Not An Easy Decision. (Homelessness and street begging)

Member Name: Cattycat

Product:	Homelessness and street begging
Date:	09/12/01 (64 review reads)
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Advantages: None.

Disadvantages: Obvious!

This it is about my current family situation and how my step brother could be spending Christmas on the streets. Now you may think "How awful?" but most of my family believe it is a situation entirely created by himself. What would you do? Please comment if you have any advice.

10 years ago my parents divorced, and it was for the best. Both lovely people but not right as a couple. Just very different in outlook, personalities and future aspirations. They are now good friends. My mum met her now husband within a year of divorcing my dad and moved into his home taking me and my brother. We also inherited a step-brother, who was 11 years old at the time.

I shall call my step brother Tom (not his real name). I lived with my mum and new family for a year before going to university and in that time my mum had huge problems with Tom. I know that most people have problems with step-family members - it can be traumatising and unsettling when families split and re-create. His behaviour to my mum was apalling but she put it down to the "new situation". Things got worse when Tom entered his teens. He would blatantly disrespect my mum, verbally abuse her and was impossible to discipline. Being my step-dad's only child, he was reluctant to accept that Tom's behaviour was out of control, so it caused rifts in their relationship. Tom was very devious and would play my mum and step-dad off aginst each other, ie. would be abusive to my mum when my step-dad was at work but nice as pie when he was about. So when my mum complained to my step-dad about his behaviour he thought my mum was making it up or exaggerating.

When Tom was about 15 -16 he started taking drugs - from what we know, cannabis and other "soft" drugs. He began to turn violent against my mum, smashing up the house and threatening her. Items around the house went missing, like CDs, and he would bring in a crowd of dodgy friends during the day when my mum was
at work, often forgetting to lock the front door or leaving the gas rings on. He had weapons in his bedroom and my mum would often phone me in tears fearing for her life. But when his dad was about he was as quiet as a mouse.

There came a stage where my mum had enough and gave my step-dad an ultimatum - take Tom to his mothers or the marriage is over. It looked like they were going to split, but Tom slipped up when my step-dad caught him red-handed threatening my mum. My step-dad instantly told Tom to leave and took him to his mother's house. My mum vowed that he would never ever live with them again.

In the last 2 years Tom has mainly been resident at his mother and step-dad's house. Occasionally he has stayed with his sisters, but even they have seen his nasty streak and kicked him out. My mum and step-dad have rarely seen Tom. He doesn't phone very often and rarely turns up when he says he will.

Last week Tom's step-dad had enough of his behaviour and kicked him out. For the last week he has been staying at various friends. He is unemployed, has no money, no home, and he is 19 years old.

He is now asking to live back with my mum and step-dad. My mum has said a big definite "NO!". She has spoken to me in tears as she is scared what would happen if he came back. She is so frightened she has said she will leave if he does return. She knows that Tom is my step-dad's only child and it is natural that he doesn't want him on the streets, but as far as she can see he hasn't changed a single bit and can't cope with him.

It is causing a huge rift between my mum and step-dad, my step-dad is becoming unwell with the stress of his son becoming homeless.... but Tom is still the same. He can't be bothered to phone his dad, has been kicked out by his own mother and his sisters won't even have him.


Now, I know being homeless is a dreadful state to be in, but Tom has cre
ated the situation for himself. He has had good homes, family, work with decent wages .. but he seems to have a self-destructive personality. He has had numerous jobs. He got sacked from one for theft. I know divorce can be blamed for his behaviour, but at 19 years old surely he has some responsibilty for his actions. Maybe being homeless will make him realise what he had and will show a little more respect in the future towards his family. Or maybe it will be the start of a deeper downfall into drink, drugs and death.

I know my mum very well and I know that if Tom lives with her again she will not cope with it, but at the same time I know that if Tom isn't sorted out, my step-dad will become ill with worry. He already suffers from angina. It could kill him.

What would you do? Please help!!

UPDATE:

It is now Jan 14th. On Xmas Day Tom was very fortunate in that his sister offerd him shelter. Within 2 weeks he had smashed the place up and verbally abused her. He is now on the street again - it appears that no help from his family is good enough.

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