Is it right to smack, and who really is to blame (How to Discipline Children)

Member Name: feex1982x

Product:	How to Discipline Children
Date:	12/11/08 (143 review reads)
Rating:

Advantages: it didnt hurt me

Disadvantages: some people may not be able to control themselves

Its become one of the most talked about subjects in our household recently, one day our little angel is going to grow up and want to get into plenty of mischief that will have us pulling at our hair. We discussed the issue before we even began trying for our daughter as we both agreed that its something we have to be united on and to have opposite views just wouldn't work. Luckily it was clear that we had similar upbringings and the same values and so we were both quite happy that we would not have conflicts later on regarding the subject (yet to be seen). I have to say I don't actually disagree with smacking entirely, I feel there is a complete difference between a firm sharp slap to shock, and a brutal full blown attack on a child. When speaking to my parents about when I was younger they said that yes they did smack, and yes they thought it was deserved at the time it was done. But they never ever smacked me when they were so angry that they could lose control, they were 100% aware of the force of the smack, and I can tell you so was I! But now its frowned upon and seen as child cruelty, people look on in horror if a child is smacked in the supermarket. What they haven't seen is what may have contributed to that punishment. As my mum says 25 years ago no one would bat an eyelid as it was better than to have unruly kids.

I do remember being smacked as a child, I wasn't overly naughty just sometimes you push your luck, testing out those boundaries. The most vivid time was when It was my birthday and my mums friend bought me a Barbie car. I already had a Barbie car you see, so instead of being a polite little girl and saying thank you I just blurted out that I already had one and this one was rubbish and I didn't want it. I have never seen my mum so angry, til this day I don't think ive seen her blood boil like it did then. I was dragged into the hallway by my armpit, yes ouch indeed. I was told what I had done wrong and that I should not be so rude, I attempted to answer back ( I was a little cocky, it was my birthday after all). With that a wallop landed on the back of my legs, I cried and was marched out to apologise. It wasn't that it hurt that upset me it was the shock, I rarely got smacked, especially by mum! But it did the trick, I went in and apologised and said it was lovely of her and spent the day a little less feisty to say the least. Do I think that was wrong to do? Absolutely not, I completely deserved it, how dare I be so rude, that wasn't how I was brought up and allowing me to continue in that manner wasn't on. It nipped it in the bud there and then, do I think it played a part in how I am now with people? Yes I think it did, me and my brothers we always being told how polite we were and well behaved we were. I don't think it was all down to that moment, most of it was how we were brought up in the first place. The role models that were my mum and dad. I knew what I was doing was wrong, yet I continued anyway, I think it was good parenting and the suitable punishment.

We were punished very rarely as we were normally very good as I said earlier. So why are we so busy talking about if you should smack a child or not and why arnt we more concerned in teaching them how behave to prevent the need for it? Somewhere along the line it has been forgotten that parents are to be role models, to learn from, to aspire to, how can we expect children to grow into law abiding, polite and hardworking adults when our culture is becoming anything but. I think a large majority of the problem is kids having kids, but that's another issue entirely.

If you sit around all day on benefits and don't work, can you expect your child to have respect for you and what you provide for the house? Can you expect them to have goals in life and to work for a wage? No. If you speak to them with f***ing this and f***ing that, can you expect them to speak to anyone else or you any differently. No. If you shout rather than have a conversation can you blame your child for acting in exactly the same way? No, because children learn by example, they arnt born a pain in the butt or bad, they learn that from the behaviour they witness. So in my view maybe if you find yourself thinking you have raised the devil and find yourself constantly up the school, maybe its worth looking at yourself and your behaviour first.

To finish off I don't agree in just a smack for something naughty, the punishment has to be suitable for the incident. Me and my partner propose this, if it's a minor misdemeanour that was unintended but has result in someone being hurt or something damaged, a telling off and explanation of what was wrong is suffice. If something has been done deliberately when they know its not allowed, the punishment increases, maybe a evening without telly (after all you could say grounding but what kids play outdoors anymore anyway?). For severe incidents that have result in an injury to someone or a constant disregard for what they have already been told not to do in warnings leading up to the incident, perhaps a short sharp smack is infact not to be ruled out. I will not have my child talk to me in a way I feel is disrespectful, I will not have her being rude to strangers, I don't want her to think she gets something for nothing in life, I want her to understand and live by the values I live by. I don't expect it to all go swimmingly, but im hoping if I do as half as well as my mum and dad did, I would be very happy.

Equally I do believe that good behaviour should be highly regarded as yet another tool to steer them away for wanting to behave badly. They need to know that when they do something well or good that it will be taken notice of, or you could find yourself only focusing on bad behaviour. Resulting in children playing up purely for attention.

So is smacking right? I don't think its wrong if it is fully controlled, it has to suit the severity of the incident though. I say though lets teach them right from the beginning and take some of the blame ourselves if there is a persistent problem, if we can swallow our pride that is..

Summary: can be a suitable punishment, rather promote good behaviour though