| Product: |
How to Discipline Children |
| Date: |
17/08/08 (71 review reads) |
| Rating: |
 |
Advantages: A short sharp discipline that's soon gotten over
Disadvantages: You have to be disciplined yourself first, and consistent and fair
I was brought up as the youngest of 5 children and I remember finding out that my (older) brothers had been given "the slipper" as small children and consequently I behaved like an angel (most of the time) for my parents. They were (and are still) loving parents but they didn't show it easily and kept a pretty monotone show of emotion (the generation that kept emotions under check, keeping a "stiff upper lip" and all that due to "The War") hence I grew up not really knowing how to deal with extreme emotion of any kind, be it extreme joy or anger, but the only one that caused a real problem was anger and other negative emotions. This meant I learnt poor ways of dealing with it (in my opinion) and hurt myself more because of it.
Anyway the point I'm getting to is that I was brought up to know that my actions had consequences both good and bad and behaved accordingly. I knew where my boundaries were and what happened if I crossed over the line, and my parents were consistent in my discipline.
I think one of the main problems with parenting today is not realising/being bothered to bring children up this way and not following through threats of punishment/discipline and hence kids know that they can get away with alot of things and so do.
I knew what the boundaries were and didn't dare go anywhere near them for fear of the consequences. Now I don't mean I was scared of my parents, I was scared of getting smacked (which never actually happened as I wasn't ever considered naughty enough) and how much that might hurt and about how sad and disappointed my Dad/Mum must be to do that to me.
Fast forward to now and how I bring up my boys. I 100% agree with smacking but ONLY my definition of it - I don't "hit" my son out of anger or trying to get back at him for something that he did/said etc it's a way to teach him that whatever he just did was way out of order and I don't just belt him one (that's hitting in my opinion and an out of order parent) I tell him that what he did was REALLY naughty and that it wouldn't be right for him to get away with whatever it was and that he needed to learn that because I love him I want him to learn what's good and bad behaviour so that he is a good and happy boy. Mostly he can understand what I'm getting at as I've explained it many times and in a way that is on his level, it doesn't mean that he likes it but he can see that if someone did to him what he just did to his brother he'd be really angry and upset like his brother is and would want him punished too. I take him away from where everyone else is so that's not adding humiliation too.
Admittedly this is seriously a last resort and I use many techniques to avoid getting to this point, star charts, time out, seperating them, distraction etc etc and these work fine on the whole but occassionally I'm convinced this is the best way to deal with it just because it works so well especially on younger children. My son is 5 and I haven't used smacking in a very long time. I'd say when he was between 2 and 4 it was very effective as sometimes it was the only thing that got through to him. Now just the suggestion of it is enough to spark an improvement in behaviour.
If his behaviour is tiredness related then I wouldn't smack as we can all be a bit grumpy and erratic when over tired! So I do my best to avoid such unpleasant circumstances! If he is getting out of order for this reason then generally I'll be much more soft voiced, trying to reason with him, taking him to one side to talk to him etc as I know that a hard line of discipline will only provoke his anger more quickly.
So in summary "tough love" is not for the feint hearted, it's hurts you smacking out of love as it's not nice, but being soft on them and letting them run rings round you is far less good for a child in my opinion. Having said that it's open to abuse and an individual's interpretation, having said "that" I've seen alot worse behaviour from children with little love or discipline than from imperfect parents trying to bring up children to be decently behaved but sometimes messing it up.
Summary: Works a treat on the more unruly child, gentler ones don't need it in the same way
|
|
