5 easy choices (How to Discipline Children)

Name: mpafp

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Product:	How to Discipline Children
Date:	19/03/03 (93 review reads)
Rating:

Advantages: child

Disadvantages: no child

There is a very simple method for dealing with children. It is cheap and effective. There are 5 alternatives

1) Take child. Mix thoroughly with eggs until smooth. Beat in flour. Sieved. Cook for 35 mins

2) Child (let us call him, Bastard) should be taken from the sight of the telly and forced to play 'nice old-fashioned games' like grandpa did in the war. 'Eat the Cat', 'Mr Postman', 'Jellied Knockers' and 'Nazi Slaughter' are all good.

3) Tell Bastard that 'If you isn't good, Satan will come and cut off your testicles'. Produce, small glove puppet of Satan holding real scissors to substantiate this claim. If Bastard cries, say 'Oh no, my little pumpkin, I was only teasing you. There there. He wouldn't use these scissors, they are not sterilised...this penknife, on the other hand...'

4) Dress up as a comic female negro maid from a typical black and white film involving racial subjugation for the sake of have Miss Froufrou's ribbons tied by hand every morning. Waddle around the house crying 'Oh lawdy, lawdy, de devil dun know what I's gun do with this chil', mr Bassard sir, you is one bad lil' boy, and I's gonna tell Miss O'Hara on you' then suddenly fall onto the ground go into a fit, pause, lift you tear-stained face from the floor and say quietly and hopefully 'Is Jesus come yet?'

5) shoot bastard. He will not answer back no more, nossir.

Lovingly,
Mischa

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