If They Were Mine, They'd Be Dead. (How to Discipline Children)

Member Name: ladybahnsidhe

Product:	How to Discipline Children
Date:	23/02/01 (76 review reads)
Rating:

Advantages: None

Disadvantages: Angry parent, Angry child

“God bless you, lady. If they were mine, they’d be dead.”

If I had a penny for every time I’ve heard it, well, I mightn’t be rich, but I’d be a darn sight from being poor. I’m a single mom raising three kids under 12 – three extraordinarily intelligent, precocious and active children. The doctors call it ADHD, and whether you want to believe it or not is another argument for a different day. All I can tell you is that my tales of my children’s highjinks keep my friends rolling with laughter and thanking their lucky stars that they’re not dealing with them.

So do I smack ‘em? I’d be lying if I said never. Few of us are saints, and none of us are perfect. There have been a few times when, at the end of my wits and the thin edge of my patience, my hand found a bottom. Any time I’ve ever laid my hand on my child in anger, I’ve regretted it. You know the old joke of ‘This will hurt me more than it hurts you’? It did. All it got me was a smarting palm and a child doing the same thing five minutes later.

I recall a mother I knew when my oldest was newborn, a mother of terrible twins. She was always smiling, always patient, handled the worst of their behaviors with calm, reasoned discipline that struck the rest of us with awe. When asked her secret for remaining calm in the most trying situations, she replied, “Every night, before I sleep, I kneel by my bed and pray – Dear God, thank you for not letting me kill one of them today.” We all laughed, and I realized right then that the secret was not in what she said, but in her attitude.

These days, I’m the one likely to be asked, “How do you DO it?” I offer a simple answer. It’s all in the attitude – MY attitude. The moment I adopted a few simple attitudes, my life as a parent got immensely more satisfying.

I AM THE ADULT.
In t
he power struggle between parent and child, it’s far too easy to slide down to reacting at their level. Adults have a capacity most children have yet to develop – the ability to put themselves in another’s shoes. Put yourself in your child’s place and don’t say anything you wouldn’t want to hear.

THEY ARE NOT OUT TO GET ME.
The fortieth time you retrieve the keys that little JenJen blithely tossed out of the stroller and onto the ground it’s hard to recall that her aim is not to aid your waistline or make your blood pressure spiral. To her, it is a delightful learning game. She’s testing the world around her, and learning that things do not go bye-bye forever. You’ll appreciate this when she starts letting you out of her sight without setting up a howl.

DON’T TAKE IT PERSONALLY.
Your child is going to scream ‘I hate you!!’. It will happen. Trust me. When they do, congratulate yourself. Only a child who feels secure in the fact that they are loved would dare to put that into words.

GET PHYSICAL WITH THEM.
Note I did not say corporal punishment. Physical discipline is about prevention and protection. If you tell your child get down, and they don't, be prepared to get them down. Be physical. Hug them. Hold them. Stroke their hair, rub their backs. The more you touch them in loving ways, the less likely you will be to use touch to hurt.

MAKE THEM LAUGH.
When one of the kids and I are standing nose to nose and it’s shootout time at the OK Corral, I break out the most potent weapon I have at my disposal. I make them laugh. I might stick out my tongue at them, or deliberately say something so outrageous that the only reaction is to laugh at it. It puts me back in control of myself and the situation, and brings us all back onto an even keel. Once the tension is broken, it’s easy to draw us back into the conversation that set us off in
the first place – without the tempers flaring.

And there you have them – the five mantras that get me through the day with my precious triple handful of kids. Do they work? I cite one piece of evidence. Every night, before I sleep, I kneel by my bed and pray – Dear god, thank you for giving us another wonderful day.

Summary: