Will it ever end????? (How to Discipline Children)

Name: keak123

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Product:	How to Discipline Children
Date:	19.05.06 (1565 review reads)
Rating:

Advantages: Not alot

Disadvantages: Not much sleep

If you think you have read this before!!!! I am not copying anyones work, I have also posted this review on Ciao....same log in name.

I am a mum of a 14 year old son with ADHD, Aspergers and Tourettes syndrome. I know a lot of you reading this review will think the title is very harsh, but although I do feel like he is that child, I also love him very very much. Some of the things in this review may not be to everyone's liking, but please remember I am writing this from my heart.....

The causes…….
ADHD stands for Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder.
The cause of ADHD is unknown, and there are likely to be a number of factors involved. Some studies have shown that parts of the brain are not working as they should.
There is a strong genetic element; so many children with ADHD have another family member with the same problem.
These factors can interact with other mental problems such as an anxiety disorder and a stressful family environment. This can worsen the behavioural and emotional symptoms of ADHD

Some of the thing that Dr's look for are:
Difficulty sticking to any tasks or completing tasks.
Easily distracted and very often forgetful.
Runs about all the time.
More difficulty sustaining concentration when engaged in practical or play activities.

Does not seem able to get hold of themselves and the set task sufficiently to be able to organize their thoughts and plan a reasonable plan of action, yet they do understand what is expected of them when questioned about the task.

Routine tasks are often forgotten, leading to frustration in those who have to manage the child, who may complain of the child deliberately avoiding routine tasks.
Social skills are weak, using few appropriate strategies to join conversation or play beyond barging in.


Boys are more likely to be diagnosed with ADHD but girls also have this condition.



Aspergers Syndrome

Social interaction - naive, inappropriate one sided interaction
Communication - poor non verbal communication
Narrow Interests / Preoccupation's
Repetitive routines / rituals, inflexibility
Lack of empathy
Little or no ability to form friendships
Intense absorption in certain subjects
Clumsy and ill coordinated movements and odd postures


Children with Asperger's Syndrome have poor social skills. They are not able to understand simple things, how to take turns, how to let others pick the game they want to play, or the TV program they want to watch. This makes it very difficult for these children to make friends, and keep them. Other children of the same age find these children very hard work, very bossy, very demanding, so they move on to other friends who are less demanding.
This can lead to frustration and subsequent behaviour problems. They find the world a confusing place. They are often alone, some are happy like this, others are not. Their naivety can cause them to be bullied and teased.

Some things that may help children with Aspergers.

•Keep all your speech simple - to a level they understand.
•Keep instructions simple ... for complicated jobs use lists or pictures.
•Only give one instruction at a time if you can.
•Try to get confirmation that they understand what you are talking about/or asking - don't rely on a stock yes or no answer..
•Limit any choices to two or three items.
•Limit their 'special interest' time to set amounts of time each day if you can.
•Use turn taking activities as much as possible, not only in games but at home too.
•Pre-warn them of any changes,
•Try to build in some flexibility in their routine, if they learn early that things do change and often without warning - it can help.
•Don't always expect them to 'act their age' they are usually immature and you should make some allowances for this.
•Try to identify stress triggers - avoid them if possible -be ready to distract them.
•Find a way of coping with behaviour problems - perhaps trying to ignore it if it's not too bad, hugging sometimes can help or try and distract them with something else. Promises and threats you make will have to be kept - so try not to make them too lightly.
•Let them know that you love them - wart's an' all' - and that you are proud of them.
•Remember, they are children just like the rest, they have their own personalities, abilities, likes and dislikes - they just need extra support, patience and understanding from everyone around them.


Tourettes syndrome.
The physical disorder of the brain which causes these involuntary movements (usually called motor tics) is not fully understood. Motor tics can occur in any part of the body. They can include shoulder shrugging, eye blinking, head jerking, hand movements, lip-licking, facial grimacing and more. The most typical onset period is around the age of seven.

It was not until the 1970's that Tourette syndrome was first diagnosed to be a genetic disorder, one that is caused by an alteration in the general makeup of the chromosomes or genes.
Common vocal tics include sniffing, throat clearing, grunting, making loud sounds or saying words. The frequency of both motor and vocal tics can occur anywhere from several times per minute to only a few times per day. Some children will display mild tics that almost go unnoticed, while others will display severe tics, like severe head moves and contorted facial movements, they occur every few minutes. Tics will vary over time in type, number and frequency. Some Tourette kids will go through period that last from a few days to as long as a year where they might not display any tics. Tics usually escalate to a peak during the puberty years, and then taper off.

Tourette syndrome often accompany other conditions such as; Attention Deficit Disorder (ADD), Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD) and Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD).
Many times the tics are so severe and unusual that the child is teased, this causes embarrassment, humiliation, stress and in severe cases -- depression.. Children with severe Tourette tics often live on an emotional roller-coaster.

Now you have had the facts about these conditions, I will now tell you my story.

J was born on 8th May 1992. I already had 2 older children, both boys. I knew J was different from the other 2 straight away. He wouldn't let anyone hold him; he wanted me all the time. This made me very tired and caused a lot of problems with J's dad. We started having major rows and eventually we separated in Dec that same year. I was then bringing J up on my own.
I went to the Dr's so many times, he wrote to Social Services asking them to help me, but this was totally ignored. I had very little sleep and I became very depressed. Although my 2 older son's were brilliant with J the rest of my family didn't give me any support at all. He never went to any of the family for me to have a much needed break, I would go and see my family only when J wasn't with me, because he knew that nobody liked him! Now at 14 he hates having to visit any of them. He has never stayed with his grand parents…..I always thought that's what grand parents were all about??? I coped on my own fighting with everyone concerned with J. Education was a joke. He eventually was statemented at the age of about 8. This then allowed him one to one support to help him stay on task with his work. The teachers didn't understand his conditions so he was treated badly.
I went to Social Services one day and said…if they don't help me, I'm off!!! That was how bad I felt. They then listened, and arranged for a very good friend of mine to become a respite carer for J which game me one night a fortnight to myself, to catch up on my sleep and recharge my batteries. I honestly think I would have gone under if it wasn't for her. This was increased to every other weekend….god how I looked forward to these weekends. My family used to say, you should go out and meet someone and enjoy yourself while J was at respite….what a joke, all I did was sleep all weekend, they had no idea what I was going through.
I did meet someone when J was about 9. We moved to his house and things were fine for about 9 months. The pressure was too much for my partner and I moved into my own house. We carried on seeing each other for 4 years but it wasn't to be. I again found myself totally on my own again. J's dad started to have him one night every fortnight! WOW how nice was that!!!!! I don't think so….these men help to bring these kids into this world, how come they can pick and chose when they want them….
J went to a new school….one for children with special needs…. After a while I noticed that J was very low. He was depressed and saying he wanted to die. This broke my heart and I tried to talk to him. He said he hated school and he hated the teacher. I went into school and talked to them, but they reassured me that things were ok and this is just one of the things that come with his condition……how I wish I had listened more to my son then…
A year later, I found out the truth, this teacher had been treating these children terrible. It was witnessed one day her dragging J from room to room banging his head on the wall as she went. I rang the police and child protection and it was then investigated. The teacher went on sick leave….how convenient. The crown prosecution throw the case out due to "these children make poor witnesses"….I was totally disgusted with this, but there was nothing I could do. The teacher went back to work and I refused to allow J to go back to that school. The child protection told me to watch….the teacher would be made medically redundant within 3 months. She was! I know this was their way of getting rid of this teacher, but I wanted her shamed in court for what she did.
J was tossed from pillow to post over the next year and a half by the education authority. He was out of school with a home tutor (I saw her twice in 3 months for half an hour at a time) some education. He was then placed with a teacher in a room in a building….he was then taught there….although not ideal, he did get on with this teacher very well, and this build up a bit of trust again.
I eventually went to barristers in London who deal with children like J and they take on the education authority for you, to provide the right education for the child. Again eventually, J was sent to a special school for children with his conditions. It is a boarding school, but also takes day children. At first J went on a daily basis….I was scared to let him out of my sight in case there was another teacher who treated children badly, but I soon learned that this school was different. They were amasing. J had a really bad 1st year, but they kept trying to win his confidence and trust and eventually it worked. He started to love school, so instead of him crying everyday saying he didn't want to leave school, he actually watched out for his taxi, he couldn't wait to get there. He now sleeps in school 2 nights per week and he enjoys staying there. He has made a couple of friends, but they have fall outs as they all have their own needs and problems, but they soon make friends again.
Although J is happier, he still gets very down, he has been put on suicide watch a couple of times, as he threatens to kill himself. It is very hard work coping with him, as I still get very little sleep….another symptom of his conditions.
Social services have been totally shite…..they are under investigation a this moment as I have put in a complaint about them….. I don't have any respite anymore, so during school holidays, things get very hard at home. Some of the carer's social services have offered me, I wouldn't leave a dog with never mind a child with such complex needs. They just keep saying that they have limited carers and if I want a break that is all they can offer!!!! They have caused us so much stress and problems over the years, all they look for is an empty bed, and they don't look at the needs of J.
I wouldn't wish this life on my worst enemy….it is hard, tiring and limited. J won't go out anywhere, so again during school holiday; I am a prisoner I can't leave the house at all. I love J with all my heart but sometimes, I too wish I was dead; I get very depressed, but only because I am so tired. I have wonderful friends, without them I wouldn't be here…..my other 2 son's are wonderful too, they help me with J as much as they can, but they both work and have lives and family of there own now……I worry terrible about what will happen to J when he gets older….will he be able to work and have a good life, after all he hates going out of the house. Maybe he could work from home, he is fantastic on computers, he also plays the electric guitar very well…..who knows what life has in store for both of us….but I have told J I will always be here for him, no matter what.
I know I have been very negative in this review, but I have been totally honest, it is not easy having a child with all there's problems, but he wasn't asked to be born, so I try my hardest to make life as nice as possible. I am still single, I did have another relationship, but unless you have a child like J it is very hard to understand what they need, my last partner couldn't understand that and again the pressure was too much and he left…..I am very happy being single, but sometimes it would be nice to have some help and support.
I hope when J is older things will get better, he is so lonely and desperate to make friends, maybe when he is older he is able to control his behaviour and makes lots of friends and becomes successful…after all look at Daniel Beddinsfield, he has ADHD and is proud to admit it….so you never know what life has in store, all you can do is hope, which I do daily.
J is a lovely boy with many talents, I try to ignore the bad behaviour and praise the good behaviour, but he cant handle praise very well, his confidence and self-esteem is very low and I try lots of things to make him feel good about himself, but he doesn't believe you when you tell him how wonderful he is.
All I can do is keep trying and continue to provide what J needs.

If anyone who reads this needs a friend to talk to, I am here, and I will help you if I can.
Thank you for reading this review and I'm sorry it is so long.
Please ignore the ratings as they dont really apply on the review.

Summary: You cant help but love him!