame, what a waste. If only he'd take his time to write one really good, quality Opinion. It would then satisfy the waiting multitude that lusts and waits to feed on fresh, tasty Newbie outpourings.

Slipping into something more comfortable, a funny hat and whispy beard, I now creep up on Superior-one. He's tapping away on his word processor with a very smug expression on his face. He's talking to himself, let's have a listen: "Ha ha! Wait till they see my superior talent and knowledge of this obscure subject. They'll realise how ultra intelligent I really am. Ha ha! I am so clever. Everyone will rate me and I will become a Crowned King. I don't need friends or to lower myself reading inferior garbage. My talent is enough Ha ha!" Gosh! I nearly choke on his words as I do a quick change once more - this time combing my hair straight and looking a little severe, but pensive, in my black and white outfit. I'm off to seek out Nice-one.

I can't find her. Strange, she's not writing yet. Where can she be? Oh there she is, just leaving the special Community Reference Sector. She has been taking advice and studying hints and tips on how to create good Opinions before writing her own. She looks to be very friendly, chatting to people as she moves about. She's also thanking members who have helped her by scattering little comments everywhere. I expect she'll start writing now. But, no!

Nice-one is sitting at her computer reading other members words instead. She must have a thirst for even more knowledge. As she reads she's clicking on her special rating button distributing 3p's (previously 5p's) to everyone she meets. Isn't that sweet? Oh, she's laughing as she reads another opinion. She seems to be having a good time and lots of fun. But what's this?
She's started crying now, tears are rolling down her cheeks. She must have been greatly moved by something she has seen. Obviously Nice-one can't have realised the diversity of the secret knowledge within Dooyoo - from the sublime to the ridiculous, the funny to the heart-breaking. She's looks to be genuinely glad that she can give encouragement to other members by rating their contributions and leaving her fragrant comments.

One month later:

I've sneaked about and discovered lots of interesting things within the secret Dooyoo Community Centre. I've met a King who has a giraffe, a chicken that's a bit cheeky, an uncle, a photographer with a shiny head, a nice lady who lives on chocolate, a man in a very strange world, one who loves music, another films and several experts on computer games and travel and whiskey and ... all sorts of things. There are girls from Grimsby, Belfast and Glasgow and from somewhere called Shopping. So many lovely people, too many to mention. Enough of all this. Let me get you up to speed, as us reporters say, with the three Newbies I have been following while cunningly disguised.

Money-one has got out of his dirty habit. I'm pleased to report that he is now churn free. He's listened to a few of the Grumpy Goblins, who roam parts of Dooyoo, and now writes quite detailed opinions on things that he really knows about. He doesn't like reading though, so not very many people rate his offerings. He gets more visitors than he did but not sufficient for his liking.

Superior-one is turning into one of the Grumpy Goblins, I think he has aspirations to become their leader. He hasn't many friends and thinks it is beneath him to read, what he calls, inferior opinions (to his). He has even made a savage attack on Nice-one and called her hurtful names like 'not useful' when all of her friends compliment her and say she is 'very useful'. He's
not a happy man. Things haven't gone as well as he expected especially in relation to, what he considers, his own exceptional talent.

Ah but Nice-one is bursting out of her Wonderbra with happiness. She has sent away to the Big Dooyoo Chiefs for her first cheque in payment for all of the miles she has travelled. She has a had a few 'downs', like the attack by Superior-one and another Goblin. It seems they aren't happy because of all of the miles she has achieved so quickly. She was also hit by a Revenging Gnome who rated some of her work low, when quite clearly it wasn't. But other than the Goblins and Gnomes she has enjoyed every minute of her new life within the Dooyoo Community Centre. She has learnt not to let anyone upset her as there are so many, many wonderful Dooyoo Friends everywhere she looks.

Three months later:

I really love this place, it's all cosy and ... but that's not important. You no doubt want to know what's happened to the Newbies.

Money-one is doing a bit better. He hasn't enough miles for a cheque yet but things are looking up. He's come to appreciate that friends are important in all walks of life so he's rating his friends regularly. He may well have seen the light and it's nice to see him enjoying himself now.

Superior-one has stormed off in a huff leaving the Community forever. They didn't appreciate his talents.

Nice-one is still bubbling away happily and gets a cheque every month. I'm hoping that I'll be able to do an in depth interview with her. That's as soon as I fling off my latest disguise and she sees that I'm just a reporter, in a thong, doing a job that someone has to do. Here she comes now, nearly as pretty as her picture.

SK (that's me): "Isn't it a bit unfair, Nice-one, that you have received cheques while Money-one and Superior-one haven't. Do you sleep with the Do
oyoo Gods or something?"

NO (that's Nice-one): "Oh Kay, you are funny, I love that sexy top. I certainly don't 'sleep' with them - wink, wink - a little joke I thought you'd appreciate. No, seriously, we all start off exactly the same, so it's up to our own efforts as to how successful we become."

SK: "OK then, lets get right to the nub of it. How do you become successful and make money with Dooyoo?"

NO: "There's no real big secret ..."

SK: "... well go on then and tell me ..."

NO: "... If you shut up I will. (1) Write the best Opinions that you can, take your time over them, perhaps two or three a week. (2) Read as many of other members Opinions as possible (not just your friends) - and don't forget to rate them and (3) Leave lots of helpful comments."

SK: "Well go on then tell me the secret."

NO: "I just have, that's it! Are you sure you're a reporter?"

SK: "That's it? Really? Mmmm! I reckon I could do that and get a cheque every month. Goddam it, I think I will."

And that's a true(ish! - well not very) story of how I came to join Dooyoo. If you are a Dooyoo Newbie - Nice-one!

;-> Kay

P.S. Or there again, just forget the money and vouchers and simply enjoy Dooyoo. Be warned though, whatever you do, it can become highly addictive.