| Product: |
How to Discipline Children |
| Date: |
23/03/06 (686 review reads) |
| Rating: |
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Advantages: A great feeling of achievement
Disadvantages: Social decline, stress
When our first child poked his little head into the world it was a feeling of immense joy and happiness - and at the same time a certain amount of trepidation.
By the time our son was 18 months old we realised that we needed an effective method of disciplining him when the need arose and like many others, we made mistakes before arriving at what we think are good methods of discipline.
When I was a child, my mother would use a wooden hairbrush to smack me with which hurt like hell but had the desired effect in stopping me from repeating whatever mistake had prompted the beating, however, over time it filled me with resentment towards my mother.
My wife and I decided that a slap on the bum with the palm of our hand would suffice and so we used this method with our young son - but it didn't work. In fact it made him even more defiant just as I myself had felt all those years ago and so I soon realised that this was a bad idea.
Eventually we came across a few methods which we found to be very successful - not ALL of the time but 95% of the time which is close enough.
Remember that you should not resort to a punishment immediately - you should give a warning along the lines of "please stop doing that, it is naughty and you could hurt yourself - if you do it again you will be punished" (or words to that effect).
~~ Method 1 ~~
THE NAUGHTY STEP
The bottom step of the staircase was designated as the "naughty step" in our house.
If our son misbehaved and ignored the warnings then he was made to sit on the naughty step in silence for 4 minutes - an absolute age when you are not quite 2 years old.
If he messes around then add an extra minute ....
~~ Method 2 ~~
REWARDS
To avoid the weekly shopping nightmare we let our children know beforehand that if they are good then we will have a special treat for dinner or go somehere nice, etc
The important message being that the reward has already been reserved so don't lose it by being naughty.
We found that this works very well and so have never had many problems when shopping.
Interestingly, the times when the kids do misbehave at the shops is usually when we have had a particularly long shopping trip and both my wife and I are also feeling a little stressed.
So if the kids are young then keep the shopping trips short.
~~ Method 3 ~~
JOINT RESPONSIBILITY
My son and daughter regularly fought over the TV channel and which programme they wanted to watch so we told them that neither of them had the right to choose over the other and that they should "agree" on a programme that they both wanted to watch.
If they continued to argue then the TV was either turned off or we (the adults) chose a programme instead ensuring that the kids would probably not be interested in our viewing choice.
These days, the kids have voluntarily adopted a process where they effectively take it in turns to watch each other's favourite programmes.
~~ Method 4 ~~
TRAFFIC LIGHTS / POCKET MONEY
Now that our kids are older (9 and 7) we use a "traffic light" system which is linked to their weekly pocket money.
Take an A4 piece of paper and draw or print out 3 circles coloured like taffic lights - green at the bottom, amber in the middle and red on top.
Make a small nametag for each child and each adult in the house and place on the green traffic light (use blu-tac).
For misbehaving once the child's name is placed on amber for 1 full day and that child loses 10 pence from his/her pocket-money for the week.
If the child misbehaves again, the child ascends to red and loses another 10 pence.
After 1 full day the child is moved back to green again.
This is am amazing way to control your child's behaviour and it is surprising how your kids will know exactly how much pocket money they have lost.
You can tailor the rules - lose 20p instead of 10p for example. In our house if a child is on red on Sunday then they don't get their pocket-money until the following day.
Don't forget though that the adults can also be moved up the traffic light !!
My daughter regularly places me on red if she sees too many beer cans left over from Saturday night.
Of course, I don't lose any pocket-money but it shows that you are involved in the process.
~~ Top Tips ~~
In our experience we have found that a number of decisions we have made make a big difference to the way in which our children behave, such as :-
- limit the amount of TV time and encourage other interests
instead (board games, playing in the garden, etc).
- explain why the child is being disciplined so that they
understand what they have done wrong and don't do it again.
- lead by example !! if you swear then don't be surprised
when your kids repeat it.
- don't over-react, gauge the severity of your child's
actions so that you can apply an appropriate punishment.
~~ Why Bother ? ~~
Because as a parent it is your duty to raise your children with good manners and respect for others - simple.
It is heartwarming to hear people tell you how well-behaved your children are and makes you realise that you are doing the right thing.
I look at the social problems of today - the baseball cap and tracksuit chav brigade hanging out in the shopping centre - and can't help feeling that it is caused by a lack of parental control.
Indeed some of the parents are worse than the kids themselves.
As you are reading this, do you know what your kids are up to right now ?
Personally, we'd rather teach our children good manners from the start so we can at least know that we did our best no matter how they turn out when they are older.
And hopefully, they will love us for it rather than resenting the discipline like I did.
Summary: Read this now - do as you are told !!
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